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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to get involved - banned from driving

364 replies

TwuntyFriend · 21/01/2022 10:37

NC for this. It's more of a WWYD.

My friend has had a problem with alcohol for years. She drinks a lot. A few months ago she was pulled over and was found to be over the limit. She was rightly prosecuted, and recently received a 9 month ban.

She needs to be able to drive for her work (carer). She has decided to not tell her work and continue driving as if the ban didn't happen. I have told her this is a stupid idea and utterly reckless, but she's not listening to me and thinks the chances of her getting found out are slim.

The liklihood of her losing her job are high if they know about the ban. She is continuing to drive her small children around as well as for work.

I had hoped that this incident would have been the kick up the arse she needed to get help for the drinking and sort her life out - apparently not.

What on earth do I do? Say something? Keep schtum? I'm out of ideas.

OP posts:
HopeYourHighHorseBucks · 21/01/2022 10:52

As long as you tell her that you plan on reporting her, then the decision is up to her.

pompomsgalore · 21/01/2022 10:52

I wouldn't involve myself with telling the police or her work. But I would tell the school as the children are being out at risk. That would start the ball rolling with social services and the police anyway.

Original poster
TwuntyFriend · 21/01/2022 10:52

AmandaHoldensLips We are in the UK - England. Is 9 months likely to be untrue then? That's what she told me....

OP posts:
Luredbyapomegranate · 21/01/2022 10:53

@ZoeTheThornyDevil

Given the threat to her children and to members of the public? I would call the police and turn her in. And I don't say that lightly.
I think you have to report. It’s a last resort, but you are at that point.
thelittlestrhino · 21/01/2022 10:53

I understand your hesitation but I would report (police/work). I know I could never forgive myself if I didn't and she went on to have an accident which killed or seriously injured others. She needs help, obviously. She also needs to NOT be on the road!

SilverHairedCat · 21/01/2022 10:55

@AmandaHoldensLips not if she's done the drink drive rehabilitation course - that would reduce it from 12mth ban to 9mth ban.

Of course the woman could also have lied to the OP about how long it lasts or whether she's undertaken the course.

MadeForThis · 21/01/2022 10:56

I would report drink driving. I'm not sure I would report breaking her driving ban.

Munchyseeds · 21/01/2022 10:58

Report her now....police and a quick call to her work.....what if she kills someone, could you live with That?
The police are not stupid and will keep an eye if there is a car at the property
Her work will find out anyway if her car insurance is due soon as she will not be able to provide a copy for them

Yummypumpkin · 21/01/2022 11:00

I think the ideal is you persuade her to tell work.

The arguments I'd make is that as some with a ban as the registered keeper she could quite easily be picked up by ANPR cameras or speed cameras. She could then be looking at jail.

As a care worker she likely has an obligation to declare criminal convictions. She could be looking at dismissal.

Work may be able to change her shifts. There's a desperate shortage of caseworkers.

Her insurance is invalid so any minor accident could cost her tens of thousands and a further prosecution.

In short, if the moral issues don't concern her, encourage her to think through the consequences for her.

She is underestimating the probability of getting caught and underestimating the consequences of being caught.

NoSquirrels · 21/01/2022 11:01

@TwuntyFriend

NoSquirrels She was pulled over driving that night after a drinking session, it wasn't the day after.

I'm unsure if she drives when drunk with the children in the car - but it wouldn't surprise me.

Reckless endangering, then. Not ignorance.

Has she shown remorse, changed her life, quit drinking?

If no, report her to the police.

If I report to the police, how will they know she's been driving. Effectively it's my word against hers. Do I contact her work and tell them too?

You explain she’s still driving whilst banned.
You give her registration number and if you have particular concerns e.g. pubs she frequents then drives home, you give them that info. They’ll look out and pull her over if they see her.

I’d leave her work alone personally, unless you think she’s persistently over the limit in the daytime when she’s driving for work.

Cam2020 · 21/01/2022 11:01

My initial thoughts were to turn her in, but I didn't want to be the one who lost her her job and potentially 'ruined' her life.

