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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Secret Annual Leave

273 replies

Millionairesshortbreadshort · 18/01/2022 19:24

I have leave to take before end of March.

WiBU to not tell DH and go to ‘work’ like normal but instead drive somewhere and walk? Or what would you do with secret annual leave?

Am so desperate to be on my own. I feel like I’ve had so little time away from him. I’m feeling very irritable and time on my own would be so good. Would it be terrible?

OP posts:
BootySOS · 18/01/2022 21:28

Sounds like a great idea

NinaDefoe · 18/01/2022 21:29

@DottyDisney

I've done this before too, OP. It was brilliant Smile I checked myself into a Premier Inn. Left for work for 7am as normal then went to the hotel. Had a nap, got up, had a long bath. Went out to do some window shopping and for a little walk around. Grabbed something for lunch then went back to the hotel room again to watch a movie and read some of my book. Then back home for my usual time of 7pm. Grin

I felt so "free". My time was my own and the only person I had to think about was myself. I still smile when I think about it. Go for it!

Hmm. Check in is at 4pm at a lot of premier inns atm. Deep cleaning the rooms apparently. Even in normal times it’s 1 or 2pm.

To go from 7am to 7pm you would need to pay for 2 nights. The night before you arrive and the night after you leave.

I think some (of the more seedier) hotels do ‘day rates’ for couples wanting an ‘afternoon nap’ 🤮

Original poster
Millionairesshortbreadshort · 18/01/2022 21:29

Thanks HelloFrosty Smile

Curious about your DH was doing! Grin

OP posts:
MintyGreenDream · 18/01/2022 21:31

Yanbu.Im in a very fortunate position in that I get 4 hours of alone time every day.Ive always liked my own company and the time is very precious to me.

Croissantly · 18/01/2022 21:31

It's really odd that you can't just say oh I'm off x date and doing y Confused

ADialgaAteMyDog · 18/01/2022 21:32

My DP gets a Friday off each month for covid mental health reasons. He just doesn't tell me when. So on a Thursday evening he'll be like, ooh, it's my day off tomo, can't wait to go on a massive bike ride. He gives zero fucks about me being put out so I just ignore it. What I'm saying is, be more dad. Find that thread and get some inspo! Or if you do tell him and tries to give you tasks just say, that won't be happening, a la my DP.

AChocolateCoin · 18/01/2022 21:34

I am a SAHM with much older children and am very conscious that if Dh has days off that it isn't filled with little jobs that only he can do or stuff we can do together.

I completely understand why you would not wish to have tasks put on your plate.

stayathomer · 18/01/2022 21:35

If there is honestly nothing sinister then yes, I totally get it. My 'wohoo I'm so excited to have a day off' turned into 'would you mind posting X to my brother, can you pick up X, y and z' and a few other errands, then him saying 'you didn't get much time to yourself did you, mad how everythingtakes up so much time!!''. Neither of us has time to get these things done but after a day like that a secret day does sound love!!!!

steelrose · 18/01/2022 21:35

Book a couple of half days? Work the morning, have an off-site meeting/training in the afternoon?

SkyDragon · 18/01/2022 21:37

OP you should 100% do this if you would like to.

There is NOTHING wrong with having a few secrets. There's no reason for it to be hurtful to anyone. I think sometimes extrovert people struggle to understand what joy introverts take in a bit of alone time without having to explain ourselves to anyone or tell them about what happened on our day out. If you're an introvert it's good for your mental health to have a little secret escape like this.

Clingy people won't understand, hence making a fuss about 'honesty' Hmm

If I were in your position I would be having a lovely day at a spa 😁

MadisonAvenue · 18/01/2022 21:38

I actually know someone who took a couple of secret days off but was found out when he was involved in a cycling accident. He had to confess to his wife from hospital as to why he was riding mountain bike trails 50 miles from home when he’d left for work as normal that morning. It didn’t go down well at all.

GayParis · 18/01/2022 21:40

I say do it!

There's nothing worse than a day off becoming a list of tasks that need doing.

I'm very extroverted so spend any time off with DH but can fully understand needing that time by yourself to recharge so I say do it. You're not taking time off to have an affair, it's to get a break. You aren't hurting anyone - do it!!

MorganKitten · 18/01/2022 21:41

If a guy did this the first thing said was he was cheating or being lazy.

