AIBU I’m turning down this job offer?

[Whatwouldyoudo24]

Name change because this would be outing if you knew me!

I recently had a job interview and then the next day, a job offer.

During the call to offer me the job she said she had some feedback for me, and then proceeded to tell me I was dressed ‘very inappropriately for a job interview’. I was wearing a black flower skirt that is just above the knee, a mustard jumper that is high neck and very thick black tights with black flat shoes. I did have my green coat on for part of the tour as it was outside.

I don’t think it was inappropriate at all, it’s something I worn to work previously and have never had anyone say anything negative about it at all. Something about the phone call, the word inappropriate and my gut is making me feel uneasy about accepting the role now but I can’t tell if IABU?

It isn’t a suit industry, the interviewer was wearing black leggings, leather boots and a long top.

Am I being silly or maybe over sensitive? I’ve never been told I’ve dressed inappropriately for anything before so I might just not appreciate it, though usually I’m relatively good at accepting when I’ve made a mistake!

@Whatwouldyoudo24

If I do decline, I was thinking of just saying something along the lines of ‘Thank you so much for offering me this position, I really enjoyed meeting the team and would like to thank you for taking the time to answer all of my questions. After discussing the offer with my husband I have decided it wouldn’t be the best fit for me at this time, I wish you all the best with future candidates’

Good god don't do that.

Don't even THINK of having to refer to a chat with your DH, to yourself or a prospective employer. Don't feed into the 'little woman' stereotype.

If you decide not to then say no over the phone and write or email to HR explaining her initial feedback and then her response to your question was offputting and you have chosen not to take up the position specifically because of it.

No man would feel they needed a personal, wife chat, explanation, nor would they usually hesitate to say exactly why they were saying no, if they were pissed off about it.

You REALLY don't have to be so obliging and polite.

@AlbertBridge

A mustard jumper doesn't sound smart enough for a job interview, to be honest.

Would a mustard shirt have been OK?

Or did it need to be a navy jumper.

What a fucking odd and stupid comment!

Or were you the interviewer?

No offence but have you been confused with someone else? I used to work somewhere years ago, my manager once took me aside to say she had be asked for be to not go out for smoke breaks as much and to improve my timekeeping. I have never smoked and was late maybe once or twice in 2 years. Turns out the manager of our department mistook for someone else. We weren’t that similar, we were both Caucasian with dark hair and a similar height

If not then this person sounds like a condescending micro manager who l would avoid like the plague! She was wearing leggings FFS

She’s telling you that, in her opinion, your judgment was off. Suck it up. Either take the job or don’t. It doesn’t mean that she’s a bully, or insane, or controlling. It doesn’t warrant you attempting revenge, as some posters have suggested, or declining with a pointed, passive aggressive message.

Do you really expect her to explain exactly what was wrong with each item of clothing? I don’t blame her for not wanting to engage. Imagine having to explain exactly what colour, stitching type, material and neckline of a jumper would be appropriate, paired with precisely which skirt or trousers and accessories.

Irrespective of what you saw other people wearing on the day of the interview, it was your first visit to the business and the interviewer is telling you that she expected you to dress more smartly for the interview, where the first impression is created. You don’t want to disclose the industry or your field, which is your prerogative, but if it’s the type of role that involves meeting clients and managing a team I can see why she might think that dressing like a student from 1995 in a mustard sweater, floral skirt, flat shoes and green coat wasn't the best choice for an interview.

You didn’t have to wear an Armani suit. You needed to dress in a smarter and more businesslike way because you were being interviewed.

Just decline the offer. You don’t need to explain.

@Iamthewombat

She’s telling you that, in her opinion, your judgment was off. Suck it up. Either take the job or don’t. It doesn’t mean that she’s a bully, or insane, or controlling. It doesn’t warrant you attempting revenge, as some posters have suggested, or declining with a pointed, passive aggressive message.

Do you really expect her to explain exactly what was wrong with each item of clothing? I don’t blame her for not wanting to engage. Imagine having to explain exactly what colour, stitching type, material and neckline of a jumper would be appropriate, paired with precisely which skirt or trousers and accessories.

