Or are most men a bit rubbish in bed?

[TootsAtOwls]

I promise I’m not a journalist, not am I asking you to tell me your smutty stories. I’m just interested to know if I’m alone in this:

Most men seem to have sex in the same way: a bit of snogging, then give the nipples a tweak on the way to going down on you. If you’re lucky you might get an orgasm that way before the thrusting starts.

The thing is, I think these men think they’re great in bed because they always bang on about how giving oral sex is their favourite thing. But for me it’s pointless if it’s a standalone act while ignoring the rest of me.It just makes me feel like they’re doing it as a means to an end rather than because they’re delighting in every bit of my body. It’s like the scene in friends where Monica says don’t just go straight in to 7, dot around the numbers a bit….

So yanbu: yes, most men stick to a well-worn and not especially interesting routine

Yabu: you’ve been unlucky, loads of men are extremely skilled at sex

The key is to communicate. Once I started being honest about what I wanted everything became a billion times better. No one is a mind reader. What are your own moves like? Cause unless it’s straight to blowjobs I’m pretty sure most men wouldn’t rate you either. 😂 Joking obviously.

I think you've been unlucky, my DH is great in bed😉

Goodness. I read threads like this and think a) either I am a bossy cow who insists on having my pleasures met.
b) I have been incredibly lucky in my choice of partners. Not that many, a couple were nothing to write home about but the majority were caring, thoughtful and willing to go with the flow.
c) I know what I like, how to communicate and am curious in mixing it up.

[quote JigglyPiggly]@TootsAtOwls

Honestly, how many men have you slept with

Hopefully this is lighthearted and you don't actually believe your small sample size of shit sexual partners is representative of most men[/quote]
I've slept with 7. So yes, a small sample. Honestly, at the time I thought they were ok / good in bed. It was just today I was musing over the fact that they all kind of had the same routine. And I'm exaggerating a bit in my first post about how basic it was, but... they all did pretty much go: snog - tits- oral - sex. With varying degrees of skill. I just wondered if my small amount of experience was typical or I'm missing out on Hollywood style sex that everyone else is having...?

Yep pretty much op in my experience yanbu

Don't take the the wrong way, but if the men you've slept with are all doing the same thing, maybe it's because you are doing the same thing each time?
Do you just lie there like a sunbathing cat and expect the body worship? Do you actively sort of do other stuff?

I don't think most are bad in bed no. Some are really shit mind you.

^yabu sorry

Yabu
My partner is great in bed. I wouldn't expect any less. In the words of Samantha
" fuck me badly once, shame on you: fuck me badly twice, shame on me"

Yanbu most men but luckily not DH, he’s a keeper

I have a large sample size and I agree

Definitely the story of my twenties. But since then i’m sorry but i’ve had really great sex with attentive, skilled, fantastic partners, and can’t think of anyone who did what you describe.

It entirely depends on the man. And worth noting many people have a “type” and this come with consistency of some areas, including sex.

"hey sonny... Do this, this and this cause it's good for me. Don't just lick here or bite there or put your 1 very small finger up there"

Communication is key and if he's too sensitive to hear it, chuck the limp biscuit.

I hate to sound brutal but the commen denominator in all your sexual experiences is you op. If you don't communicate your turn ons how can you expect men to get it right? Also men tend to love just about anything sexual if they think you're horny and into it. I've had some amazing sexual experiences just because I've been willing to experiment.

Hmm, I don't know really. I've never really had a rubbish shag - and I've had a few! But I never sleep with anyone unless I really fancy them plus I always make sure I've had a couple of glasses of wine the first few times. I think mutual enthusiasm goes a very long way to making up for lack of technique.

Obviously I don't mean a few years in when it's all got a bit dull. Talking about new partners only.

@TootsAtOwls

You're definitely missing out

Most people have a 'type' - have you had a diverse sexual history?

As if all 7 men fuck the same it might be generational, or location based, or you just go for meh men.

YANBU if you're expecting gold star sex.

But.... Do you give gold star sex? Do you delight in every bit of your partner's body?!

I know I don't!

Not me in that respect .. I don’t like oral sex. So definitely not that routine!
It depends a lot on what you like I guess..
I wouldn’t let a guy hoy my legs up in the air etc because it’s just like a bloody pelvic exam or something (I mean I’ve had it done- it hurts and it’s shit).
Mind you I married the best I’ve had but I do like being the one who takes control

@bcc89

Ditto

YABU. Some of them are a bit shit, some of them are great but in very different ways. And some of them might well be great with someone else, it's just the two of you aren't very compatible.

Count yourself lucky you get the kissing and oral!

Communication matters.

Women who don’t tell men what they enjoy & what turns them on, then fake orgasms and lie about enjoying it can’t really complain about their men being crap at sex. They are not mind readers, after all…

YANBU!! Actually can't believe your accuracy to my experiences 😆

To have great sex, you need to remember that it’s a conversation not a monologue, where one person orates while the other listens.

Boring sex is like assembling IKEA furniture, where you put screw a into flap b & voila, you have a bookcase. No one wants that.

I’ve only had eleventy something partners (of varying sexes) & it’s all been pretty good. The crap ones are the ones where everything happens in silence, being posed like a rag doll. Whilst my analogy above alludes to good sex being a conversation, you need to be confident with your partner & actually talk to each other during sex too. Tell them what you like, what you don’t, how you can pleasure them & how you want to be pleasured. It’s the most intimate thing you can do with another human so keep communicating.

I’ve been with my partner for over 25 years. I’m lucky in that we’re very happy with the occasional sub/dom kink (which is all about communication rather than other leather accessories), but we can still have great sex without having to dress up. We have even got pretty good at a 5 minute, great fumble when the kids were small & liable to appear at any moment!

Crap, formulaic shagging will only happen if you don’t open your gobs & talk about what you both want!