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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be so p***ed that my MIL held DD and DS's pressies hostage until Boxing Day??!!!

104 replies

louloulouise · 27/12/2007 06:04

Am f*cking fuming at the woman. We go round theirs after christmas lunch at my parents as we normally do, only to be met with 'you don't mind if I give them their pressies tomorrow do you? M, (DD/DS's cousin) will only be comng tomorrow and as you're visiting then too I don't want DD/DS to feel left out whilst he is opening his'

I mean WTF!! It's bad enough she keeps her presents for Christmas afternoon (instead of giving them in advance and letting Father Christmas bring them for the morning) but now the kids can't have them til Boxing day?!!!

Her reasoning was that as DC's cousin will be coming BD and we will also be visiting, she didn't want DD (DS not relevant as only 4 months) to feel left out when he was opening his. She's 4 FFS and rarely gets jealous, she's quite reasonable once she knows what will be happening.

When DH arrived in after this had been said and MIL repeated to him, he insisted we all have our pressies xmas day as normal, and made a bit of a joke out of it saying 'aww want to open my pressie today not tomorrow' etc etc, so MIL comes out with 'well DD's isn't wrapped anyway so she'll have to wait until tomorrow' (doubt very much it wasn't wrapped, she just wanted to get her own way, selfish attention seeking little mare she is).

What's more Boxing Day rolls around and DH picks up his bro, GF and their DS and drops them off at MILs (car out of comission atm), comes back to get us - by the time we got there he had opened everything - we don't even know what he got! That's hardly going to make DD jealous is it??!!

DH and I have had a bit of a to do about it, he agrees with me but doesn't feel as strongly about it (it's his mum after all and I think he feels annoyed but won't let on just how much). He won't mention anything this year but we've decided to be insistent that next year all pressies need to be passed around before the day so they can be there in the morning. I mean, everyone else can manage it (including my parents) so why can't she?!

For the record, if she were a normal MIL, and this was a one off, I wouldn't be so pissed, but she is a very controlling, attention seeking/loving person (and very insecure I've found). She likes to control every situation and everyone (she's always trying to discipline my daughter in my presence), this is the woman who hides the remote control and you have to ask permission to change the channel (and if it's not something she wants to watch, forget it!) and speaks to her husband like he's a piece of crap.

Gaaaahh!! I never thought I'd have any family trouble over christmas and this has turned into a huuuuuge rant!! Scream

OP posts:
FlossALumpOfPud · 27/12/2007 06:14

if she is only 4 i doubt she cares! My ds still has presents due from uncle/great aunt and grandparents. I like it spread out. means he gets to spend more time with all his pressies and he isn't so overwhelmed. I think you are letting your feelings for your MIL overtake the issue here.

lyra41 · 27/12/2007 06:23

agree with floss. it seems perfectly reasonable for your mil to decide when to give her own presents to her dgc, but the rest sounds pretty grim to put up with, the disciplining your dd in your presence etc. hope you find a way to cope with her. x

seeker · 27/12/2007 06:31

I don't see why you MIL's presents have to come from Father Christmas - why shouldn't she have the fun of seeing them unwrapped and get the smiles and the thank yous? And actually, I think it's a good idea having all the gc opening their presents together - like another mini Christmas!

I would relax about this, but think about how you deal with the business of her disciplining your dcs if you don't like her doing it/the way she does it.

DontCallMeHun · 27/12/2007 08:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Minum · 27/12/2007 08:28

I'm sorry shes so difficult generally, but the present thing seems reasonable to me. My nephews waited till we arrived after Church on Christmas day to open all their presents, so they could do it with their cousins. It was really special, and not one of them complained about waiting (aged from 3 upto 13).

Pixiefish · 27/12/2007 08:32

My Mil kept all of our pressies till Boxing Day as we were going there for a meal. Twas fab as dd had a second Christmas day/pressie opening session.

As it's on top of other things I can see why you're cross but just trying to give you a positive out of it

differentbutthesame · 27/12/2007 08:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

purplemonkeydishwasher · 27/12/2007 08:42

YANBU
especially since she let your nephew open his before you even got there!
You have my sympathies for having her as a MIL!

kinkiclaus · 27/12/2007 08:57

I was bought up with Father Christmas bringing a stocking of small gifts which my parents had bought. They also gave us a 'main' present which was under the tree. We do this now with our dc. Other gifts from family are either given to us beforehand and put under the tree or as we did this year given out on boxing day at a family get-together. Either way I feel it important that the dc know who has given to them so they can personally thank them. That imo wouldn't work if they thought they all came from Father Christmas.

But more importantly than that, isn't the giving of a present as important as the recieving? Maybe your mil gets enjoyment out of seeing the dc's faces when they open their presents. It's not unreasonable to want someone to know that they have given a particular gift.

I agree it does sound odd that the cousin was allowed to open his gifts before your dc where there, when yours were made to wait for him (if I understood that right). Obviously there is a lot more to this relationship. But I honestly think that you saying "to be insistent that next year all pressies need to be passed around before the day" misses the whole point of gift giving. There's a lot more to Christmas than insisting the dc have a big pile of presents to open. Waiting one day for one present isn't going to hurt anyone.

