Secret Annual Leave

[Millionairesshortbreadshort]

I have leave to take before end of March.

WiBU to not tell DH and go to ‘work’ like normal but instead drive somewhere and walk? Or what would you do with secret annual leave?

Am so desperate to be on my own. I feel like I’ve had so little time away from him. I’m feeling very irritable and time on my own would be so good. Would it be terrible?

Just don’t say anything at all.
Get dressed
Take kids to school
Find a cafe
Read a book
Drink more coffee
Go to the cinema
Have lunch
Go home
Have a nap
Collect kids
Takeaway for dinner

This sounds absolutely fucking perfect and I wish I could do it but DH is now permanently WFH. I love him dearly but he is ALWAYS here and I'd just dearly like the house to myself for once.

Do it! I did this, admittedly only once and only for one day and I still look back on it. Went somewhere extreme rural, wandered around old churches, lunch in an ancient hotel and back in time for tea 😃

Tell him that this is how you’re going to take your leave, share with him why, and then you can take a random day and just not tell him until after you’ve come home that today was ‘the day’!

@Millionairesshortbreadshort

What if I did it and then fessed up?

If you were my spouse I’d find it a huge breach of trust

@QuimReaper

I think a mismatch in independence in relationships is more common than people acknowledge, and actually don't think it's a huge crime to quietly navigate it to get what you need and keep the peace. It can just be damn tiring having to deal with questions and lip wobbles, let alone attempts to hijack or derail. Try and avoid direct lies (as the coverup is always worse than the crime!), or maybe even 'forget' to mention it until you get home and then rhapsodise about your lovely spontaneous treat day. That might also lay the groundwork for him to be able to understand your desire in future. I would even be tempted to make light of it if he asks why you didn't say so that morning, along the lines of 'and be presented with a shopping list?! lord no, I didn't want to be sidetracked into doing errands on my lovely day off!' Depends on your relationship though.

This! ^ Great post!

And 'lip wobbles' ... You've met my DH haven't you?

I think it's your annual leave and if you want to take one day, that's harmless. I once took a half day and went to the theatre for the afternoon. I didn't tell anyone. It's my earned annual leave, it didn't impact on anyone and it just felt lovely and relaxed.

I voted yabu for the lying but yes y yes yes to the holiday!

Pretending to go to work is messed up and deeply dishonest. Just take your leave and go have fun and be open about it. You don’t need his permission.

Go for it OP. I would love this and sort of have a half day of this tomorrow. Child is in nursery and I happen to have a day off. We both wfh so he'll probably realise at some point that I'm not back home but he won't be too bothered. I would definitely take a full day off and not tell him though too. If he realises (even though I've told him he's clearly not been listening ) I'm off tomorrow he'll suggest I do the food shop and some other mundane shite. I can say no but then the suggestion just puts downer on my half day because the guilt (in my own head) starts.

I think a PP hit the nail on the head with the differing levels of independence. I love doing things by myself and in my own company. I enjoy a meal by myself and a potter around town. He will do specific jobs by himself but would rather be in the house if he is by himself then go anywhere. I can't imagine him ever treating himself to a nice meal alone.

I can't help but notice (on here - and in real life) that's it's pretty much always WOMEN who seem desperate to have time to themselves, and (understandably) want to keep it from their DH.

I hear loads of stories of women complaining about not getting enough time to themselves, and their DH always wanting to do everything with them/book the same time off etc, and quite often these same DH's rarely go out on their own without their wife. 'Must go together, must be together, ALL. THE. TIME.'

Such clingy men. Why?

I don't think anybody is "butthurt"

I do get time to myself away from my husband. I just don't lie about it, and neither does he. I think that's the part that people are warning against. Wanting time to yourself is healthy and normal. Lying to your husband is not.

If you are comfortable lying about it then go right ahead, but I really don't see what the big deal is with telling your husband that you're taking a day to yourself. If he gives you jobs to do then just say... No. That's it. If that presents a problem then yes, I do think that is indicative of a problem in the marriage. I'm sorry if you don't want to hear that.

80% eh? Bahamas for a week it is then

Thank you all so much for your thoughts. I will keep considering whether secrecy is ok here - but so nice to have encouragement and permission.

I caught him out in a fib recently. It was about spending money. I didn’t mind. Didn’t bother me. Thinking about it, I don’t think he’d be that bothered if I get caught out. I’d just explain and he’d be ok with it I think. He knows how much I crave alone time and he’s at home sooo much it’s hard to get it. I think he would understand.

