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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be delighted DS wasted all his Christmas money?

234 replies

newnamenewyear · 20/01/2022 15:21

13yo DS had £70 of Christmas money from various relatives.

Given the last two years we've had with Covid he's not had a lot of experience of hanging about with his mates outside in the world - they just seem to want to be on the computer all the time, so I'm keen to encourage him to be independent and get out and do stuff.

Last weekend, he and a couple of friends went into town. I didn't realise he'd taken ALL his Christmas money with him. He spent it all on absolute crap, moatly for his friends and now has nothing to show for it. I know he wanted to buy a bit of kit for his hobby with it.

He's asked a couple of times if I'll replace it and the answer is no, of course (even though I want to!)

He's annoyed with himself, sad his money is gone and that he can't buy the bit of kit he wanted. He'll have to save up his pocket money now if he wants it.

I'm really hope he's learnt an important lesson - if you waste your money it's gone!

I hope he learns this lesson now, if so it'll be £70 well spent. I was shit with money as a young woman, I don't want him to be like I was.

OP posts:
TeddyBeans · 20/01/2022 15:23

I think you're absolutely right here. He's old enough to learn that lesson

Handholding587 · 20/01/2022 15:24

I wouldn't exactly be delighted, to be honest. I think I'd be quite cross. But as you say, he will learn from it, but only if you stick to your guns and don't replace it.

Original poster
newnamenewyear · 20/01/2022 15:25

It's hard to resist the urge to want to fix it for him!

But I know I need to, don't I?!

OP posts:
Bananalanacake · 20/01/2022 15:25

What did he spend it on, macdonalds? you are right to be happy as he needs to learn how to budget.

notacooldad · 20/01/2022 15:25

Ok he may have learned a lesson but its mean spirited to be delighted.

stayathomer · 20/01/2022 15:25

You are totally right but a bit too happy about it!!!

Slingingcontest · 20/01/2022 15:27

Absolutely YANBU. We all learn from mistakes!

"I have every confidence in you that you will earn it back in no time!" would be my reply to any grumbling.

I recognise the urge to "put it all right again" though Smile but, exceptional circumstances aside, you are not doing them any favours by doing this.

sadpapercourtesan · 20/01/2022 15:27

I think it's a bit mean to be delighted tbh. I agree that he'll learn a much-needed lesson from it, but I'd be sympathetic rather than gleeful. He's a young teenager and it's for you to support and scaffold him in learning to make good choices, not laugh at him when he fucks up Sad

Flocon · 20/01/2022 15:27

Did his friends pressure him into spending it on them? You might want to have a word about not flashing the cash and being taken advantage of.

Flocon · 20/01/2022 15:28

He's a young teenager and it's for you to support and scaffold him in learning to make good choices, not laugh at him when he fucks up I agree with this tbh. Being delighted is a bit off.

FreshHeaven · 20/01/2022 15:29

It's a life lesson.

Footnote · 20/01/2022 15:29

Can he sell any of the stuff he bought?
Do you have any scope to let him earn some money?

Slingingcontest · 20/01/2022 15:29

Oh - about the "delighted" bit - no! I would be glad he had actually managed to do some RL socialising, but sorry (for him) he wasn't more prudent with his cash!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 20/01/2022 15:31

How about a third option - where you let him earn the money from doing extra chores/jobs around the house - that way he learns the value of the money and how hard it is to earn money.

Dixiechickonhols · 20/01/2022 15:31

I’d worry what he’d spent it on and why? Eg if he’s trying to buy friends by buying them lunch or been pressured into treating them etc. £70 is a lot to have nothing to show for it. He’s not bought something daft like a penknife or nitrous oxide etc.

Toanewstart22 · 20/01/2022 15:31

I can’t relate to your post on every level

He has his first blow out post covid as a young teen
He was generous

And you’re delighted he’s wasted it

Who needs enemies when you have parents like this

TellMeItsPossible · 20/01/2022 15:32

I would probably be cross, and then help him learn to budget, encourage him to get a paper round, etc.

Money management doesn't just happen, it needs to be actively taught. This is a great opportunity to learn, but it could also backfire spectacularly and he just feels shame about it. That would not serve him well in life, at all.

Pleaseuniverseplease · 20/01/2022 15:32

I'm equally 'delighted' that my ds has spent his Christmas money on Roblox and Fortnite.
He spent £60 on Fortnite on Christmas Day and had decided to save the rest however it was burning a hole in his pocket and his final £20 went on a PlayStation gift card yesterdayHmm.
Altogether he had £150 on the 25th Dec!
Nothing to show for it.
I had hoped he'd put some towards the trainers he really wants. I did remind him to that now he won't be able to buy them as I certainly won't be paying £100+ and my budget will be £60.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 20/01/2022 15:34

I'd be delighted too. It's a relatively cheap life lesson. One that won't have any drastic effects on anything important but will still Sting enough for him to remember.

Delighted because the know how much harder that lesson could have been

Delighted because he hasn't been hurt by it, has just annoyed himself.

Just resist the temptation to make it right for him

Original poster
newnamenewyear · 20/01/2022 15:34

@Handholding587

I wouldn't exactly be delighted, to be honest. I think I'd be quite cross. But as you say, he will learn from it, but only if you stick to your guns and don't replace it.
See, I'm not cross with him. I know his dad would be, that would be his first response.

But he's had very little experience of being out in the world in the last few years - certainly much, much less than I'd had at that age.

At 13, I'd spent loads of time hanging about in shops with friends and nicking sweets not buying anything much.

Him and his friends spend all their time in computer land. The big wide world is new to him! Before Covid, he was in primary school and if he was hanging out with his mates, they'd be in the park together, or driven somewhere by us.

They've missed that whole bit where you get more independent when you go to secondary at 11, and start doing more grown up stuff, as the've been stuck in coz of covid and have got so used to being on their computers.

They don't want to go to the park anymore. Getting them to go to town together is rare! And I don't blame him if he makes mistakes like spending all his money at once. It's new to him.

If he doesn't learn from it and keeps doing it, then I'll be less than pleased, sure.

But having a go at him would have achieved nothing except make him feel bad, I reckon.

OP posts:
CrackerGal · 20/01/2022 15:35

Are you being sarcastic saying your delighted?
Yes its a good lesson for him.
What did he buy his friends?

Original poster
newnamenewyear · 20/01/2022 15:35

@Flocon

He's a young teenager and it's for you to support and scaffold him in learning to make good choices, not laugh at him when he fucks up I agree with this tbh. Being delighted is a bit off.
Eh? I'm not laughing at him, no way!

Delighted = pleased, no?

OP posts:
Longdistance · 20/01/2022 15:37

Lots of chores to earn money back.
Lesson learnt hopefully, that he can’t just send willy nilly on his friends.

sadpapercourtesan · 20/01/2022 15:37

It may jsut be a semantic misunderstanding, in which case I apologise, but "delighted" to me smacks of schadenfreude. I would empathise with my child's feelings in this situation, nothing about it would make me happy.

I do think a lot of "tough love" type parenting is just bloody spiteful, though.

bcc89 · 20/01/2022 15:38

You could just teach how to budget and what's good value for money and isn't, rather than letting him waste all his money as some kind of weird lesson :(