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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be so p***ed that my MIL held DD and DS's pressies hostage until Boxing Day??!!!

104 replies

louloulouise · 27/12/2007 06:04

Am f*cking fuming at the woman. We go round theirs after christmas lunch at my parents as we normally do, only to be met with 'you don't mind if I give them their pressies tomorrow do you? M, (DD/DS's cousin) will only be comng tomorrow and as you're visiting then too I don't want DD/DS to feel left out whilst he is opening his'

I mean WTF!! It's bad enough she keeps her presents for Christmas afternoon (instead of giving them in advance and letting Father Christmas bring them for the morning) but now the kids can't have them til Boxing day?!!!

Her reasoning was that as DC's cousin will be coming BD and we will also be visiting, she didn't want DD (DS not relevant as only 4 months) to feel left out when he was opening his. She's 4 FFS and rarely gets jealous, she's quite reasonable once she knows what will be happening.

When DH arrived in after this had been said and MIL repeated to him, he insisted we all have our pressies xmas day as normal, and made a bit of a joke out of it saying 'aww want to open my pressie today not tomorrow' etc etc, so MIL comes out with 'well DD's isn't wrapped anyway so she'll have to wait until tomorrow' (doubt very much it wasn't wrapped, she just wanted to get her own way, selfish attention seeking little mare she is).

What's more Boxing Day rolls around and DH picks up his bro, GF and their DS and drops them off at MILs (car out of comission atm), comes back to get us - by the time we got there he had opened everything - we don't even know what he got! That's hardly going to make DD jealous is it??!!

DH and I have had a bit of a to do about it, he agrees with me but doesn't feel as strongly about it (it's his mum after all and I think he feels annoyed but won't let on just how much). He won't mention anything this year but we've decided to be insistent that next year all pressies need to be passed around before the day so they can be there in the morning. I mean, everyone else can manage it (including my parents) so why can't she?!

For the record, if she were a normal MIL, and this was a one off, I wouldn't be so pissed, but she is a very controlling, attention seeking/loving person (and very insecure I've found). She likes to control every situation and everyone (she's always trying to discipline my daughter in my presence), this is the woman who hides the remote control and you have to ask permission to change the channel (and if it's not something she wants to watch, forget it!) and speaks to her husband like he's a piece of crap.

Gaaaahh!! I never thought I'd have any family trouble over christmas and this has turned into a huuuuuge rant!! Scream

OP posts:

FrannyandZooey · 28/12/2007 07:29

LOL sodor - there are other ways of being rude other than "resorting to swearing"

"As far as I am concerned adults can get stuffed as long as the children have a magical day."

Yep, that's one of them right there.

newnamefornewyearbookwormmum · 28/12/2007 08:06

I think you're being a bit unreasonable dictating when presents must be delivered. Your MIL has her way of doing things and you have yours. Is it not possible to reach a compromise over this? - after all, you are both on the same side. Personally I think children like getting more surprises as time goes by rather than 400 things on CD and nowt at all the next day. Talk about a big come-down .

I can see why you're annoyed at the little boy getting his gifts before your dcs in the end but maybe he couldn't wait to receive his gifts either?

Ozymandius · 28/12/2007 08:51

"They can get stuffed"

Aaah, the true meaning of Christmas, eh? And a lovely example for the children....

cornsilk · 28/12/2007 09:04

Can't believe people complain about relatives buying their chn presents because it doesn't fit into their specific terms and conditions. (Were you a pfb by any chance...?)

revgreen · 28/12/2007 09:15

What is the point in buying presents and then giving them to Father Christmas to deliver? He is a gift giver, not a glorified postman, and he has enough presents to deliver without doing family ones too.

Your MIL doesn't have to buy a present for your dd, she chooses too and you have no right to dictate when it is delivered. If your dd is as ungracious as you about recieving gifts then I suspect that she won't get them for much longer, thus solving the problem.

If she wants to give all her dgc presents at the same time then why do you have such a problem with it? My dcs would enjoy opening presents with their cousins.

Why do you think that you can go into someone else's home and change the channel on their tv? I suspect the remote only gets hidden when you visit. You could try getting a video or dvd recorder to record anything that you want to see when you are visiting.

If you don't get on then why are you spending Christmas Day and Boxing Day with her? Maybe next year you could be a bit more self reliant instead of expecting someone else to host you 2 days in a row and then slag them off because they don't pander to your every whim.

stripeymama · 28/12/2007 09:16

If my dd grows up to be as demanding and ungrateful as some posers on here I'll be ashamed of myself and her.

stripeymama · 28/12/2007 09:17

posters even...

AbbeyA · 28/12/2007 09:28

I think your views are coloured by the fact that you don't like the woman! You have to remember that you may well be a MiL one day. It is perfectly reasonable that she should want to see her grandchildren open the presents that she has given them, especially as she was seeing them on Boxing Day and by the sound of it they had plenty on the actual day. I have never heard of FC bringing all the presents-how do the children get to thank the right people? When I was a child and in my house he fills a stocking and brings a main present. All the rest go under the tree, the children know who they are from and can write thank you letters, if the person is not there to see them open them and thank at the time.
I am so glad that you are not in my family IslandofSodor-you wouldn't get a present from me!!

cockles · 28/12/2007 09:32

You're being bonkers, rude and graceless. How are your children going to learn to be grateful and happy and say Thank You for presents if they don't know any real person gave them to them? Santa brings a little stocking, you & friends and family bring the rest. (Anyway if santa has to bring the lot, how do you explain to them them buying presents for others? Or do you just exclude them?) Giving presents is part of relationships with family & friends - it's an important social encounter. Give the kids a chance to participate in it properly.

