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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... to be disappointed at 25th Wedding Anniv Gift from DH?

280 replies

OhhMeOhhMy · 21/01/2022 08:04

... A 2 day stay at a really really nice hotel/spa with highly rated restaurant for me and my DSis.

First world problems I know :(

But I still feel unhappy enough about to NC, and make a post. On the positive side I have mentioned wanting to go there in the past. I do get on with my DSis (we're close, but she is not my best friend)

Don't know what I was expecting really, but not this!

AIBU?

OP posts:
Dozycuntlaters · 21/01/2022 09:49

Nice gesture as it is, YANBU. It seems very strange paying for a weekend away for you and your sister on what is a big milestone anniversary. Unless of course, you have a nice weekend or holiday booked with your DH also for your anniversary. Otherwise, yes it's odd and I would be a bit miffed too, and I'm usually the most laid back person ever.

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 21/01/2022 09:49

You do not sound like hard work, some posters on here are bloody ridiculous! It was my 25th anniversary in December, we went to a gorgeous hotel to celebrate together! I'd have been bloody hurt to be sent off with my sister. That would be a great birthday or xmas gift, but an anniversary, especially a significant one, is totally different!

Panda2020 · 21/01/2022 09:49

This is really odd to me. I wouldn’t want to spend our 25th anniversary with anyone else other my husband

C8H10N4O2 · 21/01/2022 09:50

Context is everything.

Did you discuss plans for your 25th beforehand? It seems odd to me not to celebrate together and/or with family but what would you normally do?

TatianaBis · 21/01/2022 09:52

Do you get on with your DH? It sounds like he’s packing you off.

godmum56 · 21/01/2022 09:53

@knittingaddict

Blimey, all the disingenuous posts asking what the problem is. This seems to be endemic on mn recently.

It's bloody weird to arrange a hotel stay with someone other than your spouse on your anniversary. Really bloody weird.

I would be disappointed too op.

this definitely.....maybe great for a birthday or christmas but NOT for a wedding anniversary
thewhatsit · 21/01/2022 09:55

I think it sounds lovely on the face of it but waayyyy more context needed. I agree with a PP that if it is a gift given for your anniversary and you’ll be spending our anniversary together that’s really nice vs you spending your anniversary without him at a hotel!

LeifSan · 21/01/2022 09:55

I’d be touched by that gift for a birthday or other special occasion, but for a wedding anniversary i’d be hoping for something personal to the marriage.

ConstanceL · 21/01/2022 09:56

Be interested to hear what you got him. Were you expecting jewellery?

JeffThePilot · 21/01/2022 09:56

@Panda2020

This is really odd to me. I wouldn’t want to spend our 25th anniversary with anyone else other my husband
I’m unclear about whether the spa break was booked for the anniversary or given to her as a gift on the anniversary.
Grasping · 21/01/2022 09:59

Is it actually for the date of your anniversary.

That would be weird, but nice otherwise!

LampLighter414 · 21/01/2022 09:59

You sound hard work OP

irishfarmer · 21/01/2022 10:01

Spa hotel with great restaurant sounds lovely. But not with your sister for your anniversary present! Why didn't he book it for both of you? I'd be annoyed DH didn't book something for us to do together. Have you talked to him about it?

Forrandomposts · 21/01/2022 10:02

He sounds thoughtless and not willing to give his time to the relationship

Only on mumsnet is booking a trip for your partner, to a place they've said they want to go, 'thoughtless'.

sanbeiji · 21/01/2022 10:03

@alwayscrashinginthesamecar1

You do not sound like hard work, some posters on here are bloody ridiculous! It was my 25th anniversary in December, we went to a gorgeous hotel to celebrate together! I'd have been bloody hurt to be sent off with my sister. That would be a great birthday or xmas gift, but an anniversary, especially a significant one, is totally different!
Thé bar on MN is ankle high. OTOH maybe lots of posters just like sticking the boot in. Nobody in RL would be happy with this, unless there’s a drip feed (I.e they are going away together, this is extra.)

MN is so strange

MoiraNotRuby · 21/01/2022 10:08

@riotlady

I think the comments about wanting to spend time with your husband depend on when/how the gift was given. If it’s your anniversary this weekend, you’re spending the weekend doing things together, and as a gift he’s gotten you a weekend with your sister some other time, YABU. If he’s sending you away FOR your anniversary weekend and the two of you aren’t doing something together, YANBU, I totally see where you’re coming from.
This is what I was thinking.
IusedToBeYoung · 21/01/2022 10:08

Definitely not the right gift for the occasion and strange to pick the other guest too. Why not just trip for two blah blah.

However, my husband has announced he is leaving me for our 25th anniversary so could be worse!!

Marimaur · 21/01/2022 10:10

Present sounds lovely, but it’s with the wrong person. Like he’s paying to send you away for two days..

Crayzeefrog · 21/01/2022 10:12

This as a birthday present would be lovely but anniversary is a bit odd to not book something for you to do together!

Depends on context really- did you have a lovely anniversary celebration (meal, drinks etc) and this is an add on that he thought you would love to get away and there is nobody to look after the kids so he’s going to do it? Or is it more about sending you away for the weekend because he’d rather not spend the time with you and wants to go out with the lads without you saying no?!

thewhatsit · 21/01/2022 10:12

@GreenClock

Great present for a birthday, for an anniversary not so much.

I could maybe understand it if the couple has small children and the recipient is the main care-giver and housekeeper- it would be a lovely break away from the daily grind in those circumstances. But I’m assuming that after 25y of marriage the OP’s children (if they exist) are grown now, or nearly there, and she’s past the “I’m shattered and need a weekend to myself!” stage. I may be wrong…

This is absolutely the context we need.

It may be that the OP loves hotels / spas and the DH perceives that she needs a break but would never book this kind of thing for herself. He might hate that kind of thing (but be trying to find a way to get her to enjoy it) or it might be hard for them to get away together due to young children or caring responsibilities.

Or he could just not want to spend the time with her.

Everyone is projecting from their own situations and relationships. I honestly don’t think this question can really be answered 🤷‍♀️

Weredone · 21/01/2022 10:13

Wow I would absolutely love something like this. I think this sounds like a nice gift. What were you expecting?

PavlovsDoggie · 21/01/2022 10:14

As a present it sounds great! But with almost anyone other than my DSIS :( In our case we'd organize things like that together, and pick something that.

Maybe a silly question, but do you do many things together? Do you go on holidays together? I've went on a few hols/breaks without DH, and enjoy those too (in a different way to the DH ones)

OperationRinka · 21/01/2022 10:15

I think it's a lovely and thoughtful gift in itself but he's made an error of judgment in the tone and judging your expectations for the occasion.

EmpressCixi · 21/01/2022 10:17

YABU
You dropped hints that it’s a place you’d like to go and now are all dismayed and upset he listened to you and bought you a lovely weekend away. Don’t hint at wanting something you don’t actually want.

Also noted you haven’t answered the question: what did you get him as a present?

Fatmax22 · 21/01/2022 10:18

Well, if my DH enjoyed this sort of thing I'd have hoped we'd go together. For a 25th anniversary I'd have liked to do something together that we'd both enjoy - but as I'm half of the partnership I would have been discussing this well in advance of the actual event and we'd probably decide what we were going to do together (that's in fact what we did).
If a 2 night spa stay with someone else was something my DH knew I'd love then I'd appreciate the present, but want to be able to decide for myself who I wanted to go with.
So for those reasons Op I say YANBU. But maybe you should have spoken up in advance to sort out a joint present, it's an anniversary not a birthday.