Husband bought a christmas gift for another women

[Biscuits1]

So I found a Next parcel receipt from December for a leopard print animal dressing gown not in my size and which I never received as a gift. After much questioning and denial about buying it. He admitted it was for his mate's wife as a 'joke' as he says she always wears one around the house. But his mate doesn't know and I'm not to tell him either as he will 'get the wrong end of the stick'.

The back story though is my husband sent drunken messages to his best friends wife (he went to school with both of them so wasn't unusual to message her) suggesting they hook up. I found the messages and obviously shit hit the fan. I forgave him but him and his friend fell out. Years have since past and he has been in touch with them again and everything was water under the bridge (or so I thought) and I have seen them a couple of times in the past few months but hubby has seen them a lot more.

To make matters worse, he ordered the dressing gown whilst upstairs isolating as he had covid and our baby was 10 weeks old at the time so we really didn't want her to catch it. I was sleeping on the sofa downstairs with the baby in the moses basket.

AIBU to feel hurt as hubby doesn't even buy his family gifts as that's my job. I also do not know if there is more to it as all I can think is that he was sat upstairs probably messaging her when he bought the dressing gown. What would you do in my situation?

@Spreadingtheword

Are you sure it wasn’t cheetah print?

Very good !

Seriously a dressing gown is quite an intimate item. Leopard print is a sexualised version too.

Red flags all over this. Have you looked for more messages or a hidden phone in his car maybe?

Sounding the ducks in a row cliche klaxon

He sounds like a total liar to me. No matter what, given the history this is completely disrespectful and inappropriate. I agree with the poster who suggested wait a bit of time just to organise yourself and move on from him as much as possible. Easier said than done of course, but it dosent sound like he will ever be worth trusting!

Regardless of whether it's a physical/sexual affair or not, he's cheating on you. With his mate's wife. Not only that, this isn't the first time you've caught them at it.

Grim.

I'd play pass the parcel . Give it to his mate and let DH take the consequences.

@2bazookas

Me too!

Buy one for yourself and wear it around the house. Not as exciting for him to imagine her in it anymore.

Thank you for all of the advice and the tongue in cheek comments 😊 So a few have asked some questions so just to clarify. He bought me the usual slippers, chocolates, bath stuff and PJs (from Next 🙄). When I found the reciept and he denied he had bought a dressing gown I got his phone off the side and looked through it in front of him. I found the receipt on an email and it was a fluffy gown. I didn't find anything else dodgy on his phone. I don't make a habbit of checking his phone as I can't live with the lying. But I have checked it in the past when he has acted protective of his phone hence why I found the messages years ago. He has also checked my phone as I've found it with different apps up etc but I'm not bothered as I have nothing to hide.

He also went to this couples house on New Years Day and there were a few of them round. He came home much later than expected so I wasn't happy and he slept on the sofa. I noticed his phone wasn't anywhere to be seen so was likely under his pillow which he has done before. So when I got the chance after he woke up I checked his phone. There was a whatsapp at the top off his friends wife but no messages but showed 3am. So the messages from 3am had been deleted. He said it was because he left his key at their house and his mate seemed to back this up. He said he deleted the messages as he didn't want me to be upset. I explained that he had been at her house for most of the day so why would some innocent texts about a key be upsetting.

I've spoken to him again to ask what the joke was. He says it was because she has one similar and she wears it all the time and its tatty so jokingly said he would buy her another. But I want to know why it came to him whilst he was upstairs with covid. He denies he was texting her during this time. His mate works away through the week so he will have dropped off the dressing gown then and he told her not to tell his mate as he might think it was weird. I'm not close to her and haven't spoken to her properly since it all kicked off years ago. In the previous messages she was just saying he was drunk and would regret it so not exactly going along with it. I think some are right in that if she would bite, he would have an affair. I'm not telling his mate as I did last time and I felt like I was shit stiring with their relationship so I'm not getting involved with them this time. It doesn't benefit me telling him.