Chardonnay1966 · 28/12/2007 09:40

Oh dear. Isn't it funny what some people get irate about? Have a swift g&t loulou and be thankful u have so little to worry about!

edam · 28/12/2007 09:40

Golly. Don't see the problem, personally. As a child presents from family were always given on the day we went to see that relative. So they could see us opening the present and we could say 'thank you'.

It was FAB. Meant Christmas went on for days. FC presents on the 25th, family presents on Boxing Day, the 27th, 28th and 29th - wonderful!

Those of you who insist all presents go under the tree to be opened on Christmas Day - I think this is more about you than the kids. THEY would be perfectly happy, and probably prefer it, if Christmas was extended.

smartiejake · 28/12/2007 09:48

YABU definitely.
My family always open pressies in front of the giver.
Even if that means waiting till a family get together at new year.
It's the best bit of christmas.
Family pressies don't come from Santa. It is important for kids to say thankyou to someone IMO.

Freckle · 28/12/2007 09:52

Actually I insist that as many presents as possible are opened in front of the giver, whenever that may be, as the child can then thank the giver directly and it's one less letter to write later .

Ozymandius · 28/12/2007 10:00

Good point Edam. This isn't really about it being 'magical' for the children, it's about wanting to control everybody else to fit YOUR template of a 'perfect' Christmas, even if that upsets other people or excludes them.
Of course it is nicer for children, especially young children to have their presents spread over several days. It is overwhelming to have too much. All my children have loved having presents to open on different days, and knowing who gave them their presents. Christmas is more than Christmas Day anyway. There are 12 days you know.

hatrick · 28/12/2007 10:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

kinkiclaus · 28/12/2007 10:55

So for the people who really can't bear for their dc to wait a day or 2 for their christmas presents: what happens if their birthday is on say a wednesday, and you've arranged a party on the following weekend, do you expect people to deliver their presents on their birthday, or do you wait till the occasion where the the gift can be given personally? Same difference imo, as like others, FC brings a stocking of small gifts, and family and friends give presents when we see each other. If people are kind enough to give give my dc presents, they can do it whenever they like.

inSanityClaus · 28/12/2007 11:24

Why can't grandparents discipline their gc? If it's a matter of them being too noisy, or not sharing, f eg?

lyra41 · 28/12/2007 14:15

i'm with you chardonnay...

Original poster

louloulouise · 28/12/2007 14:19

Can I just clarify here as the OP, in our house all gifts are given to us then 'sent' to FC, she knows exactly what gift is from whom and I ensure she thanks each and every person that gives her a gift (via FC).

I suppose it's more of an issue of combatting MILs controlling ways, she needs to know my husband and I are the ones in charge of our family and she can't keep dictating and trying to control things in our lives. Every other member of our family made sure DCs had their pressies for xmas morn - MIL even held pressies from 3 other relatives too that I know she had before xmas.

This is just another facet of her behaviour. And re the remote control thing - she doesn't even let FIL touch it, all programmes are what she wants, the pigging volume is what she wants, you have to sit a certain way on her couch, can't use certain cushions etc etc the list goes on! It's yet another symptom of a wider problem.

OP posts:

AbbeyA · 28/12/2007 14:29

I don't think it is worth getting upset about, I should just smile sweetly and do your own thing and let her do hers. I am sure that you could explain to the children that Grandma wanted to give her presents on Boxing Day and so didn't send them to FC as he would deliver too early.

Freckle · 28/12/2007 14:32

Perhaps in future you should just do Christmas at home. Then you won't have to put up with someone whom you clearly can't stand.

islandofsodor · 28/12/2007 14:50

We do the same as Loulou. The children know exactly who has chosen and bought the presents. Santa just delivers them and decides if they have been good enough to have them.

As I said before, our children, our Christmas. As it happens both sides of the family agrtee with this way of doing things, it is what we have always done in my family and dh's family didn't really do Christmas at all before dh met me.

seeker · 28/12/2007 15:14

Seems not worth making a fuss when in a few years time they won't believe Father Christmas any more!

What about the presents they get to give
people? Do they get sent to FC too?

What if someone posted something from abroad and it arrived a bit late?

What if someone was ill and couldn't deliver the presents to you according to your timetable? Does that mean they are not allowed to give your dcs a present?

seeker · 28/12/2007 15:16

"she can't keep dictating and trying to control things in our lives." [hmmmmmmm]

Original poster

louloulouise · 28/12/2007 17:41

Well, it's obviously just me that hates being dictated to and constantly manipulated. I don't particularly like the 'lie down and take it because it's not worth it' method because where does it stop?

OP posts:

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