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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to get involved - banned from driving

364 replies

TwuntyFriend · 21/01/2022 10:37

NC for this. It's more of a WWYD.

My friend has had a problem with alcohol for years. She drinks a lot. A few months ago she was pulled over and was found to be over the limit. She was rightly prosecuted, and recently received a 9 month ban.

She needs to be able to drive for her work (carer). She has decided to not tell her work and continue driving as if the ban didn't happen. I have told her this is a stupid idea and utterly reckless, but she's not listening to me and thinks the chances of her getting found out are slim.

The liklihood of her losing her job are high if they know about the ban. She is continuing to drive her small children around as well as for work.

I had hoped that this incident would have been the kick up the arse she needed to get help for the drinking and sort her life out - apparently not.

What on earth do I do? Say something? Keep schtum? I'm out of ideas.

OP posts:
ZoeTheThornyDevil · 21/01/2022 10:38

Given the threat to her children and to members of the public? I would call the police and turn her in. And I don't say that lightly.

HotToddyColdSauvignon · 21/01/2022 10:39

I’d report to the police personally

Santahasjoinedww · 21/01/2022 10:39

Report her. Imagine the consequences.. And bet she would tell everyone you knew... Don't let her tarnish your reputation op..
I reported my now exh for drink driving.. He lost his licence for 2 years.

LadyDanburysHat · 21/01/2022 10:39

You can not keep quiet about this. She is breaking the law. Phone your local police station and ask for advice.

Santahasjoinedww · 21/01/2022 10:39

Does her name start with L op?

Knittedfairies · 21/01/2022 10:40

Report her. Could you live with yourself if she caused an accident and you'd done nothing?

User478 · 21/01/2022 10:41

Are the children at school/nursery? Tell them too?

AnotherMansCause · 21/01/2022 10:41

I would also turn her in TBH. It's massively irresponsible to drink & drive. Alcohol addiction may not be a choice but it's a deliberate decision to then get behind the wheel.

Hertsgirl10 · 21/01/2022 10:43

I take it she’s still drinking & driving too?

NoSquirrels · 21/01/2022 10:44

Report her.

She has an untreated alcohol problem - you haven’t said she’s addressing this, going sober.

She drink-drives. She has children she drives. It’s so dangerous she’s got a 9-month ban to sort her shit out.

She was pulled over when she was over the limit - was it the morning after a heavy session? Or when she’d actively had a drink? Ultimately it doesn’t matter but one is desperately reckless, one is ignorant and she’s very likely to repeat it.

Original poster
TwuntyFriend · 21/01/2022 10:46

My initial thoughts were to turn her in, but I didn't want to be the one who lost her her job and potentially 'ruined' her life.

If I report to the police, how will they know she's been driving. Effectively it's my word against hers. Do I contact her work and tell them too?

I know court records are out there and anyone can find them if they look so she's taking a risk that no-one will see too.

It's all such a mess!!

OP posts:
SilverHairedCat · 21/01/2022 10:46

Report her. To the police and to her work.

If she kills someone, you'll never forgive yourself. This is her choice to break the law, it's also her choice to deal with the consequences of her actions.

EmpressCixi · 21/01/2022 10:47

I would not report her. Unless you plan to end the friendship. If she is likely to be caught, let her be caught. Id only report her if she drink drove again...I’d report that. But defying a driving ban isn’t technically endangering anyone so long as she is driving sober.

If you want to help her, try and via the network of all her friends and family sort out lifts to/from work and for her children to school.

I understand why the ban people caught drink driving from driving, but when you are a single parent and you need to drive to work and to take children to school, it is a punishment that can literally make you destitute, possibly homeless and also punishes her innocent children. Reporting would just make it worse.

So either stay quiet or help her abide by the ban and not lose her job or her children end up out of school.

HotToddyColdSauvignon · 21/01/2022 10:47

You’re not the one “ruining” her life. She is

The police can keep an eye out for her car, especially if they know her work pattern. Then can just pull her over “randomly”

Original poster
TwuntyFriend · 21/01/2022 10:47

NoSquirrels She was pulled over driving that night after a drinking session, it wasn't the day after.

I'm unsure if she drives when drunk with the children in the car - but it wouldn't surprise me.

OP posts:
AmandaHoldensLips · 21/01/2022 10:48

Definitely report her to the police. She is a dangerous (and uninsured) driver and needs to be taken off the roads.

Clearly she has yet to reach her own personal "rock bottom" of alcohol addiction.

StarbucksSmarterSister · 21/01/2022 10:48

I didn't want to be the one who lost her her job and potentially 'ruined' her life.

You won't be. She will.

Report her.

NotAnotherPushyMum · 21/01/2022 10:49

@TwuntyFriend

My initial thoughts were to turn her in, but I didn't want to be the one who lost her her job and potentially 'ruined' her life.

If I report to the police, how will they know she's been driving. Effectively it's my word against hers. Do I contact her work and tell them too?

I know court records are out there and anyone can find them if they look so she's taking a risk that no-one will see too.

It's all such a mess!!

She’s the one who’s ‘ruined her life’ not you!
bloodywhitecat · 21/01/2022 10:49

Report her. You have tried talking to her and she is not listening. If she kills someone while she's behind the wheel the consequences are going to be far worse than you reporting her.

Noisyprat · 21/01/2022 10:50

Fortunately for everyone she had told you this because now you can do the right thing. Imagine there is an accident and she kills/seriously injures someone. How will you feel knowing that you could have done something to stop that? Report her and let the authorities deal with it, she may end up getting the help she needs.

AmandaHoldensLips · 21/01/2022 10:50

With a 9 month ban, you're obviously not in the UK.

MayThePawsBeWithYou · 21/01/2022 10:51

Report to the police, she shouldnt be driving under a ban and she knows this. She will be in more trouble if work find out and she hasnt told them.

BABAHOTEL · 21/01/2022 10:52

Oh my goodness what an awful thing to have to deal with.

To be honest, I would probably tell her I was going to do it and I would tell her that I was saving her from herself. Give her the opportunity to tell work herself.

As if the police did catch her, she had an accident etc then the consequences would be worse.

Are there any options for work, like an electric bike?

Flocon · 21/01/2022 10:52

Call the police and let them deal with it. Or crimestoppers anonymously if they are still around.

SilverHairedCat · 21/01/2022 10:52

The police will be interested in what car she's driving and when she's likely to be on the road and where. They'll keep an eye out for her and pull her over. It won't come back to you.

Especially if she's driving her kids - even if she's not drunk, she's unlicensed and uninsured for all car journeys.

I hate these kinds of people who think they don't have to abide by the consequences of their actions and especially when they are in denial about their alcohol abuse.

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