Irrespective of what you saw other people wearing on the day of the interview, it was your first visit to the business and the interviewer is telling you that she expected you to dress more smartly for the interview, where the first impression is created. You don’t want to disclose the industry or your field, which is your prerogative, but if it’s the type of role that involves meeting clients and managing a team I can see why she might think that dressing like a student from 1995 in a mustard sweater, floral skirt, flat shoes and green coat wasn't the best choice for an interview.

You didn’t have to wear an Armani suit. You needed to dress in a smarter and more businesslike way because you were being interviewed.

OP I think we’ve found your awful would-be boss

[quote WinnersDinner]@Iamthewombat

Ok boomer[/quote]
It makes no difference whether I’m a boomer (I’m not, FYI, and I’m sure that you have endeared yourself to women in that age category with your rapier wit). The OP asked for opinions on her proposed actions, and she got them.

They want to see how much shit you'll put up with. If you say yes to that, they'll think you're an utter doormat.

Should have told her to get fucked. Also you might want to go over her head and report what she said, as it's likely not her job to piss off candidates like that. Bet they can't hire anyone with her bitching at the applicants.

Imagine having to explain exactly what colour, stitching type, material and neckline of a jumper would be appropriate, paired with precisely which skirt or trousers and accessories.

Hilarious. Well done. "Stitching type". Yes, because it would absolutely be impossible to have effectively communicated this without getting into stitching type.

I would love to know which employers specify stitching type in their dress codes.

The OP asked for opinions on her proposed actions, and she got them.

Yes. Not for people to construct a strawman as you did.

This is not about asking for a detailed analysis of each garment, and a competent line manager knows how to give specific and constructive feedback which this was not.

Considering that your own post includes a put down, perhaps you are not familiar with such things either.

Honestly, some of the ‘advice’ on here is just boggling.

I’m assuming some people have never actually held a prosper job in the real world. Or ever dealt with actual human beings?

The OP works in a specific industry. Even if she doesn’t want to work for this company, it doesn’t make sense for her to alienate people she might not want to work with right now - because who knows when or why their paths may cross again in the future.

Telling people to ‘get fucked’, while ‘highly amusing’ is not recommended. Luckily the OP appears to be sensible enough to realise this.

And again, the outfit was absolutely fine, and the sort of thing I’ve seen many times when interviewing in the public sector.

Yes, because it would absolutely be impossible to have effectively communicated this without getting into stitching type

This is not about asking for a detailed analysis of each garment

I’ll assume that you didn’t read most of the thread then, because several posters have encouraged the OP to request a conversation with the interviewer to ask precisely why her interview outfit was deemed inappropriate, with some suggestions for questions. We all know what she’d be egged on to do then: if a cable knit jumper in mustard isn’t appropriate, would a mustard merino jumper be ok? If the skirt can’t have flowers on it, what pattern should it have? Exactly how many inches above the knee should the skirt be? Etc etc.

All utterly pointless, because no discussion of this nature would change that business’s expectations of what interviewees should wear.

Whoever mentioned The Apprentice above makes a very pertinent point.

There are plenty of industries, including my own, where wearing “smart business attire” for an interview would make you look completely outdated, overdressed and out-of-touch. A sleeve of tattoos, as someone else mentioned, would be no problem at all. I would not give a shit about your mustard knitwear, OP, if I was interviewing you.

All those people saying you MUST wear a suit for a job interview are wrong. It entirely depends on the position/industry.

@DisforDarkChocolate

I agree *@UseOfWeapons*.

There are very few occasions when it's appropriate. I'm thinking of working in a prison or healthcare where a new worker may not know about the dress requirements. Even then this would not be the way to tackle it.

Really? A prison is all you can come up with? You need to get out more. I’m in corporate work and wouldn’t wear this myself for an interview but completely understand there are entire industry sectors where it’s quite normal.

Irrespective of what you saw other people wearing on the day of the interview, it was your first visit to the business and the interviewer is telling you that she expected you to dress more smartly for the interview, where the first impression is created.

