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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to get involved - banned from driving

364 replies

TwuntyFriend · 21/01/2022 10:37

NC for this. It's more of a WWYD.

My friend has had a problem with alcohol for years. She drinks a lot. A few months ago she was pulled over and was found to be over the limit. She was rightly prosecuted, and recently received a 9 month ban.

She needs to be able to drive for her work (carer). She has decided to not tell her work and continue driving as if the ban didn't happen. I have told her this is a stupid idea and utterly reckless, but she's not listening to me and thinks the chances of her getting found out are slim.

The liklihood of her losing her job are high if they know about the ban. She is continuing to drive her small children around as well as for work.

I had hoped that this incident would have been the kick up the arse she needed to get help for the drinking and sort her life out - apparently not.

What on earth do I do? Say something? Keep schtum? I'm out of ideas.

OP posts:
iloverunningslow · 21/01/2022 11:49

If someone is driving when banned, they are also driving uninsured. If they have an accident, perhaps they hit a pedestrian, and the pedestrian is seriously injured, perhaps paralysed, perhaps needs adaptations to their home and care to help them live their life - there will be no insurance money to help that person. If the uninsured driver kills someone, say a parent, who is the breadwinner for their family, there won't be any payout unless that person had their own insurance. Their family could be left with nothing or lose their home, just because of the uninsured driver.

Therefore I would report her even if she was totally sober and was never going to drink drive again. All drivers have to have insurance for a reason.

HeyMoana · 21/01/2022 11:51

The reason addicts often loose people around them is because they gradually need others to loosen their boundaries to allow them to continue with their addiction.
Keeping quiet about this would be an overstepping of my boundaries ( values that run deeper in you than your loyalty to her ). I would feel her behaviour was costing me something that I didn't want to give up. I would have to report her knowing it would possibly be the end of the friendship. I would be there for her in future if she turned things around.

SailingNotSurfing · 21/01/2022 11:52

If she's a friend, can't you talk to her? Persuade her to get help for her alcohol problem. Maybe even encourage her to tell her employers who may be able to offer welfare advice and support.

I worked with a nurse who was subtly drinking on duty, then it became not so subtle and she was suspended. During her suspension, she went into rehab, organised by her union, and was able to return to work after a few weeks, with some limitations on her duties for a while. As far as I know she is still in recovery.

fluffiphlox · 21/01/2022 11:55

Report her to her work and to the police.

PinkiOcelot · 21/01/2022 11:55

The thing is, it doesn’t have to be a major bump or accident, it could just be a prang in a car park and it would be found out that she uninsured.

You definitely need to report.

TyrannosaurusRegina · 21/01/2022 11:56

I would report. It's not often but what if she got a new client who, as part if their care plan, got taken out once a week to do a social outing. Would she say to her employer, sorry I can't I'm banned from driving. Or would she just drive them? Regardless, I'd be reporting her.

TheOccupier · 21/01/2022 11:56

Tell the police. If she's an alcoholic, she will drink-drive again.

LookItsMeAgain · 21/01/2022 11:57

I'm gobsmacked at the number of posters on this thread that would report for drunk driving (which resulted in a driving BAN) and not for the subsequent driving while banned.
It genuinely beggars belief.

Your friend will most likely have to apply for a new license @TwuntyFriend:
www.insurancefactory.co.uk/news/November-2019/Top-tips-to-get-back-on-the-road-after-a-driving-b
www.gov.uk/driving-disqualifications

There is also no mention of 9 months driving ban on the Gov.UK site. I'd say she is talking out of her arse about that and is completely in denial about the whole thing.
Please see this as an intervention and not a wrecking her career move.

Noshowlomo · 21/01/2022 11:59

I would 100% report. I nearly reported my ex friend who was always off her face driving but then she smashed her car and ended up carless because of it.
We don't speak now so unsure if shes driving illegally but I would report in your case.

RubyDarke · 21/01/2022 12:00

Driving with excess alcohol is a summary only offence so has to be heard in the Magistrates' Court.
However, an appeal against conviction or sentence would be heard in the Crown Court by a judge sitting with magistrates.

You can look up sentencing guidelines online. This is the relevant one here www.sentencingcouncil.org.uk/offences/magistrates-court/item/excess-alcohol-driveattempt-to-drive-revised-2017/

12 months is the minimum ban, however it is possible to avoid or reduce a ban through a 'special reasons' procedure which is very difficult to prove as the reasons accepted are very very narrow.

wantmorenow · 21/01/2022 12:00

This is also a safeguarding concern which must be reported to the school. Do their father know?

Ovenaffray · 21/01/2022 12:01

Report her to the police. They will watch and catch her driving. Pull her over.

(I did this also re drink driving although the person wasn’t banned I knew they were drink driving )

MorningStarling · 21/01/2022 12:01

YABU, massively, for not calling the police immediately. Give them her number plate and they will look out for her. Ideally you should contact her employer too, sending them a copy of the newspaper report or link relating to her crime if available.