Totally get you feeling that, but it's her alcohol problem that's ruining her life, not you. It's going to negatively impact her life one way or another. Often people need to hit rock bottom before they can recover - perhaps losing her job could be her rock bottom, rather then killing someone.

Yummypumpkin · 21/01/2022 11:02

I would also recommend you end the friendship. There are likely months and years ahead of you having to witness her self destruction.

mumofmunchkin · 21/01/2022 11:03

My brother was killed by someone driving under the influence.

Report her to the police.

nannynick · 21/01/2022 11:03

She will be making regular trips to see care clients. You probably do not know her schedule for that. Depending on the age of the children, she will be making regular trips to nursery/school... those you can predict. With that intelligence the police, if resources are available, can have a patrol car be in the area... they often drive past schools at collection time I find. Being banned, Starting the engine, pulling out, that's driving whilst banned.

L0bstersLass · 21/01/2022 11:03

@TwuntyFriend

My initial thoughts were to turn her in, but I didn't want to be the one who lost her her job and potentially 'ruined' her life.

If I report to the police, how will they know she's been driving. Effectively it's my word against hers. Do I contact her work and tell them too?

I know court records are out there and anyone can find them if they look so she's taking a risk that no-one will see too.

It's all such a mess!!

You won't have lost her her job and potentially ruined her life. She's done that.

Report her to the police. Do it now. They will investigate and make arrangements to catch her driving so that they can take action.

Landof · 21/01/2022 11:03

You won't be the one ruining her life, she did that when she chose to drink and drive. Report her.

legallytired · 21/01/2022 11:04

I wouldn't report someone for driving whilst banned unless drink driving. I'd report drink driving whether or not someone is banned!

Dippydinosaurus · 21/01/2022 11:04

No you need to report this asap. Firstly she's driving her children around and secondly if (when) she has an accident she's going to potentially fatally injure an innocent person. She has no licence so her insurance is invalid. The consequences for her losing her job are horrible BUT tough she has to deal with it. A drug driver killed a teenage girl in my local area last month. You can't turn a blind eye to this

Iwantcollarbones · 21/01/2022 11:04

When I was a carer I worked with a woman who ended up being sacked after she was pulled over by police on her way to start a round and found to be over the drink drive limit. No one was surprised. She hid her alcohol problem well in so much as we didn’t know it was because of alcohol but she was regularly flagged to supervisors as being unsafe around the service users. There were constant stream of medication errors, unsafe manual handling and serious errors in judgement.

Your friends alcohol issues will be affecting her job already. She is putting everyone she has contact with at risk. Report her to the police for driving whilst banned and send her employer the information that proves she’s banned from driving. The social care sector is so buggered at the moment that she may not lose her job if she can’t drive but the driving ban is supposed to be the big bad stick that gets her to change her behaviour and she’s obviously not going to whilst she continues to behave as she has previously.

countrygirl99 · 21/01/2022 11:05

It's not you ruining her life. She is also at high risk of ruining other people's lives.

Ikona · 21/01/2022 11:05

Call 101 for advice, but it's something you should definitely report.

c190 · 21/01/2022 11:06

What about the people whose lives she will ruin when she kills or injures someone while driving?
I would report without hesitation.

Original poster
TwuntyFriend · 21/01/2022 11:09

It's more or less unanimous isn't it? I'm going to have to report her....

I wish I didn't know about any of it. Ignorance is bliss and all that.

OP posts:
RincewindsHat · 21/01/2022 11:10

You can report it and the police will not do anything until they witness her driving. My friend reported her neighbour several times for driving an uninsured, untaxed, un-MOTd car and they did nothing except ask where she was driving to, which she didn't know.

As she is clearly not willing to be a safe and responsible driver (not to mention legally banned), you should definitely report her.

JudgeRindersMinder · 21/01/2022 11:10

@TwuntyFriend

My initial thoughts were to turn her in, but I didn't want to be the one who lost her her job and potentially 'ruined' her life.

If I report to the police, how will they know she's been driving. Effectively it's my word against hers. Do I contact her work and tell them too?

I know court records are out there and anyone can find them if they look so she's taking a risk that no-one will see too.

It's all such a mess!!

But it’s not you who’ll lose her her job, she’s the culpable one. Please report her to the police