AIBU I’m turning down this job offer?

[Whatwouldyoudo24]

Name change because this would be outing if you knew me!

I recently had a job interview and then the next day, a job offer.

During the call to offer me the job she said she had some feedback for me, and then proceeded to tell me I was dressed ‘very inappropriately for a job interview’. I was wearing a black flower skirt that is just above the knee, a mustard jumper that is high neck and very thick black tights with black flat shoes. I did have my green coat on for part of the tour as it was outside.

I don’t think it was inappropriate at all, it’s something I worn to work previously and have never had anyone say anything negative about it at all. Something about the phone call, the word inappropriate and my gut is making me feel uneasy about accepting the role now but I can’t tell if IABU?

It isn’t a suit industry, the interviewer was wearing black leggings, leather boots and a long top.

Am I being silly or maybe over sensitive? I’ve never been told I’ve dressed inappropriately for anything before so I might just not appreciate it, though usually I’m relatively good at accepting when I’ve made a mistake!

Nobody is saying it’s unfair that the op can’t dress however she likes for an interview - they are disagreeing that the outfit is ‘inappropriate’. And that even if it were not up to the organisation’s dress standards there are far better ways to communicate that.

If they aren’t comfortable with her clothing judgement to the extent they are compelled to mention it when making the offer (which has been nothing other than 100% positivity ime), then they should have teased this issue out during the interview process or not made an offer at all.

Once again, you’ve worked yourself up into quite a state, Iamthewombat.

Once again - the outfit was not inappropriate. It was just fine.

It never fails to amuse me when somebody who is losing an argument, or who wilfully misses the point, immediately accuses the person on the opposing side of the argument of ‘getting worked up into a state’, or ‘caring too much’.

No, I simply have a better argument than you, and executed it better. Try to be a better loser. You can do that by taking the emotion out of your argument.

@Iamthewombat

Have you been into a town centre on a Friday or Saturday evening recently? Looked at a fashion website? Heels everywhere. Worn by people who are very much under 40.

I would absolutely not recommend basing an interview outfit on what you see out on the town on a Friday or Saturday night!

[quote Palavah]@Iamthewombat

Have you been into a town centre on a Friday or Saturday evening recently? Looked at a fashion website? Heels everywhere. Worn by people who are very much under 40.

I would absolutely not recommend basing an interview outfit on what you see out on the town on a Friday or Saturday night![/quote]
Quite - a lot of a “night out” wardrobe would be what I would describe as “very inappropriate” for an interview!

@Iamthewombat - you haven’t executed your argument very well at all. You’ve failed to persuade most posters, including those who regularly interview candidates, you’ve argued against points that people haven’t made (e.g. that it’s not fair that the op had to dress smartly) and, most of all, you’ve adopted a chiding and condescending tone towards the op. ‘Trundling’ - makes her sound like a ditzy child.

I don’t know how you can be so sure that this is a case of the op letting herself down with her attire rather than her unfortunately coming across an unpleasant individual. There seem to be a lot of reasons to suspect the latter, and only the manager’s word and your traditional views on businesswear (which may or may not apply here) for the former.

Firstly I don’t think the fact that you wore similar to the people employed there is a good thing, I think you should have worn smarter traditional interview clothes.
Secondly declining the job after talking to your DH sounds a bit of a funny thing to write in an email.

Those who are criticising the interview outfit, especially those who are suggesting alternatives, can you postulate about why the interviewer wouldn't answer the question about what was inappropriate about the outfit? Because, to me, that is the biggest issue. It was quite a strong criticism "very inappropriate". Surely it would have been as easy to tell the OP that they expect to see solid colour skirt/trousers and a shirt or whatever as to refuse to answer.

The OP doesn't know very much about the person who would be her manager if she takes the job. All she can do is extrapolate future behaviour from what she's seen so far and a manager who tells you that you're doing it wrong but won't give guidance on what the right way is would be a nightmare to work for.

I did try to expand on it at the time and asked what about it was inappropriate but she just said ‘let’s not get bogged down by that sort of thing, the good news is we are still happy to offer you the job’

I'd run a mile from someone who was in the habit of giving feedback but then brushing it back under the rug when you asked for specifics. It's either 'worth' mentioning properly with details or it's not worth mentioning at all.

Taking the route of saying-but-not-saying is a coward's way out and I wouldn't want to work with someone like that.

[quote ClafoutisSurprise]@Iamthewombat - you haven’t executed your argument very well at all. You’ve failed to persuade most posters, including those who regularly interview candidates, you’ve argued against points that people haven’t made (e.g. that it’s not fair that the op had to dress smartly) and, most of all, you’ve adopted a chiding and condescending tone towards the op. ‘Trundling’ - makes her sound like a ditzy child.

I don’t know how you can be so sure that this is a case of the op letting herself down with her attire rather than her unfortunately coming across an unpleasant individual. There seem to be a lot of reasons to suspect the latter, and only the manager’s word and your traditional views on businesswear (which may or may not apply here) for the former.[/quote]
What makes you think the OP came across as unpleasant?

[quote Palavah]@Iamthewombat

Have you been into a town centre on a Friday or Saturday evening recently? Looked at a fashion website? Heels everywhere. Worn by people who are very much under 40.

