AIBU to get involved - banned from driving

[TwuntyFriend]

NC for this. It's more of a WWYD.

My friend has had a problem with alcohol for years. She drinks a lot. A few months ago she was pulled over and was found to be over the limit. She was rightly prosecuted, and recently received a 9 month ban.

She needs to be able to drive for her work (carer). She has decided to not tell her work and continue driving as if the ban didn't happen. I have told her this is a stupid idea and utterly reckless, but she's not listening to me and thinks the chances of her getting found out are slim.

The liklihood of her losing her job are high if they know about the ban. She is continuing to drive her small children around as well as for work.

I had hoped that this incident would have been the kick up the arse she needed to get help for the drinking and sort her life out - apparently not.

What on earth do I do? Say something? Keep schtum? I'm out of ideas.

I have seen the paperwork that they sent to the police after a case has finished.

It has very clear details and I know that the local police know all the band drivers on their round

@Tillow4ever
A very fair unbiased comment covering all the bases. 💐

I agree with @empressCixi.
I wouldn't report her unless she was still drink driving.
Is there anyway you ,her friends,family can help her during 9 month ban with lifts to and from school or to work? Is she travelling to lots of clients in just to one place of work?
Really if she has a problem with alcohol ( opposed to one night of stupidity) she needs to sort her alcohol problem out via AA or GP that's a priority.
Carers are usually in demand so she could look for another job with a fixed place of work if necessary. But agree if you lose your work particularly as a single mum it is a desperate situation without family support. It is of her own making but she really sounds like she needs help not judgement.
So I would report only if I knew she was still drink driving.

@Runnerduck34 why do you condone breaking the law in one way (driving while banned) but not in others (drink driving)? Im not trying trying be goady, I genuinely am interested to understand why some people think its OK to break some laws but not others.

Its not like she's commiting a crime that puts nobody else in danger - eg shoplifting a loaf of bread and pint of milk because its a few days before payday and she has no money left, it's still a crime but I can see how people morally justify it - she is willfully and knowingly putting people in danger by driving uninsured and while banned and potentially while drunk.

OP you have done the right thing.
Imagine if she killed someone while driving unlicensed and possibly drunk - you wouldn't forgive yourself.
Of course she could do this regardless of your report and keep on driving but you've done all you can.

Report her! If she has an accident the consequences will be a lot worst. She drank, she drove she has to learn actions have consequences. I appreciate you're in a very difficult position though. Good luck

Oh FFS!!! We have another "Cancel the Cheque" moment here, except it is "Report her!"

@Rosebel, @wildchild554 and @Fudgemonkeys and anyone else who comes up with the gem of "Report her" - If you're not aware already, there is a link the opening post of ALL posts on MN where you can see ALL of the OP's messages throughout the thread or just the next one.
It literally says "OP's Posts - See Next | See All"

Why don't you give it a try and see what the OP has done?

I think everyone agrees that your friend is in denial, what YOU do about it, is a tricky issue. Your friend probably regards herself as no more than a woman who likes a ‘drop’ and is holding down a job and parenting children. The reality is that she now has a serious driving conviction and she is breaking the law every time she gets behind the wheel of a car. She is without ANY insurance and if she is caught ‘driving whilst disqualified’ (and possibly over the limit), she is at serious risk of a custodial sentence …and where will that leave her and her children? Maybe you have to spell this out to her for her own sake. What she tells her boss is much less important than driving whilst disqualified. She probably got a shortish ban in the first place because of her circumstances, so she won’t be able to use that mitigation again. If she doesn’t listen to sense…it’s a tough call. Do you tell her employers or the Police. If she’s caught red handed, she’s in real trouble. If she’s visited by a community PC at home and warned about the consequences perhaps that will frighten her enough? There’s an arrogance to people who ignore court orders and it often ends in tears. If she doesn’t change, whether or not she gets away with driving whilst disqualified, she will almost certainly be done for drink driving again…and that’s a 3 year ban or a custodial sentence depending on the circumstances. She needs to admit that she’s an alcoholic.

Apologies I missed your final post…you’ve done the right thing. I hope your friend will realize that you have only acted to protect her and others from further harm.

@TwuntyFriend

Thank you everyone - it's nice being reassured about something so difficult.

I hope one day she realises that it came from a place of love, and not malicious intent. I really would have done anything to avoid having to personally report her - but I'm the only person who knows about her situation.

Even though it was the right thing to do it can't have been easy.

Well done, The odds are you really have, at the least, saved someone a huge amount of money and worry, and more likely, saved lives.

Regarding the 9 month ban I’m sure she’s not being completely honest. All these people have been prosecuted and disqualified for drink driving and the shortest ban was 16 months. www.northants.police.uk/news/northants/news/in-court/2022/january/court-results-published-as-part-of-drinkdrug-drive-campaign/

@MumWithYOPD a 12mth ban will be reduced to 9mth if they do the drink drive course.

12mths is a very normal sentence. It depends on the level of alcohol in the system, and any other aggravating features - previous convictions, where they were caught etc.

You won't be told any information from the Court at all unless you can give a 'reasonable legitimate' explanation for needing to know why they appeared in court eg job application.

@nosesroses

You won't be told any information from the Court at all unless you can give a 'reasonable legitimate' explanation for needing to know why they appeared in court eg job application.

You don't need to be, cases appear in the local newspapers unless there is a reason for them to be kept confidential, eg family law cases.

I would imagine she is mentioned somewhere in the local press.