LookItsMeAgain · 21/01/2022 12:02

This is from the Gov.UK website:
www.gov.uk/drink-driving-penalties

tcjotm · 21/01/2022 12:02

“Her attitude is one of denial. Bad things will never happen to her and everything will be ok”

Um, bad things already happened. She got pulled over and caught and lost her license. What more evidence does she want? She’s daft if she thinks she’ll never get pulled over again.

MamTDM · 21/01/2022 12:03

Some perspective on 'ruining her life' by reporting her: I have a friend who lost her fiance, her brother and her 7-year-old son to three separate drunk drivers over a period of about eight years. I have absolutely zero tolerance of drink driving and would report her in a heartbeat.

PrincessNikla · 21/01/2022 12:03

@TwuntyFriend

My initial thoughts were to turn her in, but I didn't want to be the one who lost her her job and potentially 'ruined' her life.

If I report to the police, how will they know she's been driving. Effectively it's my word against hers. Do I contact her work and tell them too?

I know court records are out there and anyone can find them if they look so she's taking a risk that no-one will see too.

It's all such a mess!!

but I didn't want to be the one who lost her her job and potentially 'ruined' her life.

did you make her drive while drunk? did you make her drive while she was banned? if so, then yes you lost her her job, and ruined her life??

did you report her while she was doing these things? did you stop her potentially killing or maiming someone? No, then you are to blame

Report her

londonrach · 21/01/2022 12:07

You done the right thing op. If she killed a child or anyone due to her drink driving you couldn't live with knowing she was still driving. Well done op x

CuriousaboutSamphire · 21/01/2022 12:07

@TwuntyFriend

My initial thoughts were to turn her in, but I didn't want to be the one who lost her her job and potentially 'ruined' her life.

If I report to the police, how will they know she's been driving. Effectively it's my word against hers. Do I contact her work and tell them too?

I know court records are out there and anyone can find them if they look so she's taking a risk that no-one will see too.

It's all such a mess!!

You won't have ruined her life, she is doing that herself.

You tell the police, they will ask you some questions. Then it is up to them. I know because I have reported someone in a similar position.

Phone them now.

ImALittlePea · 21/01/2022 12:07

I would tell her that she's given you no choice but to report her, unless she does the right thing and tells work, stops driving etc. Give her the chance to make it right, and if she can't then you absolutely must. She's making you complicit in this illegal mess. Could you live with yourself if something happened? Does she have a partner/family? Do they know, or does anyone else know? Can you speak to them and stage some sort of intervention.

I have to say, I'd be seriously rethinking the friendship based on this. What a horrible position for you to be in.

Justcallmebebes · 21/01/2022 12:08

With a 9 month ban, you're obviously not in the UK.

For a first offence it's usually 12 months but you can take a drink awareness course which shaves a third off - so 9 months

Was the case not reported in the local press OP?

StanleyGreen · 21/01/2022 12:08

@EmpressCixi

I would not report her. Unless you plan to end the friendship. If she is likely to be caught, let her be caught. Id only report her if she drink drove again...I’d report that. But defying a driving ban isn’t technically endangering anyone so long as she is driving sober.

If you want to help her, try and via the network of all her friends and family sort out lifts to/from work and for her children to school.

I understand why the ban people caught drink driving from driving, but when you are a single parent and you need to drive to work and to take children to school, it is a punishment that can literally make you destitute, possibly homeless and also punishes her innocent children. Reporting would just make it worse.

So either stay quiet or help her abide by the ban and not lose her job or her children end up out of school.

Even though she probably isn't legally insured now?
sashh · 21/01/2022 12:10

@AmandaHoldensLips

With a 9 month ban, you're obviously not in the UK.
If you have a 12 month ban and complete a relevant course your ban is reduced by 1/4 which for a 12 month ban is 9 months.

www.gov.uk/drink-drive-course

OP

I'd report tot he police, I would also report it to the children's school, a parent driving with no insurance, possibly drunk is a safe guarding issue.

Wineisoverrated · 21/01/2022 12:10

Call the police and report her anonymously.

She’s put herself in this situation and not you. Rather you report her to the police and she gets into trouble than she crashes the car whilst drunk, god forbid hurts someone and has the children in the car.

pansypotter123 · 21/01/2022 12:12

But defying a driving ban isn’t technically endangering anyone so long as she is driving sober.

Really!?! 🤯

I despair when I read comments such as this.

So we assume she'll immediately walk out of court and never drink drive again.

Even if the shock of attending court was enough to render her tee-total, who has the arrogance to believe they can defy a properly imposed court order and punishment?

And what about the lack of insurance (voided upon disqualification) in the event there is an accident and someone is left seriously injured or worse, regardless of whether or not drink is involved. Even damage to another car has to be paid for. How is that to be paid In event of a minor collision even?

Driving whilst disqualified is an imprisonable offence. The courts take it very seriously indeed.

I truly wonder how some people get through life Confused

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