To ask... would you go to a hen party if you weren’t invited to the wedding? (Not even to the reception or night do? None of it...)

[HelloFrostyMorning]

So, say a work colleague, (or a friend,) is getting married, and it's strictly only close family and close friends invited, (60 in all from both sides.)

She's asking 36 people (some work colleagues and a few mates, and several neighbours,) to her hen party. Costs £95 each. (For coach travel to a venue 25 miles away, a meal, and live music.)

However, 20 of the 36 are not invited to the wedding. Not to the ceremony, nor the reception, nor the night do. None of it. (The other 16 are obviously, and are invited to all 3 sections.) The 20 not invited are work colleagues, neighbours, and friends. (Obviously not close ones!)

If you were one of the 20 not invited to the wedding, would attend the hen party?

YABU. NO I would not.

YANBU. YES I would

Asking for a friend…

@Summerfun54321

Wow what a load of party poopers! I’d much rather the fun piss up hen do than the boring wedding. 60 is a tiny wedding IMO if you have big families like me and my DH do.

MN is the home of the terminally reclusive, socially avoidant and anxious, so hardly surprising the way this thread has gone.

@Elsiebear90

We’re only having 18 people at our wedding, as it’s in Italy and we wanted just close friends and family (I don’t think distant family or friends I don’t see all the time would come anyway) I plan on inviting people to the hen do that weren’t invited to the wedding. I wouldn’t do that if it was a UK wedding unless it was tiny though, 60 is a fair number so I would feel quite cheeky asking people to celebrate me getting married and not inviting them when I easily could.

I think the nicer thing to do in those circumstances is to host a party for everyone who couldn't come AFTER the wedding in your home town. Invite everyone from both bride & groom side and see who turns up.

And yeah.... weddings are expensive. But expecting people to spend money for your hen do when you can't be arsed to spend money on them for your wedding is... trashy.

No way, if you are having a hen party then the people should be invited to some part of the wedding even the evening do is acceptable.

By inviting people to the hen party that she does not regard as close friends is in opinion rather cheeky/mean spirited.

She's bumping the numbers up because of the coach hire costs

Yeah if I wanted to go why not? My learning from the last 2 years is life's too short to get hung up on all this etiquette or whatever. Just go for it.

I wouldn't go because it won't just be £95.

There's probably a contribution expected for a dodgy veil, Bride tribe sashes, balloons etc etc

There's probably a dress code...."everyone except the bride has to wear sky blue polka dots!!!"

There's probably going to be a drinks kitty.

In which case your £95 night out creeps closer to £200. These things tend to snowball quite quickly.

No. I’d only go if I thought I’d really enjoy it.

No I don't think I would.

I don’t get the angst about stuff like this, some people have a small wedding, it doesn’t mean they can’t invite a wider circle of friends to celebrate the hen party.

That. And despite what other.posted have says, depending on the size of the bride and grooms families, 60 might not be a big wedding at all.

It's not about the number of people, it's about who they are.

It depends. If a small wedding and a good friend I would absolutely go.
In this situation I would totally do want you want to do! So for once you don't have the pressure of having to spend and go on a hen that you would rather not go on. Although it does seem like a lot of money for the evening. Basically if a load of your colleagues are going and you think you will really enjoy it then go but you are absolutely under no obligation to.

I'd go if I thought I'd enjoy it (and could afford it) and not if I didn't. I certainly wouldn't pass up an enjoyable trip out just because I was sulking about my position in the friendship hierarchy - life's way too short for that shit.

Nope. She's bumping up hen do numbers to get costs per hen down.

If I'm not good enough to even get an invite to the night reception I'm not going on the hen!

I have in the past attended hen dos of work colleagues where I was only invited to the evening part of the wedding or not invited to it at all. However these were local pub type nights out (basically straight from work on a Friday) so just buying our own drinks rather than anything with a cost to it.

I'd happily go to those kind of things, or even a meal out but not want to travel and pay £95!

No I wouldn’t pay £95 to on a hen party

I get she can’t invite everyone to the wedding if it’s restricted to close family and friends, and she may think this is a way of involving those she can’t invite to the wedding but no I wouldn’t be going

Sure I would.

Unlike others I don't think everything revolves around me.

All the nopes. Cheeky cah.

@Oneborneverydecade

I had a small wedding, parents, siblings and 7 friends. This was dictated by the venue and our budget. I invited a couple of friends to my hen do who weren't invited to the wedding. I don't think any of them would have expected an invite but were happy to share a fun night out. I think I'd feel differently if it was a weekend away or overseas but a night out is fine. I'd have invited the same people to a birthday celebration

Very similar to this, we had 6 wedding guests and I had a very low key hen night in a local pub with 4 friends, one of whom was witness at the wedding.

I wouldn't pay £95 (plus drinks presumably) to go on a coach with a load of people I don't know (30 odd people won't all know each other) to an event I may not like. I'd pay that for something smaller and more intimate though, I don't care much for weddings and would be happy not to be invited!

No but I hate Hen dos in general (far too socially awkward for organised fun with strangers!).

I've been to a colleague's before when I wasn't invited to the wedding - it was just drinks in town and I liked the other people going so was a night out really. I wouldn't go to this but I wouldn't be annoyed to be invited. If it was a massive wedding and I was a very close friend and felt disappointed not to be invited it would also be different.

For a work colleague who was having a small wedding and couldn't invite everyone she wanted to yes, And have done a couple of times, not to the tune of £95 though.

Nope, not a chance I'd pay that money for her hen do to make her look popular if not going to even the evening do !

Haven't voted as neither option sits right with me.

I would happily go on a night out with the bride before her wedding, if I wasn't invited to the wedding - in your example if colleagues were going out or maybe a sports team or a group from somewhere else where I wouldn't be expected to be invited to the wedding, but I liked the person and wanted to celebrate, yes.

However, I wouldn't pay £95 for the pleasure.

I don't understand the thinking that it can ever be rude to invite people for a night out though. Sounds like you people are cutting off your nose to spite your face. If you like the person and like the night out, then why wouldn't you go ?

I probably wouldn't go. If it was a work colleague I would buy a small wedding present and wish her well but wouldn't spend that amount on her hen do.