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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to get involved - banned from driving

364 replies

TwuntyFriend · 21/01/2022 10:37

NC for this. It's more of a WWYD.

My friend has had a problem with alcohol for years. She drinks a lot. A few months ago she was pulled over and was found to be over the limit. She was rightly prosecuted, and recently received a 9 month ban.

She needs to be able to drive for her work (carer). She has decided to not tell her work and continue driving as if the ban didn't happen. I have told her this is a stupid idea and utterly reckless, but she's not listening to me and thinks the chances of her getting found out are slim.

The liklihood of her losing her job are high if they know about the ban. She is continuing to drive her small children around as well as for work.

I had hoped that this incident would have been the kick up the arse she needed to get help for the drinking and sort her life out - apparently not.

What on earth do I do? Say something? Keep schtum? I'm out of ideas.

OP posts:

L0bstersLass · 21/01/2022 11:32

@TwuntyFriend

Ok, does anybody know if Drink Driving cases are heard in the magistrates court or crown court? I'm trying to find their hearing listing.

You don't need to do that. All you need in order to report her is her name and her car registration. The police will do the rest.

BashStreetKid · 21/01/2022 11:33

My initial thoughts were to turn her in, but I didn't want to be the one who lost her her job and potentially 'ruined' her life.

If she's a care worker, she's responsible for vulnerable people. Should a drinker really be in that job? What about all the other people whose lives could be ruined by her conduct?

ApolloandDaphne · 21/01/2022 11:34

I would get advice from the police and also contact the school and let them know.

RincewindsHat · 21/01/2022 11:34

@Wreath21

Stay out of it. No one likes a grass.

I think you'll find law enforcement love them.

You'll also find tons of victims of crime who would also ask that someone had been "a grass" if it would have prevented something awful happening.

Stop having such an irresponsible attitude, this is potentially a life and death situation.

Wombat98 · 21/01/2022 11:34

No insurance either. If she has a crash, the insurance could sue her personally.

Crimestoppers.

TheGirlInTheGreenDress · 21/01/2022 11:34

I would not hesitate to report. She could kill someone. Also her insurance will be invalid.

waterlego · 21/01/2022 11:35

@legallytired

I wouldn't report someone for driving whilst banned unless drink driving. I'd report drink driving whether or not someone is banned!

I don’t find this very logical. If you’d report someone for drink driving, then surely you would support their punishment, which is the ban. Otherwise what’s the point in reporting them?

RestingPandaFace · 21/01/2022 11:35

I understand why the ban people caught drink driving from driving, but when you are a single parent and you need to drive to work and to take children to school, it is a punishment that can literally make you destitute, possibly homeless and also punishes her innocent children. Reporting would just make it worse.

Absolute tosh, how do you think the many
tens of thousands of people who can’t drive for medical reasons manage.

She’ll have to get a different job, in a care home, cleaning, hospitality are all crying out for staff.

If she had an accident whilst banned she isn’t insured and could potentially be wiping out someone else’s livelihood or even life.

peridito · 21/01/2022 11:35

Reposting Yummypumkins post

"I think the ideal is you persuade her to tell work.

The arguments I'd make is that as some with a ban as the registered keeper she could quite easily be picked up by ANPR cameras or speed cameras. She could then be looking at jail.

As a care worker she likely has an obligation to declare criminal convictions. She could be looking at dismissal.

Work may be able to change her shifts. There's a desperate shortage of caseworkers.

Her insurance is invalid so any minor accident could cost her tens of thousands and a further prosecution.

In short, if the moral issues don't concern her, encourage her to think through the consequences for her.

She is underestimating the probability of getting caught and underestimating the consequences of being caught".

BliainNua · 21/01/2022 11:36

Report, report, report. She's had her chance to address her issues and instead of taking responsibility, she's taking even more risks.

Rainbowshine · 21/01/2022 11:37

You don’t need to find any local media reports to inform the police, her employer or the school. Just highlight that you have reason to understand she has been banned from driving due to a conviction for drink driving.

Her employer will have to conduct its own due diligence to take any action, as a PP pointed out her alcohol abuse could be putting those she cares for at risk.

The police will determine whether they will do anything, again they would need to gather evidence themselves to meet the requirements for the CPS and prosecution purposes.

The school may add up other observations about the children, E.g. appearance, attendance etc for safeguarding.

All you need to do is tell them you have a reason to understand this is what’s happening.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 21/01/2022 11:37

If she is getting help with drinking and this has given her the wake up call she needs it, I would leave alone.

And if I were minded to report, I like to think I would have the courage of my convictions and decency to tell her first

LIZS · 21/01/2022 11:38

You could mention to Safeguarding officer at her dc school and let them pursue it officially.

Thelittleweasel · 21/01/2022 11:38

@TwuntyFriend

If she has no licence she is not insured with all that entails I'm afraid.

