Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to get involved - banned from driving

364 replies

TwuntyFriend · 21/01/2022 10:37

NC for this. It's more of a WWYD.

My friend has had a problem with alcohol for years. She drinks a lot. A few months ago she was pulled over and was found to be over the limit. She was rightly prosecuted, and recently received a 9 month ban.

She needs to be able to drive for her work (carer). She has decided to not tell her work and continue driving as if the ban didn't happen. I have told her this is a stupid idea and utterly reckless, but she's not listening to me and thinks the chances of her getting found out are slim.

The liklihood of her losing her job are high if they know about the ban. She is continuing to drive her small children around as well as for work.

I had hoped that this incident would have been the kick up the arse she needed to get help for the drinking and sort her life out - apparently not.

What on earth do I do? Say something? Keep schtum? I'm out of ideas.

OP posts:
Weredone · 22/01/2022 18:26

As someone who had a close family member killed by a drunk driver - please report her.

Weredone · 22/01/2022 18:27

@TwuntyFriend sorry I’ve just seen that you’ve reported her- well done

AnnieSnap · 22/01/2022 18:55

Well done for confronting her in such a supportive way and finally reporting her when she refused to take responsibility. Aside from any of the other issues, driving without a licence is also driving without insurance (since it’s only valid for a licence driver). If she had an accident and left someone with life changing injuries, they could not claim the money required to help them live their lives as fully as possible.

Caelan2018 · 22/01/2022 18:59

She is also driving without insurance ad she no longer has a licence report her ring her work and don't feel guilty my DM is an alcoholic and I have threatened loads to report her She has now straightened herself out

TheRemotePart · 22/01/2022 19:11

Sorry it came to that, OP
She’ll feel awfully “betrayed “ and she likely never see how it was done in anyone’s favour…
Is there at least a support network for her now that she’s likely to loose her job? She may go further down the road and her home/kids ?
Please tell me there’s family around her?

Best of luck to you both. Addiction is horrible for everyone involved. Sad

Spudburger · 22/01/2022 19:19

Driving while disqual and driving without insurance will be poss next charges if she's caught and that's sober. If she's drunk as well, that's also added. This is in England and Wales.

When she hits someone uninsured, and possibly drunk, you could have helped prevent it.

She may lose her job over being disqualified. She risks losing a whole lot more if she continues driving, and so does every other road user because of her. Report her. No question.

StarbucksSmarterSister · 22/01/2022 19:21

I hope one day she realises that it came from a place of love

She may never realise it but you are probably the best friend she'll ever have.

dee1969 · 22/01/2022 19:24

Her car wouldn’t be insured if she didn’t have a license. If she has been pulled over once what’s to say she won’t be pulled over again. Don’t the police scanners show the registered owner of a car is on a ban?
My point isn’t so much on the banned it’s on the fact she drinks and drives and that is utterly unforgivable. Personally would call the police and her employer. Does she drink with her kids in the car. What if she is over the limit and she kills someone.

SirGawain · 22/01/2022 19:24

I understand why the ban people caught drink driving from driving, but when you are a single parent and you need to drive to work and to take children to school, it is a punishment that can literally make you destitute, possibly homeless and also punishes her innocent children. Reporting would just make it worse.
Each of us are responsible for our own decisions. She should have thought about the consequences before getting drunk and then driving. I don't have shred of sympathy.

Ownedbyafrenchie · 22/01/2022 19:28

What an awful situation to be in, I really feel for you. I feel you know deep down what you need to do and I appreciate how difficult it will be but how much worse would you feel if she got into a drunk driving accident and ended up killing her kids or someone else?

mylifestory · 22/01/2022 19:36

I wdnt report her, Id tell her someone is going to grass her up, make her change her ways and sort her life out herself. I know everyone has said report her bt they dont see the repercussions on someone's life involving the police. Just a warning to her should be enough.

amitoooldforthisshit · 22/01/2022 19:45

would you rather feel the guilt of costing someone their job or the guilt of potentially costing the lives of her children if she is driving them around while drunk, I've forwarded this post to police in hope they can track this person down

Kebabandchipsplease · 22/01/2022 19:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FurbleSocks · 22/01/2022 19:50

As expected, she told me I wasn't her friend and I would be ruining her children's lives if I did that. That was the end of the conversation.

People who drink and drive are the ones ruining their's, their children's and potentially other people's lives. Not you OP. If your friend hadn't done anything wrong there would be nothing to report. Her choice to wreck her own life. Not yours.

AnotherSillawithanS · 22/01/2022 19:54

Wow, you're going to call her work.

Christ, who needs enemies with friends like you.

Confiscatedpopit · 22/01/2022 19:59

In 9 short months she would have been allowed back on the road- rightly or wrongly.

I think giving her every support with her getting sober would have been the best step. You’ve done it now but it’s not a choice I would have made unless I’d seen her pissed and she was about to drive her car.

I take it you will be paying her rent or mortgage if she now can’t?

Ilovewolfblass · 22/01/2022 20:01

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Isaidnomorecrisps · 22/01/2022 20:09

So glad you did it. Seems others have written on this too but a close relative was hit by a drunk driver going at 60 in a 30 area. My relative was 29, engaged, great job. He’d just called his mum to wish her Happy New Year. He’s now a paraplegic, unable to speak, write or eat properly, with 24 hour care.

Thank you too.

rwalker · 22/01/2022 20:10

@Ilovewolfblass

Do not report, keep ur lips shut and mind ur business
So you fully support people driving round with no insurance wonder if you would change your mind if she crashed into your car and you ended yup out of pocket .

lost for words

Barton10 · 22/01/2022 20:14

I would report to the Police but not to her work. They are none of your business. Hopefully the police will sort her out

lilu38 · 22/01/2022 20:17

I would actually tell her that you are going to report her, just be honest! She's put you in a bloody difficult position... be honest with her and see what she has to say?

hedwigismyowl · 22/01/2022 20:19

Well done for reporting her to her work. If she's caring for people then she needs to be fully fit. Also, presumably she needs a DBS and normally you need to tell your employer if you get a criminal conviction, so don't feel bad, you've done the right thing.

DrSbaitso · 22/01/2022 20:20

@Ilovewolfblass

Do not report, keep ur lips shut and mind ur business
Drunk, illegal drivers without valid insurance are everyone's business.

And this OP has done entirely the right thing. Whi was it who said it takes courage to stand up to our enemies and even more to stand up to our friends?

LouLou198 · 22/01/2022 20:26

How was she planning on renewing her car insurance? Or is she planning on driving without that too?

DrSbaitso · 22/01/2022 20:31

@LouLou198

How was she planning on renewing her car insurance? Or is she planning on driving without that too?
She might as well stop paying it, it's not valid for a banned driver.
Swipe left for the next trending thread