Fuming at DH - would you be?!

[Bellsandwhistle]

So from 5-6 I’m on a course (he does not know this as usually not home till 630) and at 510 he messages me and kids do we want to go out for tea in 30 mins. Kids reply mum has asked us to put dinner in oven (all sat out on counter ready to go in oven). He replies it’s not in yet ask mum amd they say she’s on course can’t ask till after. He replies I’m coming to get you NOW be ready and he takes both kids out at 550 to restaurant. I come out of call at 615 to these messages. Call him and they are in restaurant and he says oh you’re going to be annoyed aren’t you - like I’m in the wrong?! He says oh I’ve done nothing wrong here you no reason to be annoyed. Of course I’m annoyed!! Would you not be?!! Why not wait till I was free to check re the dinner at home (ours was in oven kids too be added in later)?! Why such a rush?! Why not say okay go ahead with planned dinner and we could go out tmw or Sunday?!

@Bellsandwhistle

He wanted to show me a flat online - like I care!! I said you go ahead if that’s what you want - I don’t care you pick. He won’t do it. He’d lose control. He wants me to beg him to stay.

I won’t.

Good. Never beg.

Stand your ground.
You would be better if he went and usually would fight to stay together.

I'm truly shocked at how many people on here think the DH did a nice thing. He did really selfish, disrespectful thing, and then gas lighted the OP when she (understandably) got annoyed.

My DH has his faults, as do I, but we would never treat each other so thoughtlessly. It's just downright mean. If it was a one-off, we'd row about it and then let it go, but it sounds like he has form for selfish behaviour.

He sounds like a total dick! Of course it's not a bloody nice thing him deciding at the last minute he wants to leave work early and go for a meal

Total lack of respect for the fact that he will know you'd already prepped dinner . Doesn't matter that you were uncontactable for an hour. He knows that you'd have already prepped as that's the norm

Tell him to get a bloody flat if he wants. Doesn't sound like he'll go through with it

Storm in a teacup. At most I'd be a bit miffed.

Oh and the bloody gas lighting about drink. I've had that before from someone who'd pretend he'd just got back from. Work when he'd actually stopped off at the pub for a few hours. Classic !

I imagine you didn't tell him about the training because he hasn't listened or remembered about the last two hundred training things you've done. Because, obviously, to him your job is just a bit of pocket money, done around the children, while he has the proper job.
He sounds like a completely selfish prick.

I hope your food wasn't ruined, and will keep for tomorrow, not be wasted

I think it's time to make concrete plans to go it alone, I'm sorry.

I'd have seen my arse. He sounds like a selfish, inconsiderate lazy fucker.

Yanbu at all, it sounds like he was after a fight imo

YANBU.

I think he was being really unkind by leaving you out and not waiting a few minutes to talk to you. If you had no meal planned and prepped then it might have just about been excusable but even then why not wait until 6?

Can you suggest that he cooks tomorrow night as you took your turn tonight?

@fairylightsandwaxmelts
Sorry I must have missed it:

Where exactly does OP say she was entirely uncontactable so he couldn't invite her to dinner.
Remind me again why he couldn't wait 20 minute so just wife could accompany him to the restaurant she wanted to visit?
What was the urgency?
Why did it warrant disregarding the meal she'd prepared, disrupting the family dinner plans and leaving her out?

I'm afraid I can't find this information in the OP's posts but you're clearly aware of an excellent justification for her partner to disrupt the family dinner plans in favour of an urgent meal out that cannot wait 20 minutes so that she can join in.

Could you explain please?

@budgiegirl

I'm truly shocked at how many people on here think the DH did a nice thing. He did really selfish, disrespectful thing, and then gas lighted the OP when she (understandably) got annoyed.

My DH has his faults, as do I, but we would never treat each other so thoughtlessly. It's just downright mean. If it was a one-off, we'd row about it and then let it go, but it sounds like he has form for selfish behaviour.

^^ This.

Bellend. Hope his toilet leaks in his shitty new flat.

And that his shits are hedgehogs.

I feel gaslighted!!

Oh please. That’s not gaslighting. Not even close. Don’t trivialize mental abuse and cruelty. He asked you how much you had to drink, because he thought you were tipsy or being a big animated. Reading your posts you do come across as a bit OTT with the whole thing.

Yanbu I don't understand why your dh would dash everyone off for dinner before you had even finished work. Its not like you were finishing late. Totally thoughtless

YANBU. He sounds like an absolute prick I’m afraid. You deserve much much better x

I'd be annoyed at that too OP. Dinner and effort wasted plus left out of going out to eat. Why didn't they wait for you it wasn't long. Or just have the bloody dinner that was already half made?

I think some confusion may lie from the term “course.” It often implies a recurring class, which would be odd not to tell your spouse you were taking, even if it was during your work day. If it was simply a one-off seminar, more akin to a meeting, then it makes sense that you would not tell him about it.

So I guess if I was in a meeting and he didn’t wait, I would be a tiny bit annoyed. He could solve that by texting that he would bring home a meal for me. Best of both worlds. Meal from a restaurant I enjoy and I get to eat at home.

If it was a recurring class, I really couldn’t be annoyed because the breakdown in communication is just so severe that I couldn’t fault him.

Something and nothing really, why get annoyed !

This is very rude of him really. And you earn 40% of the income, do all the other work and he goes in about he earns all the money? Id say your flat needs space for the dc to sleep every other weekend, and they can go over for dinner two nights weekdays, and from now on dinner is on you 3 nights a week and either I keep all my pay that apparently doesn’t exist or you actually do some of the parenting and housework. I’d have 3 meals ready at 5:40 at the first opportunity and nothing for him when he comes in- oh you weren’t here, dinner was ready, what else were we supposed to do?

@BritWifeInUSA

I feel gaslighted!!

Oh please. That’s not gaslighting. Not even close. Don’t trivialize mental abuse and cruelty. He asked you how much you had to drink, because he thought you were tipsy or being a big animated. Reading your posts you do come across as a bit OTT with the whole thing.

Did you miss the bit about him doing it frequently, even though she drinks less than him. That's gaslighting.

There's a lot of people here that would love to be deliberately excluded from things.

I would have thought it was not to like your spouse purposely ignoring information and making an effort to not include you. But as it turns out doing that is 'a lovely thing'.

I’d be really happy if my husband did this, I’d eat dinner alone and watch tv! My kids are a lot younger than yours though so the evenings are manic so the prospect of an alone evening is heaven to me!

I think you’re being a bit over sensitive is it really the worst thing ever? Unless he has a history of not listening to you?

It sounds like all the friendship is gone from your relationship. It was selfish what he did and he doesn’t care how you feel. Do you care about him anymore? If not, sounds like you can manage. I would have been upset.

OP,
Absolutely encourage him to go.

He sounds so awful.

I think you would be relieved for such a selfish, gaslighting, lazy waster to be out of the home.