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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband bought a christmas gift for another women

255 replies

Biscuits1 · 16/01/2022 09:27

So I found a Next parcel receipt from December for a leopard print animal dressing gown not in my size and which I never received as a gift. After much questioning and denial about buying it. He admitted it was for his mate's wife as a 'joke' as he says she always wears one around the house. But his mate doesn't know and I'm not to tell him either as he will 'get the wrong end of the stick'.

The back story though is my husband sent drunken messages to his best friends wife (he went to school with both of them so wasn't unusual to message her) suggesting they hook up. I found the messages and obviously shit hit the fan. I forgave him but him and his friend fell out. Years have since past and he has been in touch with them again and everything was water under the bridge (or so I thought) and I have seen them a couple of times in the past few months but hubby has seen them a lot more.

To make matters worse, he ordered the dressing gown whilst upstairs isolating as he had covid and our baby was 10 weeks old at the time so we really didn't want her to catch it. I was sleeping on the sofa downstairs with the baby in the moses basket.

AIBU to feel hurt as hubby doesn't even buy his family gifts as that's my job. I also do not know if there is more to it as all I can think is that he was sat upstairs probably messaging her when he bought the dressing gown. What would you do in my situation?

OP posts:
jollygoose · 16/01/2022 13:45

Apologies if other posters have mentioned but he probably refers to her as "tiger" or something similar which suggests he at least finds her sexy, hde is cheating or would like to.

Spreadingtheword · 16/01/2022 13:48

So he’s having an affair with his best friends wife and has told you not to tell his best friend about the gift he brought her?

Confirm with her that she received the gown to make sure he’s not lying about a possible other woman.. then tell his best friends after a really good revenge shag with him.

Two can play his game if you’re smart enough Grin

ThirdElephant · 16/01/2022 13:48

It doesn't have to involve sex to be an affair.

Spreadingtheword · 16/01/2022 13:52

PurpleMauve

  1. Ask the Wife about the dressing gown
  2. Tell the Wife’s Husband
  3. Kick him out shag his best friend.
Wink
VoiceOfCommonSense · 16/01/2022 13:52

I love the way people always tell the wife to leave the husband straight away like it's nothing even when they have kids.. But to be fair it does sound dodgy like he's trying to bang his mates wife. I would keep an eye on him..

SailingNotSurfing · 16/01/2022 13:53

Leopard print is seen as a bit slutty (not slut shaming, I'm love a bit of leopard print!) so perhaps in a bumbling and inept way, DH is trying to tell his friend's wife he wants to shag her, so she can wear the dressing gown afterwards, as they enjoy a post-coital cigarette and brandy.

Tell him to fuck off, tell his friend and tell his friend's wife as well. Tell all your friends what a loser you have married.

Hold your head high and move on with your life, just you and the baby. He doesn't deserve you.

Staryflight445 · 16/01/2022 13:57

I’d be asking his friend to meet with you, so you can have a face to face chat about what you know.
He may know things you don’t know yet too

User2638483 · 16/01/2022 13:58

In your position I’d be extremely, extremely suspicious.
I’d probably ask to see his phone, or try and get a look at his messages.

Mummacake · 16/01/2022 13:59

Congratulations on your baby! Definitely bring it up with the ladies DH - why would he want that hidden? Whilst we don't know if she encourages this, shes not at fault here, it's your DH. You don't know if she accepted the gift or even knew it was from your DH. You & his friend have forgiven him/them once, but he clearly doesn't know when to leave things alone. Either they are having an affair - physical or emotional, or he's desperate to do so. Either way, it's not good news.

TurquoiseDragon · 16/01/2022 14:17

[quote PixelatedLunchbox]@Biscuits1 there is also the possibility that he is having an affair with someone else, and used past history with this couple as a convenient cover story, and one that you would likely buy. And you have. Sorry you are dealing with this shit, but life is too short and precious to live with a waste of space like him. My advice would be to get rid, on your own terms, and when YOU are ready to do so. It may take weeks or it may take a year, but get your ducks in a row financially, keep your powder dry for now, and make the move when it works for you. Look after yourself now and your precious little one, that's what matters. Flowers[/quote]
Yes, I wondered, too.

