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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... to be disappointed at 25th Wedding Anniv Gift from DH?

280 replies

OhhMeOhhMy · 21/01/2022 08:04

... A 2 day stay at a really really nice hotel/spa with highly rated restaurant for me and my DSis.

First world problems I know :(

But I still feel unhappy enough about to NC, and make a post. On the positive side I have mentioned wanting to go there in the past. I do get on with my DSis (we're close, but she is not my best friend)

Don't know what I was expecting really, but not this!

AIBU?

OP posts:
Cocomarine · 21/01/2022 08:59

What did you get him?
Are spas and fancy meals something you do?
What sort of presents do you usually both do?
Is your sister just a suggestion “and you can take someone” but she doesn’t know and you could take a friend?
What stops you from saying, “I love this, but I’d rather go with you!”?
Is it just that you wanted a THING. Like jewellery.

Just too many questions.

If you love spas and have separately got a 25th “time together” holiday booked, then it’s a fab present.

If after 25 years you can’t be bothered to do things together, and you’ve always said spas sound dull, then it’s a shit present.

WatchMyChops · 21/01/2022 09:00

@Stepinside

The poll results versus the comments are interesting.

80% - YABU (OP should not be disappointed)
20% - YANBU

Majority of the comments are from people YANBU. Interesting :)

I’m on the fence here. On one hand it is indeed a first world because a two day stay at a snazzy hotel/spa with highly rated restaurant sounds lovely. But on the other hand, perhaps the OP wanted to go away with her husband?
billy1966 · 21/01/2022 09:00

Why do you have to bring your sister?

Your choice completely.

Bring a good friend.

TheHoptimist · 21/01/2022 09:02

She said the restaurant was highly rated not great
Lots of highly rated restaurants are not ones I would want to go too

I personally wouldn’t spend £300 for dinner at the restaurant attached to my spa but others do (I have in the past and it wasn’t worth it)

Sciurus83 · 21/01/2022 09:03

The gift is lovely but it is a little odd it's not with him. Surely on your anniversary is the time to reflect on all your years together and enjoy each other's company?

WimpoleHat · 21/01/2022 09:07

I’m assuming you get on well with your sister, OP? In which case, I think he thought it was about arranging something nice for you - for you yourself, not a joint “let’s do this together”. It was a gift, rather than a joint experience. Obviously, strangers on the internet can’t advise on your marriage as we don’t know the context, but, on the surface, this doesn’t seem awful to me. Have you suggested doing/going somewhere together to mark the occasion as well?

riotlady · 21/01/2022 09:09

I think the comments about wanting to spend time with your husband depend on when/how the gift was given. If it’s your anniversary this weekend, you’re spending the weekend doing things together, and as a gift he’s gotten you a weekend with your sister some other time, YABU. If he’s sending you away FOR your anniversary weekend and the two of you aren’t doing something together, YANBU, I totally see where you’re coming from.

WhenTheyComeForYou · 21/01/2022 09:11

@TheHoptimist

She said the restaurant was highly rated not great Lots of highly rated restaurants are not ones I would want to go too

I personally wouldn’t spend £300 for dinner at the restaurant attached to my spa but others do (I have in the past and it wasn’t worth it)

Most people rate a restaurant highly when they think it's great.

Whether a restaurant is good is subjective anyway. Lots of people love McDonalds 😬

OP has a gift that most women would love. Her husband, unless he's a prick, probably thinks she'd love it too.

This is a time for OP to either speak up and change the booking (its VERY easy to swap guest names at spas) or just arrange something else in addition. OR accept it is a gift and make the most of it.

It's just seems a tad entitled to me.

Id understand if the gift was a pair of socks, but come on, a luxurious spa stay and meal is very generous and should be accepted gracefully

Sedai · 21/01/2022 09:12

I understand. You want a romantic getaway for you both, not a girly day with your sister. Nice for a birthday, but not a big wedding anniversary.

MindyStClaire · 21/01/2022 09:12

I'd be delighted with that present for Christmas or my birthday, but a little hurt for a wedding anniversary.

FiveShelties · 21/01/2022 09:12

Do tell us what you have bought for him.

BABAHOTEL · 21/01/2022 09:14

@LadyPenelope68

You sound ungrateful and hard work.
She really doesn't, I too would expect my DH to be going with me.

I t

Ellavoday · 21/01/2022 09:16

You don’t have to take your sister. He hasn’t mentioned to her has he?

Is he trying to avoid going himself?

FelicityPike · 21/01/2022 09:20

I think I would feel the same.
I would be disappointed that it wasn’t a weekend away with my husband.

Reallycantbesarsed · 21/01/2022 09:21

Am sure you could take whoever you like …enjoy l

grapewine · 21/01/2022 09:21

What did you get him?

It's a gift. It can probably be refunded. You'd said you wanted to go, though.

3luckystars · 21/01/2022 09:22

He missed the mark alright. What did you get him?

MrsClatterbuck · 21/01/2022 09:24

For our 25th we went to a more upmarket hotel than we normally would to the Canary Islands. And big Birthdays we have always gone for a nice trip together. I would be very miffed. Wedding Anniversaries are for celebrating together.

Oblomov22 · 21/01/2022 09:24

Sounds lovely. Were you expecting to go with him? What were you expecting?

Abraxan · 21/01/2022 09:25

I'd find it very strange to have a wedding anniversary gift of a night/day away that was for me and another person, as opposed to me and my husband.

If the same gift was for a birthday/Christmas it wouldn't feel so odd, but a wedding anniversary - yes, def sounds strange unless decided together for some reasons.

DillDanding · 21/01/2022 09:26

That’s a weird anniversary gift.

Why did he not book something for the 2 of you?

MakingAComment · 21/01/2022 09:28

I'd like something like that. It would suit my situation. I get on great with DS and she does not live near, so when we do visit/meet up it's always great, we do dinner/drinks and so on.

ginslinger · 21/01/2022 09:28

I'd be disappointed that he doesn't seem to want to celebrate together unless there is some roaring backstory where you have caring responsibilities that he is taking on while you go to the spa

shouldistop · 21/01/2022 09:29

Did you do something together for your anniversary and this is an extra gift?

Pipsquiggle · 21/01/2022 09:29

Not enough info to say if YABU or not.

The fact that he remembered a place you mentioned you'd like to go to and booked it is rather sweet.

Inviting your DSis is slightly weird but he might have thought going on a girls weekend is what you would like.

Would you prefer it if he was going instead of you DSis? If so tell him?

BTW nice UK spa hotels with highly rated restaurants are booked out months in advance and are very costly so if you don't want this I would tell him ASAP