Or are most men a bit rubbish in bed?

[TootsAtOwls]

I promise I’m not a journalist, not am I asking you to tell me your smutty stories. I’m just interested to know if I’m alone in this:

Most men seem to have sex in the same way: a bit of snogging, then give the nipples a tweak on the way to going down on you. If you’re lucky you might get an orgasm that way before the thrusting starts.

The thing is, I think these men think they’re great in bed because they always bang on about how giving oral sex is their favourite thing. But for me it’s pointless if it’s a standalone act while ignoring the rest of me.It just makes me feel like they’re doing it as a means to an end rather than because they’re delighting in every bit of my body. It’s like the scene in friends where Monica says don’t just go straight in to 7, dot around the numbers a bit….

So yanbu: yes, most men stick to a well-worn and not especially interesting routine

Yabu: you’ve been unlucky, loads of men are extremely skilled at sex

YABU
I don’t think I’ve had sex with anyone that was awful and most were incredible - the issue with that is these are more likely to sleep around IME which gives them a broader skill set I guess.

Yabu 🤪

I think it's fairly rare to find a man that totally delights in your pleasure for it's own sake.
Most realise it's part of the deal, so do their best.

In my experience, the more well-endowed they are, the worse they are in bed!
The sweet spot is averagely-endowed and with a LOT of previous partners, they know what they're doing and make an effort.

I really have no idea. Even with the same person it can vary a lot, sometimes great, sometimes ok, sometimes meh, sometimes bad …

To be fair, I do expect there are some men who are just bad in bed always? Never met one myself, but read enough on MN.

Adding some balance, and in interests of gender balance, there must be a lot of women that are rubbish in bed too. It does actually take some effort. I typically do make an effort, but admit to have been lazy on many occasions too :)

When men complain about their female partners they say

1. they just lie there waiting to be serviced
2. they are unadventurous and reluctant to try new things
3. they lack intensity

I dare say posters here wouldn’t recognise themselves in those descriptions any more than lots of men wouldn’t recognise themselves in the OP.

YANBU and I am glad that it is not just me who thinks this! I am also glad not to be married and have to have crap sex on the regular, can just be celibate if I so choose

@bcc89

I have a large sample size and I agree

I know you can have great sex on ONS & casual relationships. I've only had long-term relationships myself - and in those we loved & fancied each other, so sex was linked to that. I need to say that these men were not good relationship material, in the end, but sex was certainly founded on communication & genuinely wanting the other person to be happy.

YABU.
I've had sex with loads of people, and it's been mainly very good. Only a couple of bad ones.

Read Helen Lewis' book 'Difficult Women', chapter on sex

YANBU and I’ve decided Sex isn’t for me. Don’t miss it at all.

I've tested a considerably larger sample size than you OP and I'd say maybe 70% of them have followed that formula or a variation of it, so I'd have to say on balance YANBU.

Come to think of it the better ones that jump straight to my mind have almost all been relationships rather than flings, so will have undergone an extensive and thorough induction period with relevant training supplied, targets to aim for and regular appraisals . Otherwise the percentage may have been higher.

My last two male sexual partners were very generous in bed. If I hadn't had those experiences I would have agreed with you. I had quite a lot of evidence of average selfish sex before that and such bad oral I thought I couldn't cum that way.

While I hate the word "training" in terms of a relationship, I think in terms of sex it works both ways.

Sex the first few times are usually bearable bordering on ok if you're/they are lucky. Its why I am not a fan of the ONS (despite having more than a couple....didnt learn my lesson apparently!!) because the best sex is between people who know what they and their partner likes.

However, the key is communication. So if you can't say "I would prefer this to that" or "When you do this it really turns me on" or whatever, then maybe you are in the wrong relationship or are not in the right place to have a fulfilling sexual relationship.

Men who think that they are great in bed have usually had sex with women who have faked it and havent felt able, for whatever reason, to have the conversation where she tells himwhat she likes and doesnt like. IME the confidence to do that comes with age, I can cheerfully "direct" now, but no way could I have done that 20 years ago in my twenties "but what if I upset him....." . I totally forgot that even if he was a bit hit in the ego, he always had an orgasm and I rarely did!

Difficult to say, as I am not very sexually experienced (married XH at 21 and was married to him for 25 years). However, I love my subsequent partner to bits and while it might not seem earth-shattering on paper, that makes it the best sex I could ever want to have. We also have a laugh when it goes wrong.

YANBU. Most men don't stop to really think what their woman would enjoy, and they don't pay attention to cues. It's like they've got no theory of mind, or just don't give a shit. Exasperating as I go all out to make sure my partner has an amazing experience. I've had sex with about half a dozen men, and only one understood how to fuck properly. When you get a good one it's revelatory, but I'm getting fed up: too often the juice isn't worth the squeeze. I've recently invested in a stash of sex toys!!

Sometimes I wonder if training courses would be helpful in society on the art of love making ect

I'm inclined to agree. And I'm not posting the stats used to work it out.

Maybe not all men but quite a a few are like this...

They a very basic understanding of women (even if they have had a lot partners...) and still think all that matters is size and how long they can go on for.

No awareness of the fact that all women are different and that there isn't a standard script that will work for all of them.

I would say that when a guy has a habit of boasting about being 'good in bed' and about the number of women he has slept with, it is usually a sure sign that he will be a rubbish lover...

Stay away from married men!
It’s reckless and lives are always shattered in one way or another ...and for what...

Sorry posted too quickly, the above should read 'they only have a basic understanding''..

Well I suppose the other end of the argument could be men whinging about women passively lying there expecting them to get them off😬

And no, that isn't my experience of sex. Mainly because I enjoy it and I'm usually the one taking charge so to speak!!

I would say it’s 60/40 in my experience … in favor of the bad ones lol. But I’m sure that’s not everyone’s experience.

Meh, I'm not interested in 'amazing sex'. Sex is sex. The very idea of 'courses on the art of love-making' give me the ick and make me cringe myself inside out! 'Delighting in my pleasure' sounds like a bad romantic poem.