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To feel so angry and resentful towards my own son?
167

Secondnightblue · 17/01/2022 05:22

I’m really on one tonight. 14 month old DS sleeps terribly and has for months upon months on end. There is no end in sight. Every ten weeks or so he suddenly starts sleeping well and this lasts for five nights then reverts back. These glimmers of hope seem set to torture me.

I adored DS when I had him but I feel like these feelings are vanishing amidst resentment. I’m so bloody tired and fed up. It isn’t just tiredness more sick of being ‘on duty’ ALL the time. It’s like an exhausting job with no breaks or sleep. And of course you get this as a newborn but I didn’t think that this would last this long. Ideally wanted to conceive again but those plans are
Going out of the window. Constant horrible arguments with DH about it.

I’m just venting not looking for advice.

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

Monty27 · 17/01/2022 05:39

He's unhappy about something.
Let him sleep in your safe arms while DH gets you and DS a drink or does something useful.
It's cold, hot, thirsty, hungry, wind or a nappy change usually.
Why are you expected to be the only parent?
It's not the baby you should be resenting.

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BreakingGood45 · 17/01/2022 05:43

Will co sleeping help the situation? That way maybe you both get some sleep.

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mynameiscalypso · 17/01/2022 05:48

I get you. It takes a massive toll on everything. People tell me that it gets easier but it's a real fucking slog.

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Tarne · 17/01/2022 05:48

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Keeva2017 · 17/01/2022 05:51

Go had to co sleep with my first from 10 months. She hated her cot with a passion and as soon as I got her into a bed she was fine. I slept in a king size bed with her in her room for 2 years! It was tough on me and partner but it changed our lives! And we went on to have a second dc.

When your a parent, sleep is everything! If you have that, you can conquer anything so try some new arrangements and see what gets the little monster darling to sleep!

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ColdShouldersWarmTummy · 17/01/2022 05:52

Urgh, I feel you. My baby slept atrociously for the first 13 months (then improved a bit and now seems to have gone to shit again). It made my whole maternity leave shit and ruined my mental health. I didn't personally resent the baby, just every other parent whose baby slept better, and any fucker who told me "it's just a phase" Angry (fucking long phase with even longer repercussions) but I can understand how it would. I'm sorry it's shit. You aren't alone though xx

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THisbackwithavengeance · 17/01/2022 06:13

I wouldn't put my baby alone downstairs and then put earplugs in so I couldn't hear anything!

What if you were burgled or had a fire?

I would try Co-sleeping personally. It has a polarised response on MN but worked for me.

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BaggaTDoubleTroubleDoubleG · 17/01/2022 06:17

I feel you. My DD (almost 4) was an awful sleeper.
Surviving it on mat leave was one thing but when I went back to work, it reached another level. I felt exhausted, and the rage was awful. DH and I argued a lot. She did improve but still gets in our bed every night. I now have an almost 4 month old who is also a terrible sleeper. I will be sleep training this time, it’s either that or my mental and physical health will deteriorate to the point that I can’t be a decent parent.

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Hollyhead · 17/01/2022 06:21

Have you tried sleep training? I think between 12-18 months is the perfect age. It worked in 3 nights for both of mine and they went from waking 4 times a night to 12 hours straight through. Do you have a DP? It only worked with DH doing it for us.

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DishwashDogsDickens · 17/01/2022 06:26

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EIIa · 17/01/2022 06:27

It is completely torturous situation, and I totally understand how you feel

My son didn’t sleep one night through into he was three

In hindsight I wish I’d just coslept with him,
I was desperately exhausted the entire time and yes I completely resented it

I’f you’re worried about bonding later - don’t

  • positive feelings do come back once you get your sleep on!
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Sirzy · 17/01/2022 06:27

That feeling of never being able to relax is horrible. Sending lots of sympathy your way

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gamerchick · 17/01/2022 06:28

@THisbackwithavengeance

I wouldn't put my baby alone downstairs and then put earplugs in so I couldn't hear anything!

What if you were burgled or had a fire?

I would try Co-sleeping personally. It has a polarised response on MN but worked for me.

Definitely not at 14 months. Fine for immobile baby for 5 minutes though when you feel like screaming.

I did co sleeping. All mine got a double bed from little. There are other ways to keep the bond with husbands.
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Rumplestrumpet · 17/01/2022 06:29

I feel you - just had an atrocious night with mine. Please don't follow Tarne's advice, that's ridiculous Confused

You need to share the load with your husband - you both equally deserve a good night's sleep. So catch up where you can and just survive this difficult period. It will get better

Also, I used gentle sleep training techniques at that age and it worked well - took a while, it's not instantaneous but it worked. Try looking up Gradual retreat method.

Good luck

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FridaRose · 17/01/2022 06:31

@THisbackwithavengeance

I wouldn't put my baby alone downstairs and then put earplugs in so I couldn't hear anything!

What if you were burgled or had a fire?

I would try Co-sleeping personally. It has a polarised response on MN but worked for me.

Baby monitor. With no sound.


Not forever just to get a break.
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Dontfuckingsaycheese · 17/01/2022 06:34

Arguments with DH about the current sleeping situation or about him wanting another?! Bonkers if it’s the latter. What’s actually happening? Refusing to sleep? Constant waking? Do anything to prioritise more rest for you. Can you catch up with naps in the day? Does he settle in the room/bed with you? Around that time I reckon ds spent more of the night in my bed than his. He’d start in his but most mornings I’d wake up with him beside me. Some people would spend hours returning them to their own bed. Me - I just let him stay. There again - no DH here making situation even more difficult!

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becca3210 · 17/01/2022 06:34

www.happylittledreamers.co.uk

Great if you want and can afford professional help

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TheWomandestroyed · 17/01/2022 06:35

Why don't you take him into your bed, I wouldn't hesitate to, why suffer , you won't get this time back again and you can't enjoy anything when sleep deprived.

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NoMoreTractors · 17/01/2022 06:38

What use is a baby monitor with no sound when you're asleep? I get we need a break, I NEED a bloody break but Jesus.

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NoMoreTractors · 17/01/2022 06:39

I agree with taking him into your bed.

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Uponmytiptoes · 17/01/2022 06:39

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waterrat · 17/01/2022 06:40

When my son who is now 10 was about 6 months old i banged my head repeatedly against a wall I was so sstressed at going into another night without sleep.

I can only reassure you that babies and toddlers do eventually sleep well. I have to wake my son now for school after a long deep sleep ! As you said you didn't want advice I won't say much else but we did a bit of gentle sleep training that involved trying not to immediately pick him up but pat or sing to him or lie him down and say shhh etc . And also just leave a little gap before going to him which made me realise I was actually disturbing his sleep ! Sometimes within a shirt time of crying out he would just roll back to sleep. It worked wrll and made a massive difference to his sleep.

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waterrat · 17/01/2022 06:41

And yes co sleeping is lovely when it works but my son was waking every 20 mins while co sleeping and I realised I was disturbing him and reacting to every twitch. Its not thr only way to get a child to sleep better but good if it works for you

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Uponmytiptoes · 17/01/2022 06:44

Also please please don't 'sleep train'. There's plenty of studies to show how damaging it is. It's just neglect and is very outdated.

Unfortunately people just take the advise from older generations and d no research of their own and children continue to suffer.

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DontWantTheRivalry · 17/01/2022 06:50

Message withdrawn as it quotes a deleted post.

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