Are you just going to ignore it then?

What would I do? I'd LTB. He's insulting shit at lying and I wouldn't sit around being someone's good-enough-for-now.

You dont need proof for permission to call a spade a spade.

He must think you're an imbecile.

I hope you're okay.

Jesus fucking Christ OP. Not only is he having (or desperately trying to have) an affair, he’s asking you to lie to his mate about it to save his skin!! Bin him yesterday! And tell him friend. What are you DOING?

It's not looking great OP , time to get your ducks in order.

I think given the history and the fact he knew both you and his mate would have a problem with it…. But he went and did it anyway for the sake for a joke.. is very telling. If a rift had been healed why was he risking stirring it up again? Why could he not have let you in on the joke too and made it a gift from both of you? I think because he wants her and the deleted messages just raise suspicion more. At best he is a weasel who would risk upsetting his wife and friend for a stupid gag.

Why has he seen her in her dressing gown!

He's lying.
Op,what a horrible time to find out this.
But get your financial ducks in order,sort everything out,then pack his cases and the a cheap piece of leopard print ribbon around the bin bags of possessions and put them outside.
He doesn't deserve either of you.
Good luck.💐

If it's all a joke, he won't mind you mentioning her new dressing gown to her will he?

It doesn’t sound like she feels the same but that wouldn’t make a difference to me.
The fact that for years he’s been trying to get with her would kill me.
It’s more than just a drunken one night stand.

There are a million women out there to cheat with but to keep trying it on with your best friends girlfriend is even more of a piss take.

I couldn’t ever truly trust him and I couldn’t be in a relationship without trust.

It seems be is having an affair - or trying to.
I am v sorry

At the absolute least then, he lied about buying a dressing gown and you had to find the proof on his phone for him to admit it. This is no life OP. He's not your teammate. Remember that if nothing else.

Agree I'd wonder why he'd seen her in her dressing gown. Her wafting round in a dressing gown all the time when he's round so he sees it as her main attire sounds odd. He lied about it all

You found a receipt. May be you already not trust him? I never check my husband’s receipts. Really sad you are going through this with a baby. Do not have more children with him and plan to live as soon as is convenient.

Reaching out to hook-up
Secretly buying her a Christmas gift
Repeatedly lying
Messaging/deleting at 3 a.m.
Secretly purchasing lap dance

It’s Rinse and Repeat with this faithless man, Biscuits.

You’ve twice caught your H shitting on you and his best Friend in pursuit of his Wife. If he felt true remorse after his previous infidelity, and valued restoring your trust, he would never secretly send her gifts, lie about it, and delete their messages. He should absolutely be NC with her instead of investing in and prioritizing her.

You would be very foolish to downplay and underreact to this utter disrespect and disloyalty. H mocks you when he expects you to suck up his blatant deception. A ‘joke’ indeed.

Regarding telling his Friend, I certainly would. You’ve both been kept in the dark…again. If he had discovered this new development, wouldn’t you have wanted him to inform you? And what is his Wife’s role in this game? After all that previously transpired, she has accepted H’s gift, has not shut him down, and has agreed to keep their secret

You previously wrote about finding the receipt for H’s secret visit to a strip club, where he purchased a lap dance. This too caused damage to your marriage.

Biscuits, you’ve struggled to have your precious baby, and you’ve invested so much love and care into your family. You deserve equal respect and devotion, not the betrayal of a sneaky liar who seeks validation/gratification from other women. This is a very poor relationship model for both your children to absorb.

I would send him away while I reevaluated the marriage.

I would ask her first, she doesn't seem like she is following your husband's advances, and if it was me I would want the other person to know if their husband is a piece of shit.
So once she got the gift, did she tell her husband where it came from? If she did I would be less worried but pissed of with a husband that is that sneaky.
If it was an innocent joke, he would've shared it with you.

I’d be sending her DH a msg asking if the robe your DH sent her fit… It’s not okay.