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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU - DP turned into a covid denier

196 replies

Littletownofbirthdaywoes · 17/01/2022 11:01

So, DP initially followed all the rules, had first 2 vaccines, but has increasingly been swept up by social media "experts" claiming that covid is all a plan to exert control, that for 99.9% of the population it's nothing more than a cold, that the figures are manipulated (everyone apparently dies "with" covid and not "of" covid and actually die of something else. I know. Don't get me started.)

He is refusing to get the booster but seems to think that we will be able to go away this year, abroad - I have pointed out that most countries will expect the booster to be able to claim being fully vaccinated but he refuses to think that this means him, too.

I declined to argue against him over the weekend, there is no point, but I have previously pointed out that I am actually vulnerable due to underlying causes, so I will continue to follow the rules and have vaccinations if deemed necessary.

This has been getting worse over the past weeks and I just don't like it any more. I don't seem to be able to agree with any of his views anymore, we both used to be more middle of the road, but now he seems to be becoming increasingly right wing in his views. I cannot and will not get on board with this, I am more left of centre and he does not like this at all. He gets really frustrated that I won't engage with him in "healthy debate" and refuses to see that healthy debate is not him talking over me and telling me I am wrong before I can even finish my sentence. He thinks that I won't argue as I don't have an argument but it's simply because there is no point. It just causes bad feeling and increasing frustration on his part that I won't subscribe to his views.

We do not have children together, but both have kids, all elder teens or young adults. We are at the point where we can start doing things for ourselves without them. I used to love spending time with him but that is all changing as he delights in pointing out all that is wrong with the narrow world that he lives in (increasingly too "woke" and people need to "grow up and live in the real world"). Initially I figured it was all just a phase against lockdowns and wanting some life back, but as life is returning it just seems to be getting worse.

My refusal to engage with him in argument (so he can feel right and superior) or agreeing with him (so that he is right and I had to give in to him and confirm this) seems to be making it worse but I am not changing my stance just to placate him.

We went through a rough patch last year. Things have been better, he thinks that he is engaging more with me and therefore we as a couple are good, but in reality his views are really putting me off spending the rest of my life with him. AIBU to think that this is a deal breaker for me? Would it be for you?

I am a regular, have nc'd because I posted here for support last year when things weren't great, I used some of the advise and we did seem to get somewhere, but now I am not so sure.

OP posts:
loloballlolo · 17/01/2022 20:29

I would definitely leave OP, this will only get worse. Or ask him to get mental health treatment!!

User310 · 17/01/2022 20:31

I could have written your op about my husband. It is infuriating me.

The only saving grace in our case is he’s agreed to get booster if we go abroad but only then. Idiot.

ams1210 · 17/01/2022 20:38

Everyone is allowed a bloody opinion! People are can believe in whatever they want what happened to freedom of speech and tolerance and respect

Broblem · 17/01/2022 20:39

Everyone is allowed a bloody opinion! People are can believe in whatever they want what happened to freedom of speech and tolerance and respect
But the problem with people like the OP’s DP is that they don’t respect other people’s opinions. They just want to debate (and convert you) to believing in the conspiracy.

They won’t ‘agree to disagree’, they are obsessed evangelicals:

Classica · 17/01/2022 20:41

@ams1210

Everyone is allowed a bloody opinion! People are can believe in whatever they want what happened to freedom of speech and tolerance and respect
Tolerance and respect for his opinion that there are too many black people on TV? You sound charming.
Classica · 17/01/2022 20:42

His/Your type demand tolerance and respect but aren't so good about demonstrating it themselves...

pointythings · 17/01/2022 20:59

Tolerating overt racism is called collusion. Racism is one of quite a few things (misogyny, homophobia, xenophobia to name but a few) which deserve no respect whatsoever, only contempt.

AtrociousCircumstance · 17/01/2022 21:10

OP. So you’ve long known him to be a right wing bigot.

You’ve tolerated that up until now so why are you complaining? All the shit you’ve mentioned (pro Trump, racist etc) are deal breakers. The fact that you’ve happily loved alongside that doesn’t reflect well on you.

EmmaH2022 · 17/01/2022 21:20

@AtrociousCircumstance

OP. So you’ve long known him to be a right wing bigot.

You’ve tolerated that up until now so why are you complaining? All the shit you’ve mentioned (pro Trump, racist etc) are deal breakers. The fact that you’ve happily loved alongside that doesn’t reflect well on you.

Where has OP said he's racist? i'm knackered so I might have missed it.
Nanny0gg · 17/01/2022 21:26

@ams1210

Everyone is allowed a bloody opinion! People are can believe in whatever they want what happened to freedom of speech and tolerance and respect
Because science isn't a faith!
AtrociousCircumstance · 17/01/2022 21:27

@EmmaH2022 He’s anti-BLM and thinks white people need more representation.

AtrociousCircumstance · 17/01/2022 21:27

(Mentioned in one of OP’s posts).

ams1210 · 17/01/2022 21:28

@Classica sorry did I miss were the OP stated he was racist?

Some people don't believe in science and thats fine aswell so ..

Classica · 17/01/2022 21:31

[quote ams1210]@Classica sorry did I miss were the OP stated he was racist?

Some people don't believe in science and thats fine aswell so ..[/quote]
Here's a novel idea: read the OP's posts.

EmmaH2022 · 17/01/2022 21:34

[quote AtrociousCircumstance]@EmmaH2022 He’s anti-BLM and thinks white people need more representation.[/quote]
Ah
I probably have a different definition of racism
I'm a woman of colour btw.

EmmaH2022 · 17/01/2022 21:34

The "birds aren't real" is bugging me
Next time I have insomnia, I might look that up 😂

AtrociousCircumstance · 17/01/2022 22:19

@EmmaH2022 Ok. I think he sounds racist from the OP’s description.

Cocogreen · 18/01/2022 04:19

Anyone spouting conspiracy theories would be a deal breaker for me. Add to that the right wing stuff and I'd be gone.

DottyDoge · 19/01/2022 04:57

Not read all the thread, but while I wonder if we would should be more understanding of Covid “sceptics”. This is one of the greatest shakeups in living memory and for a lot of people, with access to YouTube, this is a very confusing time. Perhaps OP’s husband is vulnerable to misinformation. Aren’t we all?

Gargellen · 19/01/2022 05:30

The rights and wrongs of his beliefs are academic OP. He is treating you like shit and that is all you need to know really.
It's over. It's been over for a long time. He gives you the ick. Hell, he's giving all of us the ick and we don't even know him!
The main thing to remember is that you will be wrong in his eyes no matter what you do and that includes when you dump him. He will escalate, possibly to a massive degree so make sure you don't tell him it's about his beliefs. You need to use much broader terms like that you no longer feel you are compatible, you want different things blah blah and don't engage in his lunacy. You owe him NO explanation and you know it would be a pointless exercise.
You can end the relationship just because you want to. You don't have to provide him with reasons beyond it's that you want to.

You sound sensible, reasoned and level headed. Let him go and inflict himself on some other poor soul. You will feel free as a bird when he is out of your life.

TwentyFirstCenturyTricoteuse · 19/01/2022 09:18

Recent research shows vaccine passports have saved 4,000 lives and 6 billion euros in France.

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