To ask... would you go to a hen party if you weren’t invited to the wedding? (Not even to the reception or night do? None of it...)

[HelloFrostyMorning]

So, say a work colleague, (or a friend,) is getting married, and it's strictly only close family and close friends invited, (60 in all from both sides.)

She's asking 36 people (some work colleagues and a few mates, and several neighbours,) to her hen party. Costs £95 each. (For coach travel to a venue 25 miles away, a meal, and live music.)

However, 20 of the 36 are not invited to the wedding. Not to the ceremony, nor the reception, nor the night do. None of it. (The other 16 are obviously, and are invited to all 3 sections.) The 20 not invited are work colleagues, neighbours, and friends. (Obviously not close ones!)

If you were one of the 20 not invited to the wedding, would attend the hen party?

YABU. NO I would not.

YANBU. YES I would

Asking for a friend…

Not for £95, and I also wouldn’t want to be stuck 25 miles away waiting for the return bus.

It sounds like neither one thing nor the other. 16 is plenty for a hen night. Nothing wrong with going out with work colleagues to celebrate getting married, but better to do something local and cheap.

Depends if I liked their company. Being invited to the wedding wouldn't matter

I was one of a large group of work colleagues who were invited to the hen night but not the wedding. I did go, as did everyone else, and had a good night out. I liked the bride-to-be but had no interest in going to the wedding. Having said that, it wasn't a particularly expensive night out and no silly clothes required!

not for 95 quid i wouldnt no

I would go if I could easily afford it and knew I would enjoy it. I wouldn’t feel duty bound to go just because I got invited though.

YANBU

Of course I'd go

Not everyone can have massive weddings, the hen is often a nice night out with friends and family, including those who might not make the day.

No way, I’d be grateful I wasn’t invited to the wedding so i had a valid excuse to decline the hen. Shudder.

I have, more than once.

Completely depends!

Small wedding and very limited numbers, but a colleague I absolutely loved and enjoyed spending time with - yes of course! It’s no different to having a birthday night out with a work colleague without being invited to their intimate family / close friends birthday meal surely?

Someone I wasn’t particularly close to and it was clear I was only invited as part of the larger group - probably wouldn’t be arsed about spending the money on a hen no.

But - if I fancied a night out and all my work colleagues were going and I could afford it. Yes I would go.

Literally too many possible different scenarios to give a straight answer.

Haven’t RTFT fyi in case extra details dropped!

I wouldn't be paying £95 for the privilege. If it was just a meal at a restaurant or an evening at a night club, more an excuse for a night out, then quite possibly.

As several people have said, if it was 36 work colleagues and mates that the 'bride to be' wanted to celebrate with, and they were ALL not invited to the wedding, then I'd be OK with going possibly. (Preferably if it was half the price though, or even a third.)

But for 20 of the 36 to not be invited to the wedding, when the other 16 are, well, I think that's a bit off, and if I was one of the 20, I would not be going to the hen. Very rude (IMO) to invite only 16 of the 36 to the wedding, and leave the other 20 out. It's like 'well you're OK to be at my hen party, as long as you pay for yourself obvs - but you're not deemed worthy to be at my wedding.. soz!'

Generally speaking, if I'm going to be arsed to spend almost £100 to go to someones hen, I'd need them to be close enough to have been invited to at least the reception.

Unless it was an informal drinks with colleagues kind of thing, but I wouldn't be spending that amount.

Nope. I hate hen dos

OP you sound miffed you’re not in her top 30.

@CrimbleCrumble1

OP you sound miffed you’re not in her top 30.

I'm not miffed because this is not about me.

But for 20 of the 36 to not be invited to the wedding, when the other 16 are, well, I think that's a bit off, and if I was one of the 20, I would not be going to the hen. Very rude (IMO) to invite only 16 of the 36 to the wedding, and leave the other 20 out. It's like 'well you're OK to be at my hen party, as long as you pay for yourself obvs - but you're not deemed worthy to be at my wedding.. soz!'

It's nothing to do with being "worthy" though.
One of my colleagues got married recently. We are a small team and we all get on well but I wouldn't be expected to be invited to her wedding even before I found out she has 7 siblings, all of whom have partners and dc, even before you got on to her dp's family and friends from other walks of life but there are 2 people that she is closer to, and it therefore isn't strange that those 2 were invited. It didn't stop the rest of us being delighted for her and all going out for a meal to wish her well a couple of weeks before her wedding. It is nothing to do with "being worthy" and everything to do with being practical, and working both within a budget and often practicalities like the size of the venue.
I can only presume that people who are offended at not being invited to someone's wedding must be people who only have small families and very few friends, so then struggle to look at things through the eyes of people who have larger families and lots of friends.

@RussiasGreatestLoveMachine are you describing yourself?

Anyway the issue isn’t hen do per se, it’s the cost.
£95 for travel, food and live music. Which doesn’t include alcohol..soo.. close to £100 before the partying bit has even started.

Even if it was a close friend I wouldn’t want to go. Unless said venue was special in some way

I know my comment isn't wedding related but I was absolutely gutted on my 40th birthday that everyone close to me got me something with 40th on it! I'm now 63 and still remember it 🙈. Please don't do this to anyone else no matter what the situation is!

Depends. If I really wanted to go on the night out, thought that it would be fun and could afford it, yes.
If I was going because I felt I should or if I couldn’t afford it / prefer to spend the money on something else I’d politely decline / be ‘double booked’

I would if I thought it would be fun! Who cares? Weddings are expensive and you're expected to invite every random cousin you haven't seen since you were 12. Hen parties you invite who you actually want there.

I can't see a reason not too.

(In this case the money would put me off)

But a cheaper/closer hen do... yes.

@HelloFrostyMorning

As several people have said, if it was 36 work colleagues and mates that the 'bride to be' wanted to celebrate with, and they were ALL not invited to the wedding, then I'd be OK with going possibly. (Preferably if it was half the price though, or even a third.)

But for 20 of the 36 to not be invited to the wedding, when the other 16 are, well, I think that's a bit off, and if I was one of the 20, I would not be going to the hen. Very rude (IMO) to invite only 16 of the 36 to the wedding, and leave the other 20 out. It's like 'well you're OK to be at my hen party, as long as you pay for yourself obvs - but you're not deemed worthy to be at my wedding.. soz!'

People are so fucking weird about weddings. I don't think I'd care if 35 people were going to wedding and I was the only 1 not! I'd still go and have a nice time and wish her well. What's the point in being offended or finding it rude?

I wouldnt now but im older and i dont go out very often. But as a younger person i went to many hen do but not the day, and a few hens and not any part of the wedding.
But i went knowing it was just a girls get together for a colleagues pre wedding. Just an excuse to get together and have fun really.
But i think it depends on the type of people being asked and if they know the

I have been to hen nights when I haven't been to the full wedding but would have been invited to the evening do / afters. So I wouldn't go to this hen if you haven't even been asked to the evening part.