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AIBU?

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Original poster

Fuming at DH - would you be?!

286 replies

Bellsandwhistle · 21/01/2022 19:29

So from 5-6 I’m on a course (he does not know this as usually not home till 630) and at 510 he messages me and kids do we want to go out for tea in 30 mins. Kids reply mum has asked us to put dinner in oven (all sat out on counter ready to go in oven). He replies it’s not in yet ask mum amd they say she’s on course can’t ask till after. He replies I’m coming to get you NOW be ready and he takes both kids out at 550 to restaurant. I come out of call at 615 to these messages. Call him and they are in restaurant and he says oh you’re going to be annoyed aren’t you - like I’m in the wrong?! He says oh I’ve done nothing wrong here you no reason to be annoyed. Of course I’m annoyed!! Would you not be?!! Why not wait till I was free to check re the dinner at home (ours was in oven kids too be added in later)?! Why such a rush?! Why not say okay go ahead with planned dinner and we could go out tmw or Sunday?!

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 21/01/2022 22:16

Help him look. For a shit hole if possible.

ChateauxNeufDePoop · 21/01/2022 22:16

he does not know this

Case closed . YABVU

WonderfulYou · 21/01/2022 22:18

Sounds like the relationship is definitely at breaking point.

Do you argue often?

3luckystars · 21/01/2022 22:19

Is this the same poor bastard from the skiing trip?

Pinkbrush · 21/01/2022 22:20

I wouldn’t be annoyed. Sometimes spur of the moment things are more fun. I’d enjoy the time to myself and put the food not eaten in the fridge… sorted! But i think you and your partner have deeper issues…

GirlOfTudor · 21/01/2022 22:20

You both sound a bit childish tbh. An argument about dinner turned into him looking for flats to move into 🤔 that escalated very dramatically. There's obviously a very long backstory to this.
I wouldn't be annoyed with my husband if he'd done this. He had nice intentions. He wanted to take you and the kids out for a meal but you were busy. He was unaware of this until the kids told him. You chose to make yourself unreachable and not check your phone during your course. You could've kept the food you'd made for tomorrow instead and joined them as soon as you'd finished. Not a big deal.

billy1966 · 21/01/2022 22:23

OP,

You sound very unhappy.

Your marriage sounds miserable.

He is selfish.

It sounds like an awful atmosphere for your children.

Perhaps living separately would be better for everyone.

Flowers
Chardonnay73 · 21/01/2022 22:25

To be fair, it sounds like an unreasonable thing to do, to take the kids out in that way…but…and I mean this kindly, you do sound like you’ve had a bit to drink from the way you are posting. So I’m not sure if the ‘how much have you had to drink’ conversation between you and him is easy to unpick. I can’t know what you’ve had to drink as obviously I’m not with you but your style of posting is indicative ( to me) of someone who has had more than half a glass and is a bit ranty. I hope you sort it out.

Original poster
Bellsandwhistle · 21/01/2022 22:26

I was reachable. This was not an emergency. Could have waited 20 min. He’s the one who escaped looking at flats. As a result of me saying that was a bit selfish. I am probably meant to beg him to stay. I won’t. He won’t go. He couldn’t cope.

OP posts:
Justyouwaitandseeagain · 21/01/2022 22:26

I'm surprised by the comments you've got. In the circumstances where you had sorted dinner, sorted the kids and sorted your work, only for him to waltz in, disregard all the preparation you had put in place, overrule the kids and whisk them off without you on a Friday night (all for the sake of 20minutes) is a massive dick move. He didn't show any care for what you would do to eat or while they were gone. Yes you could just put it in the fridge but there seems far more going on here than just one dinner. Hope you are ok OP Flowers

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/01/2022 22:27

@Pinkbrush

I wouldn’t be annoyed. Sometimes spur of the moment things are more fun. I’d enjoy the time to myself and put the food not eaten in the fridge… sorted! But i think you and your partner have deeper issues…
So fun for DH and the kids. To have a spontaneous meal out.

