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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask... would you go to a hen party if you weren’t invited to the wedding? (Not even to the reception or night do? None of it...)

154 replies

HelloFrostyMorning · 21/01/2022 18:34

So, say a work colleague, (or a friend,) is getting married, and it's strictly only close family and close friends invited, (60 in all from both sides.)

She's asking 36 people (some work colleagues and a few mates, and several neighbours,) to her hen party. Costs £95 each. (For coach travel to a venue 25 miles away, a meal, and live music.)

However, 20 of the 36 are not invited to the wedding. Not to the ceremony, nor the reception, nor the night do. None of it. (The other 16 are obviously, and are invited to all 3 sections.) The 20 not invited are work colleagues, neighbours, and friends. (Obviously not close ones!)

If you were one of the 20 not invited to the wedding, would attend the hen party?

YABU. NO I would not.

YANBU. YES I would

Asking for a friend…

OP posts:
swampytiggaa · 21/01/2022 19:25

I would and have if it was local and cheap and I fancied a night out with the people involved. No way would I spend £100 on one tho.

gamerchick · 21/01/2022 19:27

If it was just a piss up with no upfront costs I might. What you've described, not a chance. Is she expecting pressies as well?

Monr0e · 21/01/2022 19:27

Is there definitely a separate evening do with more invited than are actually at the wedding?

In that case, no, and certainly not paying almost £100.

I could understand not being invited to the day, 60 might sound a lot but when you think it's actually 30 each for the bride and groom which isn't actually that many if you have a reasonably big family.

But to not be invited to the evening do either would make me think I don't even qualify as friend and I've only been included as random work colleague there to make the numbers up

UnsuitableHat · 21/01/2022 19:27

I wouldn’t fancy that hen whether I was invited to the wedding or not, but not being invited wouldn’t stop me going if I wanted to.

goldfluffyclouds · 21/01/2022 19:27

i think there's something off about it and i wouldn't go
i think work colleagues are being asked to make up the numbers and make the hen do affordable for the friends that can make it to the wedding...

PlanetNormal · 21/01/2022 19:27

Sounds like the best of both worlds to me. You get to enjoy the piss-up, 🥳 but you don’t have to sit through the endless, boring, tedious wedding.

girlsyearapart · 21/01/2022 19:27

DH and his friends do this all the time. They just all like stag dos!

Squirrelblanket · 21/01/2022 19:30

I wouldn't. But I'm not a massive fan of hen dos. Or weddings, tbh.

If it was someone I really liked I might go to a local meal or something though.

GinTonic123 · 21/01/2022 19:30

It sounds very much as if the Bride wants to celebrate with a wider group of people than is able to, so is inviting more to her Hen Party. I think a wider after-wedding celebration in a pub/restaurant would be more to my taste than a Hen Do invite. I think the question as to whether I go or not would really depend on how much I liked them and what the relationship outside of the work place etc. was like.

Kitkat151 · 21/01/2022 19:30

You would be a mug to go🙄

HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 21/01/2022 19:32

I went to a hen 'meal out' opposed to a party and wasn't invited to the wedding . I had met the bride at toddler club with several other women invited, we saw each other several times a week but had only known each other a short time so wouldn't expect to be invited to the wedding but it was lovely to be invited and I had a nice evening.

Go if you can afford the event and think you'll enjoy the evening or fancy a night out after 2 years of lockdown and want to do something different. If you can't afford it and would resent it then don't.

Luredbyapomegranate · 21/01/2022 19:32

If I wanted to go I would, if I didn’t I wouldn’t - and that would depend on if I had the money and thought it would be fun.

FindmeuptheFarawaytree · 21/01/2022 19:33

No definitely not, but then I only go on them if I really really have to!

RussiasGreatestLoveMachine · 21/01/2022 19:35

I wouldn’t not go to the hen do under these circumstances, if I liked the bride.

But it really sounds as if you don’t want to go to this one, which is entirely fair enough, so decision made.

Elsiebear90 · 21/01/2022 19:35

We’re only having 18 people at our wedding, as it’s in Italy and we wanted just close friends and family (I don’t think distant family or friends I don’t see all the time would come anyway) I plan on inviting people to the hen do that weren’t invited to the wedding. I wouldn’t do that if it was a UK wedding unless it was tiny though, 60 is a fair number so I would feel quite cheeky asking people to celebrate me getting married and not inviting them when I easily could.

DishwashDogsDickens · 21/01/2022 19:35

I would go regardless if we normally go out as a friends ( work) group and pay similar amounts for a fun night out

If I don’t think I am honestly close family or friends with the wedding party , I cannot expect to attend and I have no right to expect to attend one

I would be glad to join my 20 friends at the works night / hen do. So nice of the bride to include us in her celebration - even if she couldn’t include us at the wedding itself

onthinice · 21/01/2022 19:35

Of course not.

Ragwort · 21/01/2022 19:36

No way would I spend £95 on a night out, regardless of whether I was invited to the wedding. I am probably very old fashioned and frugal but that just doesn't appeal to me at all.

Gwenhwyfar · 21/01/2022 19:36

I've done it because at the time of the hen night I didn't know I was invited.
Also, for one of them, it was a bridesmaid who invited me and she'd just gone through the bride's FB and invited women she was in touch with.

PermanentTemporary · 21/01/2022 19:37

Absolutely yes! It sounds like a simple way of enlarging the celebration without work colleagues having to make small talk to Auntie Linda. Win win.

curlii103 · 21/01/2022 19:38

If it looked fun enough! Weddings are expensice, things arw still restricted and there is 20 people not you specifically!

Summerfun54321 · 21/01/2022 19:40

Wow what a load of party poopers! I’d much rather the fun piss up hen do than the boring wedding. 60 is a tiny wedding IMO if you have big families like me and my DH do.

PattyPan · 21/01/2022 19:41

For £95 no I would not. DP went to a friend's stag do and wasn't invited to the wedding, but the stag do was a BBQ in the friend's garden and all he had to do was take a couple of beers. For something like that then sure.

A580Hojas · 21/01/2022 19:42

Have you got your YABUs and your YANBUS mixed up in your op?

Anyway ... of course I wouldn't go to that hen do if I wasn't invited to any part of the wedfing. Looks like a perfect "get of jail free" card to me.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 21/01/2022 19:45

Absolutely not.

It's pretty rude, to be honest.

Also, your hen do is surely your close friends/family? It's weird to invite people to your hen but not your wedding.

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