Amandoh · 27/12/2007 12:17

YABU.

It sounds like you MIL just wanted the pleasure of seeing her Grandchildren opening their presents but felt she had to come up with an elaborate story to make this happen ( eg: Presents not wrapped. GC will get jealous of cousin ).

I think it would be very wrong of you to insist that all presents are given to you before Christmas morning next year. Last I heard the giving of presents wasn't law and if you start dictating when they should be opened she may dig her heels in.

This must be a very awkward situation for your husband. Why not let her have her way for his sake as I doubt the children care when they open their presents.

Re the remote control. It is generally considered polite to ask before you use something in someone else's home.

VictorianSqualor · 27/12/2007 12:20

I was actually quite surprised that MIL bought the dc's presents round on the 23rd so they could go under the tree as we had christmas breakfast at hers anyway.
I can understand that in the event the cousin opening his before you even got there did make it pointless but YABU to think it's unfair of your MIL to give them all their presents the same day.

Freckle · 27/12/2007 12:24

Actually, I think your MIL was showing great consideration for your DD. At 4 she might well have forgotten that she'd received a gift from MIL the day before and might have been upset at seeing her cousin open one when she didn't have one.

You seem to have let this take on enormous proportions and it possibly speaks about other issues you may have with your MIL. Just chill out. I'm sure your DD loved receiving her gift whenever it was given to her and your MIL had the pleasure of watching her gc open their presents together.

madamez · 27/12/2007 12:24

SOUnds a bit like your view of this is coloured by the fact that you don't like her. FWIW it often better with small-ish DC to spread the present opening out over several days, they don't go so bananas and they actualy enjoy each present more. My DS got his present from PIL on 23rd, presents from my family mostly spread out over Xmas day and last 2 o 3 yeasterday.

OrmIrian · 27/12/2007 12:24

YABU.

I'd want to see my GC's open their presents too.

Quattrocento · 27/12/2007 12:26

YABU. Sorry to say so. Are you a bit overtired? Just asking because I get unreasonable when I've been doing too much - thought it might be a common phenomenon.

Really it doesn't matter about when they get Christmas presents or how they are delivered. So it is both unreasonable and unfair to use it to beat up poor old MIL.

As for someone flicking over channels without checking whether or not it's okay with everyone else ... that's just basic courtesy isn't it?

If you really have to watch shedloads of TV when you've got other people around, surely to goodness you check that they actually want to watch the thing that you are forcing them to watch? So I don't think MIL is unreasonable in wanting to have a say.

yorkshirepudding · 27/12/2007 12:27

Message withdrawn

pyjamagirl · 27/12/2007 12:29

My mil gives her giftys boxing day as does my grandma totally reasonable in my eyes. Pus it spreads it out a bit and they have something to look forward to the day after Christmas.

wheresthehamster · 27/12/2007 12:38

Have to agree with the majority. Exchanging presents with family and friends at different times over the Christmas period is all part of the fun and goodwill of the holiday.

Much better than some hugh present-fest on Christmas morning that is soon forgotten.

lucyellensmum · 27/12/2007 12:51

well i guess this is academic now. I do know how a dislike for a mil can make one unreasonable, its not the OPs fault, the woman sounds like a nightmare. However, my opinion is that it will give the child something else to look forward to. We are still to visit ILs as we all have colds and FIL just out of hospital, but we will have presents then, a bonus xmas I also let my DD (2.5) open presents from friends and family as they were given, that way she appreciated who was giving them and the giver could watch presents being opened. At that age i suppose its easier, as she gets older she will have to wait.

Tommy · 27/12/2007 13:00

I think all families have different traditions for opening presents and when you have a clash meet of families (i.e. ILs ) it's always awkward.

My ILs just give them all out at once and I was scrabbling around trying to work out who gave what. I prefer everyone to be sitting and watching people open them in a more "restrained" manner IYSWIM

Its also another reason why I don't like Christmas...
Bah humbug

islandofsodor · 27/12/2007 15:18

YANBU

I insist that we are given all presents in advnace for dd and ds to open on Christmas morning. We go round my parents on Christmas Dayt evening and they do have a stocking for the children there (that Santa left)but still send their main present in advance.

In fact dh and I go as far as to say that if we don't have the presents in advance, we don't want them at all.

kerala · 27/12/2007 15:25

Definately YABU
Its nice to stagger it surely?

Freckle · 27/12/2007 15:34

I am staggered by those of you who insist that things are done your way or not at all. Surely the whole point about Christmas is that you give presents to those that you love and you are pleased to receive this expression of love from those dear to you. Not that it should resemble a military operation with all presents being exactly where you insist they should be or that they are opened exactly when you say they should be.

Given your attitudes, I do think that some of you should be jolly grateful that you are given anything at all.

DontCallMeHun · 27/12/2007 18:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FrostyTheSnowman · 27/12/2007 18:10

Well, I found a bad of pressies from SIL for DD1 this morning-forgot to get it out on Chrimbo Day Made an excuse about FC having too much sherry and putting it in the wrong place. Needless to say she was delighted to open more presents.

HC
x