Report now please; you can do it through "Crimestoppers"

Darbs76 · 21/01/2022 11:39

What if she kills someone drink driving and you knew?

hivemindneeded · 21/01/2022 11:40

@TwuntyFriend

My initial thoughts were to turn her in, but I didn't want to be the one who lost her her job and potentially 'ruined' her life.

If I report to the police, how will they know she's been driving. Effectively it's my word against hers. Do I contact her work and tell them too?

I know court records are out there and anyone can find them if they look so she's taking a risk that no-one will see too.

It's all such a mess!!

Tell her she has to stop drinking completely. Tell her if she continues to drink while driving her kids around and while banned from driving, you will have no choice but to report her. But you would prefer to support her and will drive her yourself to an AA (or similar) meeting and wait for her while she attends it. If she refuses, report her.

That's what I'd do.

BTW, it wouldn't be you ruining her life, it would be her. And her life would be a whole lot more ruined if her children died or she killed someone in an accident and ended up in prison.

tcjotm · 21/01/2022 11:42

She’s insane! The punishment for driving while disqualified will be severe. As I started reading I thought you meant she wouldn’t tell them and would use Uber/taxis/friends to help her do her job. That alone would probably get her in trouble at work but at least she could plead she was trying her best to keep her job. Driving for work while disqualified? Faaaaak. She has to find another job where driving isn’t required.

JuergenSchwarzwald · 21/01/2022 11:43

@TwuntyFriend

Ok, does anybody know if Drink Driving cases are heard in the magistrates court or crown court? I'm trying to find their hearing listing.

probably magistrates but it won't make it any easier or harder to find. Just google her name and your town/other local courts where the case might have been heard

eg "sarah jenkins" warrington drink driving court case it should come up on a local newspaper page

Original poster

TwuntyFriend · 21/01/2022 11:43

For those that disagree with reporting, I'd like to understand what else you'd do?

I've talked with her at length about the drinking, the ban, and the consequences of both. I've told her that if she's caught it will be 10 x worse for her. I've offered her help, signposted to services which may help and pleaded with her.

Her attitude is one of denial. Bad things will never happen to her and everything will be ok.

Trust me when I say, this really would be a last resort to get her help.

OP posts:

melj1213 · 21/01/2022 11:44

I'm genuinely shocked at the amount of people on this thread who would turn a blind eye to a banned driver driving.

They ban people for a reason, people don't just get to ignore a ban because it is inconvenient and people shouldn't just ignore the fact they know someone is knowingly and willfully breaking the law.

Report her immediately OP, she is breaking the law and putting countless people at risk from her selfish behaviour.

Georgeskitchen · 21/01/2022 11:45

I believe you have a moral duty to report this. Besides her potentially causing deaths she also won't be insured and unable to tax her vehicle . She could easily be picked up on ANPR so is quite likely to be stopped anyway. Hopefully before she kills or seriously injured someone

Sonex · 21/01/2022 11:46

I'm not even sure you need to report her (though you should), as soon as she drives on the motorway or in a built up area she will be picked up and flagged to police by ANPR as a banned (and insured) driver driving - unless there is someone else on the insurance maybe?

Does she realsie she will get a prison sentence when they catch her?

PattyPan · 21/01/2022 11:47

@Wreath21

Stay out of it. No one likes a grass.

Don't be stupid. Anyone whose family has been affected by drink driving likes a grass in this case.

LookItsMeAgain · 21/01/2022 11:48

@TwuntyFriend - you wrote this My initial thoughts were to turn her in, but I didn't want to be the one who lost her her job and potentially 'ruined' her life.
You would NOT be that person.
Because of her reliance on alcohol, SHE would be that person. She had a choice not to drink over the limit but she chose different. She got pulled over, SHE was over the limit, SHE got the driving ban. They don't hand those out to just everyone, you have to meet certain criteria to get a driving ban and she met those criteria, and then some I'd imagine.

Contact the police and tell them she is still driving. Let them deal with it.

beastlyslumber · 21/01/2022 11:48

Oh OP, I really feel for you. I don't know what the right thing would be to do, either. I think it depends a little on how close you are and how much you're willing to help her. Could you and others set up a system to take her kids to school? Maybe she could sell her car and get an electric bike for work? Maybe she could get another job where she doesn't need to drive. Obviously if she's sacked for gross misconduct then it will be harder to get another job, so she would be better off getting something new now and giving up her car.

On the other hand, if she is driving drunk and isn't willing to give up her car, then it would be hard to sit back and do nothing at all. I think I would probably tell her how worried you are and see what she says. You can let her know that you are willing to report her to her work or to the police, or both, and that at least gives her an opportunity to make the changes she needs to make herself. She can't assume that others will keep covering for her.

What a difficult situation to be in, OP. Doing nothing isn't really an option, but the options you have are hard.

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