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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask... would you go to a hen party if you weren’t invited to the wedding? (Not even to the reception or night do? None of it...)

154 replies

HelloFrostyMorning · 21/01/2022 18:34

So, say a work colleague, (or a friend,) is getting married, and it's strictly only close family and close friends invited, (60 in all from both sides.)

She's asking 36 people (some work colleagues and a few mates, and several neighbours,) to her hen party. Costs £95 each. (For coach travel to a venue 25 miles away, a meal, and live music.)

However, 20 of the 36 are not invited to the wedding. Not to the ceremony, nor the reception, nor the night do. None of it. (The other 16 are obviously, and are invited to all 3 sections.) The 20 not invited are work colleagues, neighbours, and friends. (Obviously not close ones!)

If you were one of the 20 not invited to the wedding, would attend the hen party?

YABU. NO I would not.

YANBU. YES I would

Asking for a friend…

OP posts:
SNUG2022 · 21/01/2022 18:49

If I fancied a fun night out, then yes!

IncompleteSenten · 21/01/2022 18:49

Plus if I went to the hen do but not the wedding I wouldn't have to fork out for a gift.

Inthesameboatatmo · 21/01/2022 18:50

No I wouldn't go at all . If your good enough for the hen do then surely good enough for the wedding. She trying to bump up the numbers don't be her fall back option

DimplesToadfoot · 21/01/2022 18:50

£95 and just enough numbers to fill the coach, I'd be dubious as to why i was invited and give it a miss.

Severntrent · 21/01/2022 18:50

Depends if I wanted to go on the night out. If it sounded fun then yes of course. Wouldn't care if I wasn't invited to wedding, she prob needs to restrict numbers and maybe sees this as a way to get everyone together.
Not going on a fun night because you weren't invited to wedding is a bit cutting your nose off to spite your face.

MichelleScarn · 21/01/2022 18:51

In total this is costing £3420.. is the organiser of the hen getting a cut?

WingBingo · 21/01/2022 18:52

60 guests is not a small wedding though. Smaller than some, but not small.

DreamerSeven · 21/01/2022 18:52

@LawnFever

I might do, if I could afford it and fancied it, it’s an invite, go or don’t go.

I don’t get the angst about stuff like this, some people have a small wedding, it doesn’t mean they can’t invite a wider circle of friends to celebrate the hen party.

I also wouldn’t be offended on any level if it was a small wedding and I was a work colleague and just got a hen party invite.

Yep, this. If I fancied the night out I’d go, otherwise I’d decline and think no more of it.
crackersforcrackers · 21/01/2022 18:57

60 isn't a small wedding! I wouldn't go unless I was dying for a night out/wanted to socialise/ had £95 to burn.

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 21/01/2022 19:00

Depends, a local cheap one that sounds fun? Yes

£95 one away away? No not unless I was super close to the bride

Original poster
HelloFrostyMorning · 21/01/2022 19:01

Hmmm interesting array of responses. Thanks folks. Smile

Seems (for the ones saying they may consider going,) it depends on how much they liked the person. And a few others say they may go if it was cheaper, like half the price. At the moment, two thirds of people voting are saying 'no' though. And the comments seem to have more people saying 'no' than 'yes...'

I don't think I would mind so much if I was not invited to any of the wedding, if, (as a few people have said,) the wedding only had 7 to 10 people, or say 15 at the most. But 60 people seems like quite a large-ish number to not be included in, but to still be asked/possibly expected to attend a hen do.

Quite a lot of people are invited, (60,) and I am not deemed close enough to be invited, even to the night do, so I have to say, I would not go to the hen do. Not even if it was a fiver - let alone almost 100 quid!

OP posts:
Pinchofnom · 21/01/2022 19:02

Yes and have done previously when a colleague was having a really tiny wedding but still wanted to celebrate in some way with her friends.

We had a blast and I wouldn’t hesitate to do it again. I certainly wouldn’t be offended.

BitterTits · 21/01/2022 19:05

Yeah she's definitely boosting numbers for her insta.

shivawn · 21/01/2022 19:07

My view is that a hen party is for your closest friends and family only....more exclusive than the wedding guestlist so I'd find it weird to be invited to the hen but not make the cut for the wedding.

tentative3 · 21/01/2022 19:08

Similar to most, yes if it was local for a few glasses of wine, but not £95 and a coach trip. And like many have said, including you OP, I don't think 60 is that small so if I considered myself a friend of the bride I might be a bit miffed. If it was a work colleague I'd be fine with it.

Mummyoflittledragon · 21/01/2022 19:09

In fairness if they both have decent sized families, 30 invitees on each side is not much. Probably a handful of friends. On this basis, yes I would go. Dh got invited to an abroad stag - 6 guys in total - but not the wedding. They had lots of fun!

Georgeskitchen · 21/01/2022 19:11

Not for 95 quid
I'd go on a local night out though

GoGoGretaDoll · 21/01/2022 19:15

I've done this for a work colleague who was getting married miles away - I would only have qualified for an evening invite and wasn't travelling 300 miles for it, but it was nice to do a traditional hen - by which I mean drinks out in our city and some laughs in the office. Where I worked at the time we were big on marking that sort of stuff so no-one really thought twice about it.

In my hole would I be paying £100 to make up the numbers on a coach trip though.

Ikona · 21/01/2022 19:17

No, I've never attended a hen do when I've also been invited to the wedding either! I did go to the wedding, but hen dos sound like my idea of hell.
If I did like them, I still wouldn't go if I wasn't invited to the reception, at least.

Sparklesocks · 21/01/2022 19:18

No. Generally hen dos I’ve been to have been close friends - everyone is invited to the wedding because it’s the group of women the bride has been closest to, rather than every woman they’ve ever met.

Unless it’s a ‘work hen’ or similar where a group of colleagues go out on the piss with the bride one night after work to celebrate her upcoming wedding (but don’t normally go to the wedding, just an excuse for a night out - pink sashes optional).

As others have said I think it’s one or the other - either a ‘proper’ hen do with a close friend you’re happy to shell out for as a special occasion, or a makeshift casual one where you only pay for a pitcher of cocktails and a portion of chips for the way home. £95 is too much for that.

I did once know someone who had 4 hen dos - a family one, a close friends one, a work one and a seemingly ‘misc’ one with everyone else such as friends without groups and her neighbour!

ddl1 · 21/01/2022 19:20

No. To be honest, I'd avoid the hen do if at all possible even if I WAS attending the wedding!

AutumnLeaves21 · 21/01/2022 19:21

It entirely depends. A work friend, small wedding, local night out- definitely. I wouldn’t travel or pay that much though.

CrimbleCrumble1 · 21/01/2022 19:22

I would go, any excuse for a night out particularly one I haven’t had to organise.

godmum56 · 21/01/2022 19:24

I'd go if I wanted to and not if I didn't....no biggie.

TragicMuse · 21/01/2022 19:24

No. If I'm not invited to the wedding why on Earth would I want to go to a preparatory event related to the wedding?

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