So fun for OP. To work, cook, take everything out, feed herself, clear away, pack into the fridge, wash up. So lovely. Hold on, that's shit.

Original poster
Bellsandwhistle · 21/01/2022 22:30

Yes the issue is he didn’t want to do something nice for family he wanted to go out for tea and that was that. Full stop. No regard for anyone else. I was not included.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bellsandwhistle · 21/01/2022 22:34

Mrsterryprachett - I feel like you get it!! I honestly am struggling to understand how people think this is normal?’ Yes it was fun for him maybe fit kids but not for me!

OP posts:
Livelovebehappy · 21/01/2022 22:34

I couldn’t get upset about this. Just seems like a trivial thing to get upset about. Slightly annoying, yes, but just seems like a total over reaction on your part.

Flea456 · 21/01/2022 22:35

I’d be annoyed and upset too. What he did makes it seem like you don’t matter to him. Like you’re bottom on his list of priorities. It might not have been deliberate on his part but the fact remains that he just didn’t consider your feelings. Hope you’re ok.

marpelier · 21/01/2022 22:35

Put the food in the fridge for tomorrow so that's one thing sorted. It does seem a bit weird that he couldn't wait. I'm unsure of all the timings and if you were wfh or elsewhere; but it seems that you guys have a more serious relationship problem than dinner.

TimeForTeaAndG · 21/01/2022 22:36

@GirlOfTudor

You both sound a bit childish tbh. An argument about dinner turned into him looking for flats to move into 🤔 that escalated very dramatically. There's obviously a very long backstory to this. I wouldn't be annoyed with my husband if he'd done this. He had nice intentions. He wanted to take you and the kids out for a meal but you were busy. He was unaware of this until the kids told him. You chose to make yourself unreachable and not check your phone during your course. You could've kept the food you'd made for tomorrow instead and joined them as soon as you'd finished. Not a big deal.
Depending how far away, transport etc there's no guarantee she could have joined them. More easily he could have not been a dick, waited the 20 minutes that he'd been told OP would be finished and had a grown up conversation about whether to go out for dinner or not.
Tangled123 · 21/01/2022 22:38

It sucks to be left out of things, and your work not be appreciated. I completely understand where you're coming from, OP, and am surprised so many people thing you're overreacting as well. I would imagine your partner has a track record of this sort of thing, while those posters are in perfect relationships where this kind of thing would be seen as something funny or unusual.

Tangled123 · 21/01/2022 22:38

Did he even bring you home anything? Like dessert or bottle of wine?

Original poster
Bellsandwhistle · 21/01/2022 22:39

Chardonnay73 laughing at your name and the suggestion I’ve had too much to drink! I had half a glass then they came back and I had no more as he always comments if I’ve had a drink - I have one glass on a Friday 2 on a Saturday and he has plenty more! It’s so not about drink but be always deflects.

OP posts:
Chardonnay73 · 21/01/2022 22:41

My username is ironic darling. HTH.

MyLifeNow20 · 21/01/2022 22:43

Put the food in fridge and go and join them?

Veryverycalmnow · 21/01/2022 22:49

Yeah, I'd be a bit baffled by it. You'd got everything ready for dinner. And yes, you can probably have that dinner tomorrow, but that's not the point. Couldn't he have taken you all out tomorrow when he found out you were busy? Is he always this spontaneous? I wouldn't go mad at him, but I'd let him know I thought he'd been a bit thoughtless.

Strictlyfanoftenyears · 21/01/2022 22:49

@MyLifeNow20

Put the food in fridge and go and join them?
Thats what I would have done.
EmmaH2022 · 21/01/2022 22:49

@Bellsandwhistle

Yes he’s pretty selfish generally and it’s what he wants when he wants it there was absolutely no reason why he couldn’t wait 20 min and we could agreed as dinner was in process we could eat out tmw night. How was it a lovely thing for the kids telling them To ignore what I’d asked them to do and do something else with no respect for the effort of put in?!
I hear you.