But what possible use is that for the OP? She dressed as she did and she got the job. This advice would only be useful should she be going for interviews for other jobs. Presumably they don’t want her doing this if they’ve just appointed her.

I think you’re definitely right to turn this down, but politely and without explaining anything specific. Your would-be boss has show you she’s a cow who will enjoy belittling and undermining you - definitely one to swerve.

I had one job where I had a very strong urge to leg in within the first two hours of the first day. I didn’t know where the urge came from, it was nothing specific, and I ignored it. I stayed for over a year and the owner / boss was an unstable and nasty bully. I should have listened to my gut and ran for it on day one.

Everyone is trying to get their head around why this interviewer made those comments. I really wouldn't bother letting this take up headspace. She sounds like a bit of a loon for offering the job then saying this but not explaining herself. I mean, seriously, who would want to work for someone like that. However, there are a couple of people on this thread who thinks it's completely okay to treat people like this. I can only imagine they are terrible managers. There are quite a lot of them around unfortunately!

It sounds like you were dressed smartly. I wonder why they thought it was inappropriate? It sounds like what you were wearing was nice. Cheeky sods.

After reading your other comment where your asked her why it was inappropriate and she's said 'let's jot get bogged down with it'.
Sounds like she was on some sort of power trip, made a shitty comment and then back tracked when you challenged her about it.

What she's said is inappropriate!

God I haven’t worn a suit or a dress and jacket to an interview in 20 years and it’s almost unheard of in my industry for someone to wear one to an interview - male or female. You’d look totally out of place and try hard,

Men (including our CEO when he came for interview) tend to wear chinos / trousers / smart jeans and a shirt tucked in with a v neck or crew neck jumper if it’s cold and brogue / Chelsea boots. Women wear anything smart casual.

Your outfit sounds fine especially if the staff were quite casual

It would be very tempting to give her feedback that her comments about your interview clothes were inappropriate!

I wouldn't rock the boat though.

I love the insinuation upthread that flat shoes are part of a ‘student’ look.

Virtually the only people who wear heels are 40+ - very few Millennials wear anything other than flats to work. They are very much standard issue these days.

When turning the job down I wouldn't absolve her of all responsibility by talking about family upheaval. I would just say "I just don't think it's the right fit for me."

If she presses you for more you could either go for a cheeky "let's not get bogged down in details," so she knows it was her way of giving you feedback whilst not actually telling you what the issue was. Or you could simply reiterate "It's just not the right fit for me."

If you're still deciding, for what it's worth I absolutely think you should turn it down. Imagine having a manager who is displeased with you but won't tell you what to do to please her. And having to second guess your outfit all the time. When you start a new job there should be the honeymoon when they're thrilled to get you and you're excited to be working for them. If you don't get that honeymoon it's unlikely to get better from there (though it can of course).

@RussiasGreatestLoveMachine

I love the insinuation upthread that flat shoes are part of a ‘student’ look.

Virtually the only people who wear heels are 40+ - very few Millennials wear anything other than flats to work. They are very much standard issue these days.

No, I said that the entire outfit, as it was described, put me in mind of something a student would have worn in 1995. Not that flat shoes = student. Heels are not compulsory at interview but I thought that the OP’s outfit as she described it didn’t sound right for an interview.

Have you been into a town centre on a Friday or Saturday evening recently? Looked at a fashion website? Heels everywhere. Worn by people who are very much under 40.

That’s irrelevant anyway. You and other posters can rage as much as you like about how unfair it is that you can’t just wear what you want to interviews and why won’t people look past your mustard jumper to see the real you etc., but you’re wasting your time. Most businesses expect to see interviewees dressed smartly - not necessarily a suit, but smartly - for interview even if the business is relatively casual.

You can carry on trundling along to interviews in your mustard jumper, floral skirt and clumpy shoes then getting annoyed afterwards when somebody dares to suggest that your judgment might be a bit off. Or you can dress in a way that is more appropriate for an interview and save yourself the bother. It would be different if the OP had gone for a role in a tech start-up. It doesn’t sound as if she did, when she was given an external tour of the site. That sounds more like manufacturing or distribution to me. Traditional businesses with traditional expectations of interviewees.