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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be so p***ed that my MIL held DD and DS's pressies hostage until Boxing Day??!!!

104 replies

louloulouise · 27/12/2007 06:04

Am f*cking fuming at the woman. We go round theirs after christmas lunch at my parents as we normally do, only to be met with 'you don't mind if I give them their pressies tomorrow do you? M, (DD/DS's cousin) will only be comng tomorrow and as you're visiting then too I don't want DD/DS to feel left out whilst he is opening his'

I mean WTF!! It's bad enough she keeps her presents for Christmas afternoon (instead of giving them in advance and letting Father Christmas bring them for the morning) but now the kids can't have them til Boxing day?!!!

Her reasoning was that as DC's cousin will be coming BD and we will also be visiting, she didn't want DD (DS not relevant as only 4 months) to feel left out when he was opening his. She's 4 FFS and rarely gets jealous, she's quite reasonable once she knows what will be happening.

When DH arrived in after this had been said and MIL repeated to him, he insisted we all have our pressies xmas day as normal, and made a bit of a joke out of it saying 'aww want to open my pressie today not tomorrow' etc etc, so MIL comes out with 'well DD's isn't wrapped anyway so she'll have to wait until tomorrow' (doubt very much it wasn't wrapped, she just wanted to get her own way, selfish attention seeking little mare she is).

What's more Boxing Day rolls around and DH picks up his bro, GF and their DS and drops them off at MILs (car out of comission atm), comes back to get us - by the time we got there he had opened everything - we don't even know what he got! That's hardly going to make DD jealous is it??!!

DH and I have had a bit of a to do about it, he agrees with me but doesn't feel as strongly about it (it's his mum after all and I think he feels annoyed but won't let on just how much). He won't mention anything this year but we've decided to be insistent that next year all pressies need to be passed around before the day so they can be there in the morning. I mean, everyone else can manage it (including my parents) so why can't she?!

For the record, if she were a normal MIL, and this was a one off, I wouldn't be so pissed, but she is a very controlling, attention seeking/loving person (and very insecure I've found). She likes to control every situation and everyone (she's always trying to discipline my daughter in my presence), this is the woman who hides the remote control and you have to ask permission to change the channel (and if it's not something she wants to watch, forget it!) and speaks to her husband like he's a piece of crap.

Gaaaahh!! I never thought I'd have any family trouble over christmas and this has turned into a huuuuuge rant!! Scream

OP posts:
FrostyTheSnowman · 27/12/2007 18:11

Lordy, I am on the wine-should say bag.

HC
x

BrieVinDeAlkaSeltzer · 27/12/2007 18:14

islandofsodor

In that case you would get nowt from me, my flabber has never been so gasted at out and out crass greed.

Surfermum · 27/12/2007 18:19

DD and dsd had their presents from PILs today. They will get their presents from dd's godparents when we see them next.

I wouldn't be annoyed at them not getting gifts from people on Christmas morning, and am at "insisting" on having presents at a certain time. Surely it's down to the person giving the gift?

3madboys · 27/12/2007 18:22

god i am torn with this, i am the same i find it annoying that the kids dont get their gifts on xmas day, esp as my ds2 is sooooo into the whole father xmas thing and was hugely excited about his presents being delivered on xmas eve. (he thinks that gma, aunts etc send money to santa who then brings him what they have said to get iyswim)

and he struggled to understand that some of his presents wouldnt be there in the morning and he will have to wait, in this case my boys have to wait until the END OF JAN, to get their xmas presents from sil, and also ds3 wont get his bday presents (his bday was dec 23rd) until then either

this is because my sil 'wants to see the boys open their gifts' load of crap she doesnt want to see them happy at the gifts but to be their to get all the praise and cuddles etc.

this is the first year since we had ds1 (8) that we havent spent xmas with my mil and sil, and my sil is basically pissed off about that and this is her way of getting back at me

my parents have never been able to be with the boys on xmas day and always sent presents in advance, tho this year they visited on boxing day and so brought presents then i think anything within a few days of xmas is fine, but the end of jan seems to be taking the piss slightly?

