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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... to be disappointed at 25th Wedding Anniv Gift from DH?

280 replies

OhhMeOhhMy · 21/01/2022 08:04

... A 2 day stay at a really really nice hotel/spa with highly rated restaurant for me and my DSis.

First world problems I know :(

But I still feel unhappy enough about to NC, and make a post. On the positive side I have mentioned wanting to go there in the past. I do get on with my DSis (we're close, but she is not my best friend)

Don't know what I was expecting really, but not this!

AIBU?

OP posts:
whynotwhatknot · 21/01/2022 10:18

its nice but a bit weird to send you off with someone else for your anniversary

its more like a birthday present

GiltEdges · 21/01/2022 10:20

Fine as a birthday gift, not so much for an anniversary IMO.

Rosscameasdoody · 21/01/2022 10:20

I think I’d be a bit put out that the trip was arranged for me and A.N.other instead of DH. If it’s your silver wedding anniversary you’d think it would be a weekend away together somewhere. Are you reading something into this, or do you think he just thought it would be nice for you to have a treat ?

Ponoka7 · 21/01/2022 10:20

I also agree that more context is needed. He's booked you somewhere that you've said you wanted to go, great he's listened and got that right. Booked on the anniversary itself, not good. Ran past your/his Mum/relative and they've suggested your sister, an easy mistake. However he's bought your sis the gift as well. It would have been lovely if the family clubbed together and paid for sis. It's a pity that he didn't involve your best friend in the planning, but then that might have seemed cheeky.
If you particularly like silver jewelry, it's disappointing. But he's got it partially right.

2pinkginsplease · 21/01/2022 10:21

Lovely gift but why is he not going with you!?

St0rmTr00per · 21/01/2022 10:22

It depends on your personal circumstances I suppose. Me and DH go on weekends away every few months, whether spa or city breaks. So for him to surprise me with child free time with a friend/sister would be great. Not something I would splash out on myself (paying for the friend) and also a lovely treat for my friend/sister. Also im sure they would repay the treat with lunch or whatever in the future so I get a second gift. As long as you see one another regularly and do nice things then I think hes been really kind.

Ponoka7 · 21/01/2022 10:23

Also, did he get wind that you might have booked a meal on the anniversary itself? In previous generations it was a gift from the DH to his wife because of a lack of earnings. The wife would cook something nice. You could be anything from 45 upwards, so it depends on what fits your circumstances. Gifts/meals/trips are given equally now.

kickupafuss · 21/01/2022 10:24

Is there a reason he didn't book it for the two of you?

OneTC · 21/01/2022 10:29

I'm not entirely sure what a spa entails but from what i imagine it's something OH would love and I wouldn't. The chances of us ever doing it together are zero. However she'd like it, so it would make an acceptable gift, and because I wouldn't like it, I'd look to arrange for someone for her to go with. This really sounds like a good present.

But I wouldn't book it for our actual date we celebrate. Me and OH would rather spend the day together, even if not doing anything particularly exciting (we think days off work at the same time are quite exciting) than spend it apart.

But yeah, for the following weekend, another date, it sounds perfect if you like that kinda thing

Whatwillbewilbe · 21/01/2022 10:29

Lovely gift - if he was going with you. Very strange for him to have done this.

saleorbouy · 21/01/2022 10:29

You sound very unappreciative of his kind thoughtful gift. I hope he cancels it and gets some tickets for a weekend to watch the football and drink beer with his mates!

saleorbouy · 21/01/2022 10:30

What did you get him?

Autumnscene · 21/01/2022 10:31

All these people saying you’re hard work - I don’t think they know what a good marriage is meant to be like.

UndertheCedartree · 21/01/2022 10:34

It is her gift for their WA not what they are doing themselves to celebrate their WA.

I'd love that gift - sounds amazing. I'm sure he wouldn't mind if you chose someone else to go with you if that's the issue.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 21/01/2022 10:35

I hope he cancels it and gets some tickets for a weekend to watch the football and drink beer with his mates!

Which he could well be doing because the gift was for the OP and her sister.

helpfulperson · 21/01/2022 10:38

Surely a trip away for your anniversary is something for you to plan together and agree on what you want to do. This is a present from him to you not the joint celebration.

EmpressCixi · 21/01/2022 10:40

@Autumnscene

All these people saying you’re hard work - I don’t think they know what a good marriage is meant to be like.
Why would you say this? What is a “good marriage” meant to be like? Because if you think in a good marriage no one ever gets a tad disappointed, you have read too many romance novels.
TellingBone · 21/01/2022 10:44

It's a gift for himself really isn't it? Does he have a 'hobby' that involves weekends with the lads? Is he a MAMIL? 😄

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 21/01/2022 10:49

Well I'd say sending your wife off to celebrate your 25th anniversary without you isn't a great sign of a good marriage!

HotPenguin · 21/01/2022 10:50

You sound really ungrateful. If you want to do something together, why don't you book it as your gift to him? Booking a trip for you and a friend shows he's doing something nice just for you, not himself. He sounds nice!

RobinsReliant · 21/01/2022 10:51

It’s a lovely present. The only thing is that I would want to be able to choose who I took with me. I assume as well it doesn’t have to take place on your anniversary date (or has he booked it for that?)

I assume your DH doesn’t like spas or eating out otherwise he would have wanted to go with you?

Change the date. Take who you want.

EmpressCixi · 21/01/2022 10:52

@alwayscrashinginthesamecar1

Well I'd say sending your wife off to celebrate your 25th anniversary without you isn't a great sign of a good marriage!
We don’t know that is the case. It is stated as her present for their 25th anniversary. There is no information as to whether this is all they are doing or that it is even booked on the anniversary itself. You are jumping to conclusions. And usually a wedding anniversary present is supposed to be something nice for your spouse. How is a spa day any different from jewellery? It doesn’t have to be a joint present to be appropriate or given with love.
Shehasadiamondinthesky · 21/01/2022 10:54

For my 10th anniversary my exH bought me a collar....think BDSM.
I'm not into BDSM in fact I actively hate it and detest the BDSM lifestyle.
It was leather, I'm a vegan.
It cost £20.
I saved up for months to get him something he's wanted all his life.
I should have divorced him then really.

InPraiseOfBacchus · 21/01/2022 10:59

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

For my 10th anniversary my exH bought me a collar....think BDSM. I'm not into BDSM in fact I actively hate it and detest the BDSM lifestyle. It was leather, I'm a vegan. It cost £20. I saved up for months to get him something he's wanted all his life. I should have divorced him then really.
OMG, you actually win. I can't think of a worse gift than this. I'm kinky as heck and would never dream of pulling a stunt like this.

What was his reasoning for it? Was he hoping you'd come around to the idea? DID you divorce him???

DSGR · 21/01/2022 11:05

I think it’s a fab gift! But I’d want to go with DH