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For not wanting to work full time?
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Wazza89 · 19/01/2022 10:38

DH and I are both shockingly bad at money management.

We both work and receive UC. I work 2 hours a week cleaning and DH works full time. I get around £700 a month (UC and child benefit is paid into my bank account) and DH earns just over £1400. He pays rent (£595), BT, and TV license. I (somehow) pay water rates, food, council tax, gas & electricity - on top of personal bills.

Between the both of us, we are in so much debt! I inherited a car a few months ago and DH has a finance car on hire purchase (costs £118 a month) but he never wanted to put me on the insurance. He’s now able to return his car so I told him I would make him a registered keeper on my car and the main insurer as it would be cheaper for both of us. He agreed then changed his mind because he said he’s worked too hard for his car. He also has Adobe Photoshop on subscription, a PC on finance, and buys food at work every day. (I tried making him sandwiches but then he wanted to give up bread so I told him to sort himself out as I’m not buying gluten free bread for someone who isn’t a diagnosed celiac.) Our family had to step in and lend him cash for his MOT a few months ago. And he’s completely in his 2k overdraft.

Saying that, I’m not much better nowadays. I don’t have many friends with kids DS’s age so I take him to soft play sometimes twice a week. Obviously there’s an entry fee and I normally end up buying myself a coffee on top of that. Although I drive to my mum’s and to the supermarket, I get ridiculously anxious about driving new places (or places that are really busy) so I pay for public transport even though I have fuel in my car. I also give DH fuel money on weekends as he’s a crap passenger.

I tell myself I’m going to be more organised and bring snacks for DS when we go places, but I’m scatty and end up buying food out half the time. Our TV broke and instead of keeping a smaller screen until we were in a better financial situation, I replaced it. I also bought an air fryer with the last of my savings (which, in hindsight, I didn’t need). I dye my hair regularly and if I see an item of clothing I like, I buy it then regret it later as my wardrobe desperately needs sorting.

DH thinks I should work more hours on evenings and weekends (neither of us can afford childcare), but the thought really stresses me out (and I know that sounds pathetic). The last time I worked weekends (16 hours a week), I wasn’t significantly better off as all my debt repayments increased and I was STILL doing everything around the house. A messy house really stresses me out as I have OCD (and potentially ADHD which is why I find organisation difficult). I don’t want to work full time until DS is in reception. Also, DS is displaying ASD traits and is socially a bit delayed. I want to give him my full attention.

AIBU for not wanting to return to work?

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

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AllFriendsIn · 19/01/2022 10:43

If you want more money you’ll have to work for it. It’s what most people do.

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BriansTail · 19/01/2022 10:45

Can you not work school hours?

Honestly I think it's a luxury to only have 1 person working FT. Most people absolutely cannot afford to do this.

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Wazza89 · 19/01/2022 10:46

@BriansTail DS is only in school 2 and a half hours. I do some cleaning once a week, but don’t think anyone is going to hire me for 2 hours a day.

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AnneLovesGilbert · 19/01/2022 10:48

Stop spending so much! You’re very clear about where your going wrong so just try and stop. And we’ll stuff to clear your debts, if your wardrobe needs sorting then make that a priority and get yourself on eBay or one of the other selling sites.

Are you getting into more debt still?

You could work more hours and still be around for your son. Can you clean in the evenings or at weekends?

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Velvetorsilk · 19/01/2022 10:48

It is difficult with young children because the costs of childcare are prohibitive if you’re not on a reasonably good salary.

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TimmyNook · 19/01/2022 10:49

I've said you're being unreasonable. Purely because I've been in your shoes and it can be done. I have a 2 year age gap between my DC so childcare when they were both preschoolers was astronomical. I worked part time evenings and weekends for three years until DS2 was 3 years old to keep us afloat.

If you don't wanna work that's fine. But you can't expect the lifestyle of someone who does work if you don't. So you need to stop spending as much money on tat. Its one or the other.

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TimmyNook · 19/01/2022 10:51

I worked in a call centre for 5 hours a day in the evenings BTW. Cleaning, caring, retail and delivery work can all be done around evenings and weekends.