also my parents bought castles and a play cooker, all huge in big boxes and we said father xmas didnt have enough space on his sleigh, which ds2 was ok with

so i would say you are being a bit unreasonable but i can see your pov

and i have ended up ranting myself now

FrannyandZooey · 27/12/2007 18:24

"dh and I go as far as to say that if we don't have the presents in advance, we don't want them at all."

wtf? what is wrong with you? that is the most extraordinary thing I have heard for a while

nooka · 27/12/2007 18:24

louloulouise do your children not say thank you to your ILs? I cannot understand how the pretense of Father Christmas can come over the feelings of family. If my family insisted that they opened presents when I wasn't there I would seriously think twice about giving them anything. The joy of Christmas is surely watching other people open the presents you choose for them, not the getting of everything just the way you want it?

FrannyandZooey · 27/12/2007 18:25

was there not the same thread as this yesterday? I am sure I already posted on it

Nightynight · 27/12/2007 18:26

yanbu in the circs - she does sound like a bit of a control freak.
My mother is similar, if you dont watch her all the time, you find that you have been manouevred into following some little plan of hers. And then you have to decide, does it really matter, or shall I "be adult" and go along with her yet again? And then she happily says that you are weak and have no common sense, ie need her to boss you around.

wheresthehamster · 27/12/2007 18:34

To the MNers who make out Santa brings everything what do your children think when you exchange gifts with other adults? Or are your adult gifts also under the tree from Santa as well? As we can see from this thread it really seems to restrict the whole concept of freely giving and receiving and turns it into a farce.

hatrick · 27/12/2007 18:42

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Surfermum · 27/12/2007 18:47

I don't understand this thing about all the presents coming from FC. In our house he fills the stockings. Everything else is from whoever buys it.

Ozymandius · 27/12/2007 18:50

"held them hostage"? How melodramatic!
She quite rightly and reasonably wanted to watch HER grandchildren open HER presents while she watched!
I really, really don't get this 'all presents are from Santa' routine. Why can't they have presents given with love by other family members?
YABTU

POOKAingwenceslaslookedout · 27/12/2007 18:54

I so don't agree with the idea that FC gives ALL presents. Because it makes silly things like this an issue. And this is a silly thing to be aggro about.
I think uncles, aunts, grandparents and so on should get the credit for their present and the pleasure, if they feel it's important to them, of seeing the present opened.
In our house FC gives the stocking and maybe ONE of the presents under the tree. The rest are given by us/family and so on. I explained to dd that FC gives small stocking presents and possibly one thing on the christmas wish. But that at Christmas everyone else likes to get involved, giving people they love (or MILs) presents because it's christmas.

LOONEYplayingachristmasTUNEy · 27/12/2007 19:25

OMFG I'm sooo at this insisting presents are given in advance so that people can say they are all from Father Christmas and especially at the comment about not having any at all if not before Christmas morning. That seems terribly rude to me!

My ds (4) believes Father Christmas brings presents for good boys and girls and that others buy presents for each other as part Christmas. God, if he thought everything for everyone was from FC then I'd never be able to buy ANYONE'S presents whilst he was with me which would be even more of a nightmare!!!

My parents usually send me money to buy what I think ds would like and then wrap it for him to have Christmas Day (if we're not seeing them at all over Christmas as live away). This year we organised at last minute a family get together tomorrow for a few days and my parents asked if we'd mind bringing the presents with us so they can see him open them. Of course we don't mind. Ds will be getting extra presents so he'll be chuffed as he thought it was all over but most importantly, I'd never tell them what to do with the presents they paid for!!!

As for OP's MIL, she does sound like a nightmare (especially as cousin did open before they got there) so I sympathise about that but I really don't agree with making people give presents in advance.

FrannyandZooey · 27/12/2007 21:09

THERE WAS THE SAME THREAD YESTERDAY

what happened to it? did it all go berserk overnight? and why has it been reinstated?

islandofsodor · 28/12/2007 00:23

Christmas Day is Christmas Day, not Boxing Day. The clue is in the title as my dd would say. A 3 year old and a 6 year olds faces onm Christmas morning when they see that Santa has been over-rides anything that relatives think.

