Secret Annual Leave

[Millionairesshortbreadshort]

I have leave to take before end of March.

WiBU to not tell DH and go to ‘work’ like normal but instead drive somewhere and walk? Or what would you do with secret annual leave?

Am so desperate to be on my own. I feel like I’ve had so little time away from him. I’m feeling very irritable and time on my own would be so good. Would it be terrible?

I don't know if you have dc but regardless I would just do it. I have an adult family and dh but find that when they know I'm off they would ask me for favours, like, ah great, would you go pick up the package in the post office please? Seeing as your off today, could you walk the dogs? Can I that the car to work seeing as you won't be driving to work...... the list is endless so I totally understand and think YADNBU.

Weird you’d keep it secret? Me and my dh both take leave to do things we want whilst the other works

I think that would be wrong, if you can't tell him you are taking time to yourself you have bigger problems. If he is unreasonable and ever found out you would be I a world of pain.

Ok. Seems like keeping it a secret is unreasonable. Darn it. I don’t know why but it feels somehow different. I think if I say I have leave then I’ll feel like I need to think together about what I do. I like the idea of feeling free for a short time.

Child care is fine as I often stay away for work so it would be no different.

I would be a bit put out if he hid it from me but then he often takes time to himself as he is self employed and so when I’m at work I have no idea what he does. Often he sees friends or goes off to do his hobby. In school hours he gets to just be him and do what he wants. I tend to use time to do tasks that benefit us all.

I think if I was supposed to be at work according to everyone else (except work of course) and I went off as if I was going to work it would feel like extra time. A gift of time. If that makes sense? It would feel special. I like the idea of no one knowing where I am. I think it’s the not being responsible for a bit. I’d be at end of a phone for emergencies. I work away so no different really.

I’d better not though I suppose if it could be upsetting.

I sometimes take a secret day off where the only person I tell is DH, but he has no issue with me just having a day to myself. If I told anyone else they’d be popping over or wanting to go somewhere and there are times where I just need to be alone, and DH gets that. Is there a reason why you can’t be up front with your DH?

I mean, you could but then you can't raise it if he does the same and you find out. Why the secrecy? Just tell him. If that's a problem, then you ha bigger issues.

SickofCovid

Yes. I would get asked to do the school run and shop etc. any domestic tasks he does when I’m at work basically.

I know what you mean OP and I’ve done this myself before. Taken the day off work and not told a single soul. Why. Because when you aren’t at work people EXPECT things of you. Things that you wouldn’t ordinarily do if you were in fact at work.
I also think it feels different. I feel left alone if people assume I’m at work. Otherwise I’d get text messages asking what I’m up to or “ could you just do X today”

Tell him our on AL but want a day to yourself?

Tell him you have lots of appointments at awkward times lol.

Oooh smear test at 8:50 can’t take the kids. Dentist at 3. It’s the only time they could do!

Hmmmm, tricky.

If he's going to give you jobs to do, I can see why you want to keep it a secret. But can't you explain to him what you need.

If you keep it secret it could lead to all sorts of issues. Imagine he rang work or something and found out you were off. He might think you were having an affair or something.

I'd be really hurt if DH lied to me about time off. Equally, I'd be quite happy for him to day off and do whatever he likes. And he'd be happy for me to do the same
.
Can you have an honest conversation where you say you just want a day all to yourself with no jobs and that it's important to your mental health?

There must be a reason why OP feels unable to tell her DH. Is he usually not very understanding, OP?

Not sure I get it. I have for the entire decade nearly of our relationship regularly taken 2 days off each autumn to go to a spa by myself. Continued even when DS arrived and would have continued with DD arrival too except pandemic also arrived! Starting again this year!

Why does it need to be a secret

OnceUponAThread

I could do that. He’d be fine with it. He’d ask lots of questions though and probably ask me to do some random task. Mostly I would feel responsible and like I SHOULD be doing something else.

@Fluffypinkt

I know what you mean OP and I’ve done this myself before. Taken the day off work and not told a single soul. Why. Because when you aren’t at work people EXPECT things of you. Things that you wouldn’t ordinarily do if you were in fact at work. I also think it feels different. I feel left alone if people assume I’m at work. Otherwise I’d get text messages asking what I’m up to or “ could you just do X today”

But you see, I’d just use my words to tell my husband I wanted a day to myself so I wouldn’t be free to run errands. I don’t see why it has to be a secret drama.

@Millionairesshortbreadshort

OnceUponAThread

I could do that. He’d be fine with it. He’d ask lots of questions though and probably ask me to do some random task. Mostly I would feel responsible and like I SHOULD be doing something else.

So you telling you are not doing random tasks because you are having a day off. Would that be a problem?

Very clear secrecy isn’t the right thing. I knew really. Secrets are never good. I think I was hoping for permission!

Absolutely do it

@HeadNorth why is it a drama, if anything it’s the opposite. As no one knows about it?!

Why should she tell her DH? What harm is it actually going to do? Good grief. She’s taking a bloody holiday day to spend sometime for herself it’s not like she’s committed a sin.

Going against the grain here, but if you're regularly away for work, tell him that's what's happening and book a few days in hotel for a break.

I know people will probably flame me, but I've had to do similar myself. Needs must and it's for the good of your mental health.

Don't keep it a secret- I did this many decades ago whilst having an illicit affair!

Do make plans to be out of town and totally unavailable though. You sound as if you deserve the break.

@Millionairesshortbreadshort

OnceUponAThread

I could do that. He’d be fine with it. He’d ask lots of questions though and probably ask me to do some random task. Mostly I would feel responsible and like I SHOULD be doing something else.

I do think if you explain to him that you need a day all to yourself with no jobs, and his response is to ask you to do a random job - he's not listening and that's a problem.

Could you go away for the day? Book into a hotel and maybe have a spa treatment.

And tell him.

DH: am mentally exhausted. Could really do with a proper day off and break. No jobs. No thinking. Utter bliss. I'm planning to take of DAY, and I think I'm going to book into X hotel and have a swim and a facial.

Happy to hold the fort while you do similar on another day.

I think if this thread was framed as DH has booked a day off on Friday and has nothing planned but wont even do the school run for me, people would think DH was being unreasonable and say he had plenty of free time after dropping the kids off.

I get what you mean, but equally if I was having a day like that, I would want a lie in rather than to leave the hours the time I would normally leave for work.