OP already knows the past history with this woman, so more likely to buy the story.

Wouldn't be surprised to find a different woman in the picture.

StopStartStop · 16/01/2022 14:20

Leopard print? Who is he shagging - Bet Lynch?

PrincessNutella · 16/01/2022 14:27

The other thing you can do is tell the "hilarious" story in public. "I opened this package, thinking it was for me, but what would I want with something so tacky? Then I realized it was some kind of joke he had with you. Isn't that hilarious, (her husband)?"

Cotswoldmama · 16/01/2022 14:32

Why is it a joke? What's funny about it? If it's so funny how come you don't get it and her husband won't?! Why do they have in jokes? I can't believe you or your husband's friend would want them to have any contactafter he attempted an affair!

BornOnTwelfthNight · 16/01/2022 14:40

I’d be going straight to the husband and speak to him direct without telling your Dh that you are going to do so. That way, he and the wife can’t concoct a story between them to cover their arses.

Or if it is on fact a cover story for another woman and not the wife, then you’ll soon have your answers if she doesn’t have the offending dressing gown and they have no idea what you are talking about.

everythingthelighttouches · 16/01/2022 14:40

One of the most Genuine, practical and sensible responses that I’ve seen on here to an affair:

BootySOS

I know it is really hard to be faced with something like this when you have a small baby. I put off dealing with my H adulterous behaviour when I had a baby because my MH just couldn't cope with anything else at that point, I was all over the place emotionally. I avoided admitting the truth to myself but deep down I knew

This might not be the time for you to LTB or it might be the perfect time. You might come back to this later on, if you can't face it right now. But he is emotionally or physically having an affair. I would guess physically and that it is quite a well established affair as gift buying would be too much in the early stages or where lines are still blurred. This is a sexual gift, too

Phantom1 · 16/01/2022 14:48

So, you're not to say anything to his mate but you could say something to her. Just ask what's going on. Also ask if she bought anything for him.

RoseGoldEagle · 16/01/2022 14:53

I feel like I'm being dramatic because he hasn't actually had an affair (or one that I know of).

How do men get women putting up with this crap. He’s already got history with this woman OP and he’s bought her a leopard print dressing gown, which he hid from you and now wants you to hide from her husband.

There is a whole wonderful world out there full of decent people who do not treat their partners and their friends like shit. Dump these awful people and join us xx

Longdistance · 16/01/2022 15:17

So how does his mates gf explain the leopard print nightgown away. Surely the bf would notice?
I think it’s for someone else.
He’s a lying toe rag and making your feelings invalid.

Toanewstart22 · 16/01/2022 15:23

What the heck happened in your previous relationships to think this is acceptable or a way to live

You have a baby. Please give them a start on life that means they have higher standards in life than you do

Spreadingtheword · 16/01/2022 15:29

Are you sure it wasn’t cheetah print?

onewednesdayindecember · 16/01/2022 15:35

Ohhh very good @Spreadingtheword 👏🏻

3scape · 16/01/2022 15:38

Definitely get that in the open. Maybe get your ducks in a row first. He might be pathetically chasing and fantasising over her, it might be more. Opening up than can of worms seems the best way to get some honesty in your life.

User2638483 · 16/01/2022 15:40

Have you considered it might be for someone totally different? And he just told you it was for the friends wife? Could be a separate affair.

Lolabray · 16/01/2022 15:44

See a lawyer and kick him out.

Lovemusic33 · 16/01/2022 15:56

Why do men think we are so thick with their stupid excuses?

My ex cheated on me. I found messages on his phone, back and forth with a woman leading up to them meeting (nothing he could really deny) but he tried to spin a story that he was setting up his mates girlfriend and had no intention sleeping with her 🤔, it was a rubbish lie because I had met his friend who was extremely good looking, I had also seen photos of the woman he hooked up with and there wasn’t a chance in hell his friend would have been dating her. It was the last lie he ever told me.

Saying he bought a gift for a friend partner is just the shitest excuse, pretty sure his friend could have gone into next and ordered it instore, who would get their mate to buy a gift for their partner?

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