If relatives don't like it, then they don't have to buy anything, they get far too much tat anyway.

They are MY children (and DH's) and we will do Christmas with them how WE want to.

So no I am not rude (I don't resort to swearing).

So the OP is not being unreasonable to want Christmas morning to be the time when her children open their presents. It is a time for children, not adults. As far as I am concerned adults can get stuffed as long as the children have a magical day.

islandofsodor · 28/12/2007 00:27

In reply to another post, yes, our adult gifts also appear on Christmas morning delivered by Santa.

I remember as a child after opening my own presents being just as excited to watch what my parents had been given.

hatrick · 28/12/2007 01:03

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Saturn74 · 28/12/2007 01:17

we have a mindblowingly radical, modern and out there approach.

the gifts that relatives and friends give before christmas, and that the children are aware of, are left wrapped and put under the christmas tree.

then FC brings the gifts from us, plus those that have been hidden away from others.

any that arrive after christmas are just as gratefully received.

if anyone particularly wanted my DCs to open their gift in advance, that would be fine. most of the fun for buying for a child is the thrill of seeing them open it.

none of this alters their belief in any of the christmas traditions we celebrate.

i am not a control freak about christmas, or about anything to do with my children.

my dh and i don't own them.

they are part of a wider family, a wider community.

i would be very upset if they grew up thinking that christmas had to be micromanaged.

or that presents were the only important aspect of it.

Saturn74 · 28/12/2007 01:19

And FC gives them one small present each, but also delivers the presents from other people.

so the DCs know who sent them which present.

because it would be impolite not to thank people for the presents they sent.

hatrick · 28/12/2007 01:22

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Message withdrawn

Saturn74 · 28/12/2007 01:25

"It is a time for children, not adults. As far as I am concerned adults can get stuffed as long as the children have a magical day".

My parents want their children to have a magical day too - even though we are all grown up.

And the thought of telling any of my family to do everything my way, or get stuffed, is really very sad.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 28/12/2007 01:35

Sorry ...... who was the control freak here again?

Seriously - OP - YABU.

I wouldnt have the cheek to dictate when and how my DC's got their presents from family. Purely because I dont expect that people buy my children presents. That they do is an honour for which I am very grateful.

I have to say though - my DB and his GF once insisted on waiting to give my DD a birthday present (even though they could have left it at my parents - where he was living at the time - for her to open when she was there the day before). It narked me a bit - because the reason he wasnt there was because he'd buggered off to the races for the day so if it was so important yadaydayda.....dykwim? Anyway, that wasnt the real problem for me. What really pissed me off was that they kept DD waiting for so long for her present, and then, whilst I had popped into the kitchen literally for 30 seconds to get something - they gave it to her to open and I missed the BIG opening of the super special magic fantastic present that they HAD to see her open. Was SO pissed off. She had to wait a day, and yet they couldnt wait 30 seconds for me to be in the room too.

I got over it though, because you know, it means fuck all really.

BaubleMonkey · 28/12/2007 01:39

I do think you're being unreasonable.

My DS has had the presnts that FC brought him on Christmas morning (from me and his dad obviously), and today he got a selection box from my mum (plus money that he isn't aware of to buy him something in the sales) and a transformer from my aunt. He's getting his presents from his dad's side of the family tomorrow when we visit them.

Am I wrong to think that you just don't like this woman anyway?

seeker · 28/12/2007 05:51

One of the exciting things my chldren do before Christmas is to go shopping to buy presents for each other and for dp and me. The LOVE buying them, wrapping them, putting them under the tree and then waiting to watch us open them. DD will never forget the first Christmas when she was 10 that she went shopping on her own with money that she had saved up to buy presents for her brother and us. She was so excited and loved the fact that no one knew what they were except her. I think it's so sad to deny chidren the opportunity to do this, and also to thank people for presents. My children's grandfather, now sadly dead, used to specialize in giving the children thinks we slightly disapproved of - stuff that had been hyped on the tv, that sort of thing. A big part of my dd's happy memory of him is tied up in the Barbie horse drawn carrieage he gave her for her 5th Christmas which she didn't think she was going to get. There is all sorts of magic created by all sorts of people!