SarahBellam · 18/01/2022 21:42

I’d totally do it. The reason I wouldn’t tell my DP is that he’d probably want to come too, or I’d get asked to do a ‘little’ job such as ‘if you’re heading to the beach can you pick up some sandpaper on your way past B&Q’, or something of nothing. He would have absolutely no problem with me taking the day off, but something would get in the way or I’d have to do a small job. By keeping it secret you are gathering all the time for yourself. No expectations, no cooking or cleaning, no popping to B&Q or anything like that. I’d go on a nice drive to the beach for a walk, stop and have a lovely lunch in a nice restaurant or gastropub, lie on the beach or sit in my car and read a book, maybe have a nap. Have some rhubarb and custard sweets or Werthers Originals to eat while reading, before moseying on home. I really want to do this now. It would be epic!

Sideswiped · 18/01/2022 21:44

@Millionairesshortbreadshort, for me, it comes down to the fact that you don't have a clue what he does with his day.
Do you feel that he would have expectations that you would do something other than relax and enjoy a day off?
If you do, YANBU.
If not, then just tell him you're having a day off. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Bluebluemoon39 · 18/01/2022 21:47

The only thing I'd be worried about is my dh ringing my workplace - is that likely to happen?

Personally I'd do it without a second thought.

I once told dh I was going on a girls night out and staying at my friends house but in fact I booked into a hotel overnight and vegged out watching tv and reading.
I was going through a hard time and just needed some breathing space, away from everyone and everything.

The next day I felt much better and went home! And I don't feel guilty about it or anything daft like that, it was nothing.

JedEye · 18/01/2022 21:47

It’s only one day. Honestly he won’t even notice. It’ll be over in a flash.

There is something freeing about being off the grid for a few hours. You are a free person, don’t feel you have to run it past him. You absolutely should enjoy your secret day off. He’s not going to kick off if he finds out is he?

HelloFrostyMorning · 18/01/2022 21:49

@SkyDragon

OP you should 100% do this if you would like to.

There is NOTHING wrong with having a few secrets. There's no reason for it to be hurtful to anyone. I think sometimes extrovert people struggle to understand what joy introverts take in a bit of alone time without having to explain ourselves to anyone or tell them about what happened on our day out. If you're an introvert it's good for your mental health to have a little secret escape like this.

Clingy people won't understand, hence making a fuss about 'honesty' Hmm

If I were in your position I would be having a lovely day at a spa 😁

100% this. ^
Ohyesiam · 18/01/2022 21:50

@Millionairesshortbreadshort

SickofCovid

Yes. I would get asked to do the school run and shop etc. any domestic tasks he does when I’m at work basically.

You are allowed to say no you know. I have been really practicing asking for what I want this last year out two, it’s very liberating😁. I think I was brought up to think having needs was a definite no no, but it’s not true. I feel like I’m showing my husband who I am more now, and our relationship is better for it.
CeilingWax · 18/01/2022 21:51

@MrsTerryPratchett

You want secrecy to replace boundaries.

If he can be 'off' with no chores and tasks, so can you. If he gives you a job, just say no, if that's how his time works.

I get the impression he sees you as the house elf but so do you.

Yes I agree. You need a conversation
justasking111 · 18/01/2022 21:52

OH doing his hobby all day tomorrow I'm cross because I have a hospital appointment there's my free day gone.

I know what you're saying @Millionairesshortbreadshort I feel suffocated sometimes whereas OH comes and goes at will

DirtyDancing · 18/01/2022 21:54

Do it. You know deep inside, for whatever reason, you need this day. You don't need strangers to condone it. It's not like you are planning a mass murder. It's a day to yourself, it's an exciting little, non harmful mini secret.

Mum2jenny · 18/01/2022 21:54

Just book a spa day.

You do not need to tell him, but don’t lie.

He is unlikely to ever know

HNY2022mam · 18/01/2022 21:55

I took a day off last year and didn’t tell my OH - I WFH and he leaves before I get up, when he came home and I mentioned I had the day off he was very annoyed with me, I still don’t really get why, I just wanted some time to myself. Does he care about doing any housework or anything when he’s off - nope - but for some reason I do.

HandlebarLadyTash · 18/01/2022 21:57

You have permission 😀 Book the day off. Go out and have a day out.

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