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Mosaic123 · 19/01/2022 10:52

You will be able to do more cleaning work. How about ironing at home?

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WhatATimeToBeAlive · 19/01/2022 10:52

Two choices - work more hours or cut your costs. You've outlined yourself where your money goes so you need to manage it better. Your income is over £2k a month net and with your relatively low rent should be very, very manageable.

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MintJulia · 19/01/2022 10:53

I used to clean in pubs, two hours Saturday morning and two hours Sunday morning. Perfect hours to add a bit of income. So what if your debt repayments go up, you will be less in debt. Your creditors will get paid sooner.

Sorry but if you ever want to be debt free and have a nice life then you need to work. Why should others keep you?

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Keke94LND · 19/01/2022 10:56

You sound really entitled op, sorry

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Nidan2Sandan · 19/01/2022 10:57

You cant have your cake and eat it too.

You'll get help with childcare from UC if you were working full time wouldnt you? Otherwise you knuckle down and work when DH is home.

Alternatively, you and DH both stop spending on rubbish and start being grown ups. Kids dont get any cheaper, childcare costs get replaced by school uniform costs, school trip costs, lunch boxes/school dinners etc etc

Have you spoken to Stepchange about your debt?

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Talipesmum · 19/01/2022 10:57

Your debts have to be cleared, so even if you were working more and it was “just” going towards your debt repayment, that’s still good. You’ll get more and more in denial if you carry on as you are. Really, stop with all the extra “scatty” spending - take a flask, take sandwiches, go to outdoor places that are free rather than soft play (I don’t know many people that would spend to go twice a week). And just wear what you have.

But your DH is also a big part of the problem. He’s spending more than he has. If you go out to work more, he will need to be doing more of the home tasks. Put it back on him a bit too.

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RedHelenB · 19/01/2022 10:57

@Wazza89

*@BriansTail* DS is only in school 2 and a half hours. I do some cleaning once a week, but don’t think anyone is going to hire me for 2 hours a day.

Try to get another couple of days cleaning for 2 hours at the very least?
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hariborabbit · 19/01/2022 10:58

I sort of agree with you because I don't work full time either and don't want to if I can possibly avoid it. Your situation is unsustainable though, you can't decide not to work but spend as if you both work full time.

You should definitely be able to pick up more cleaning hours though? Cleaners always seem to be in demand.

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pepperpie · 19/01/2022 11:01

Are you the poster who’s partner wants to be a full time Twitch streamer? This all sounds really familiar.

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Ovenaffray · 19/01/2022 11:01

Why do you spend so much? Sort that out.

And yes you could do more hours at work.

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Toanewstart22 · 19/01/2022 11:02

The decision will be taken out of your hands very soon oP

When your child hits 3 you will be expected to look for work under UC

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Wazza89 · 19/01/2022 11:03

@pepperpie yes but he’s changes his mind now

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LindaEllen · 19/01/2022 11:04

YANBU for not WANTING to work full time. Few of us do.
However YABU for not bringing in more money when you're struggling so much. This shouldn't all be on your DH.

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blahblahx · 19/01/2022 11:05

Stop spending money you clearly don't have

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Hankunamatata · 19/01/2022 11:05

Either you work more or spend less

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BlueSky8 · 19/01/2022 11:06

Your wanting the lifestyle but can't afford it.
Simple option, work more hours.
Plenty of night time jobs cleaning etc, DH watches DC.
You don't have to work in the day, weekend jobs etc theres a lot out there.

Nobody wants to work really.
I'm part time at the minute and job hunting for full time to give us more financial freedom. DS is 3.

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RedskyThisNight · 19/01/2022 11:06

YANBU not to want to work full time.

But if you don't want to you need to accept as a minimum, that you can't spend money the way you are doing.
And even then if your partner isn't prepared to shoulder the financial burden, then you can't anyway.

Surely you could work for a few more hours to earn a bit more, as a half way house?

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grapewine · 19/01/2022 11:07

Work more or spend less. I agree with PP that you sound entitled. YABU.

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