The idea of no one knowing where I am or what I’m doing, having no one to answer to and just pleasing myself for a bit appeals so much.

@Millionairesshortbreadshort

I have leave to take before end of March.

WiBU to not tell DH and go to ‘work’ like normal but instead drive somewhere and walk? Or what would you do with secret annual leave?

Am so desperate to be on my own. I feel like I’ve had so little time away from him. I’m feeling very irritable and time on my own would be so good. Would it be terrible?

On the basis that it would be that or a new patio....yeah its fine.

@padsi1975

I think it's your annual leave and if you want to take one day, that's harmless. I once took a half day and went to the theatre for the afternoon. I didn't tell anyone. It's my earned annual leave, it didn't impact on anyone and it just felt lovely and relaxed.

May I direct you to @QuimReaper'spost that I quoted up there. (at 22.56.) It's not as easy as it sounds to just tell them.....Soooo^ many questions, whining that they're 'left out and all alone,' and a list of errands to run/things to get from the shops, and multiple texts and whatsapp messages ......... 'where are you?' 'What time will you be home?' 'Can you talk?' 'Where is the 2 pack of kitchen rolls we bought last week?' 'what's for tea?' 'Can you get me some of those chocolate flavour snak a jaks? If Sainsburys don't have them, Tesco will, or the big Asda 3 miles from those two shops. Or if not, the little M & S on the motorway services has them... Just pop around the shops and get me some... Ta ...'

And you wonder why we lie?! We wouldn't get any peace, THAT'S why!

Hello maybe he's married to both of us, but we're both so independent that we've never noticed

@Millionairesshortbreadshort GO FOR IT. Ignore the smug twats who assume you have 'problems in your marriage' if you keep the odd secret. They know fuck-all about you, so are chatting shit anyway.

Enjoy your time off.

I have 16 days to take by the end of June. I have booked May half term and a couple of days to take the kids to karate competitions. Still have 10 days to book and between SATS, A levels, dancing show and karate I can’t get away

@HelloFrostyMorning the 'when will you be home' thing! My (our? ) husband even asks me that before I leave to go out. I always ask him when's the last time he went to the pub with his friends and pre-agreed a 'home time'...

@QuimReaper

Hello maybe he's married to both of us, but we're both so independent that we've never noticed

LOL probably!

And is keeping the odd secret from your DH any worse than always having to tell him EVERYTHING? I would hate to be in a relationship that is so controlling and suffocating that I have to tell my DH everything. Everywhere I go, everyone I meet, everything I buy, everything I do. Fuck that. This ain't the 1950s!

He doesn't need to know everything, and it's a bit odd that a few posters think a couple should share every last damn thing, and not have some privacy. Sounds like the marriage may be in trouble to me, and I am sorry if certain posters don't want to hear that.

[quote QuimReaper]@HelloFrostyMorning the 'when will you be home' thing! My (our? ) husband even asks me that before I leave to go out. I always ask him when's the last time he went to the pub with his friends and pre-agreed a 'home time'...[/quote]
Yep, defo the same man!

And on that note, I have to go dammit! I am so tired. Very little sleep last night, up at 6am, and I have to get up at 6.30 am tomorrow.

Night all.

Sounds like the marriage may be in trouble to me, and I am sorry if certain posters don't want to hear that

I also face the inverse problem of being earnestly plied with such pointless minutiae, which I really cannot pretend to care about... at least he's consistent I suppose!

Night Hello, and say g'night to MrQuimFrost if it's your turn with him

Dh has lots of leave to use by March so he’s taking random days to do stuff he wants. I have 4 days in May on a holiday with friends. I feel a bit guilty as dc are 10-14 but dh thinks it’s good for them to see us being adults away from “just” being parents, and I agree. I wouldn’t be secretive though.

I don't understand why you have to share with him about taking one day off. I don't see that as deceitful at all, it's your leave and you should be able to take it without telling. But then again, I did this before because I knew if I had told my OH at the time, he'd ask me a million questions about what I have planned, and he would have called me a million times to chat which would defeat the purpose of the day off. And worse yet he probably would've take the day off too which would've made me reverse my leave and go to work - I'm a serious introvert and I need days to myself, not being obligated to anyone.

Why don’t you tell him that you really fancy a day off work for some quiet alone time shopping/strolling/lunching and that you’re going to do it at some point in the next couple of months? You could say that for you to feel fully relaxed and rejuvenated you don’t want to say exactly when you’re doing it.