I would absolutely not recommend basing an interview outfit on what you see out on the town on a Friday or Saturday night![/quote]
The PP claimed that only the 40+ age category wore heels. I was demonstrating that that statement was incorrect. Not sure how you got from that to “dress for an interview as if you were dressing for a night out”. Quite a leap of logic.

The same poster decided that I’d stated that flat shoes are synonymous with students. Also not correct.

You’re all determined to find something to complain about, aren’t you? All because not everybody thinks that mustard jumpers and flowery skirts are ideal interview wear.

@palavah - I think you misread my comment. I didn’t say the op came across as an unpleasant individual, I said that she possibly came across, as in met or interacted with, an unpleasant individual. I.e. the manager. I think the op has come across as very balanced and thoughtful, which adds to my view that if (big if) she has transgressed the interview clothing expectations such that the company really had to say something, it will be down to some some minor misalignment that could have been addressed more positively rather than telling her she’d dressed ‘very inappropriately’!

[quote ClafoutisSurprise]@Iamthewombat - you haven’t executed your argument very well at all. You’ve failed to persuade most posters, including those who regularly interview candidates, you’ve argued against points that people haven’t made (e.g. that it’s not fair that the op had to dress smartly) and, most of all, you’ve adopted a chiding and condescending tone towards the op. ‘Trundling’ - makes her sound like a ditzy child.

I don’t know how you can be so sure that this is a case of the op letting herself down with her attire rather than her unfortunately coming across an unpleasant individual. There seem to be a lot of reasons to suspect the latter, and only the manager’s word and your traditional views on businesswear (which may or may not apply here) for the former.[/quote]
There you go again. Throwing insults. I wonder whether it has occurred to some of the posters on this thread that their lack of career success is less about ‘coming across unpleasant individuals’ who don’t think much of their judgment in relation to interview outfits, and more about their desire to spitefully attack anyone who disagrees with them or criticises them.

Nobody knows what really happened at this interview because none of us were there. However, do you think that the OP’s interests are served by the following advice that she’s received on this thread?

• get her to tell you EXACTLY why she said that your clothes were inappropriate. Don’t rest until you’ve made her say precisely what clothes you should have worn, then use it against her.

• don’t take the job, she’s an evil, gaslighting monster.

• wear whatever you think looks smart to an interview, irrespective of feedback you receive from, er, interviewers. You know best.

• craft a spiteful, passive aggressive response declining the job and make sure that other people see it so that you can get her into trouble.

Does that sound like the behaviour of a reasonable professional adult? No. Yet when anyone suggests that the interview outfit may not have been the best choice and maybe the OP needed to, you know, play the game a bit, out pours the bile.

Not sure what you mean by ‘again’, @Iamthewombat. I haven’t engaged with you before. Nor am I throwing out insults. I’ve said one interpretation of this situation may be that the manager is unpleasant. Another is that op really was dressed ‘very inappropriately’ and needed a heads up. I think the latter is very unlikely given her description, the way she comes across and the sheer oddness of a company taking on someone they feel was very inappropriate at interview. Which leaves two possibilities: 1. the op was less smart than the company would have liked (hardly ‘very inappropriate’ and could have been tackled in a far more constructive manner) or 2. she wasn’t actually inappropriate at all. Either way, the manager’s comment is a red flag.

And I’m not endorsing everything pps are suggesting. I wouldn’t accept the job as the comment and its follow-up would concern me, but nor would I be firing off letters to HR.

Fwiw, I wouldn’t wear what op described to an interview either and most candidates I see go for a jacket and sober top combo. But I’m struggling to see how it rises to the level of very inappropriate or why the manager couldn’t simply say ‘it was a little/somewhat/rather informal. We’d usually wear a suit / whatever when meeting clients and senior managers’.

@Whatwouldyoudo24 have you declined their kind offer yet? 🙂

Okay so I decided not to take the job, and called and simply said that after taking the weekend to think it over I decided I wouldn’t be accepting the offer, as I didn’t feel it would be the right fit for me right now.
She simply said ‘why?’ And when I went to answer her with something generic like ‘I just don’t feel like the company would be the best fit for me at this time’ she cut me off before I’d even finished the first word and said ‘okay well that’s fine, thanks for letting us know’ and hung up!
I was going to ask more about what was very inappropriate but honestly the way the whole situation was handled made me realise it wouldn’t change my decision so I’d rather just leave it.

I think the HR lady could work on her people skillls.

You've dodged a bullet there, OP!

@Horsemad

You've dodged a bullet there, OP!

Absolutely!

@Whatwouldyoudo24

I did try to expand on it at the time and asked what about it was inappropriate but she just said ‘let’s not get bogged down by that sort of thing, the good news is we are still happy to offer you the job’

I think if she’d been in a full suit I may have felt underdressed, but she definitely wasn’t and I did my research before and feel very confident that my outfit wasn’t too casual. I did take a suit jacket just in case I was wrong but the other interviewees and the hiring manager were all dressed similar to myself so decided I didn’t need it.

This sounds incredible and over the top. Who brings change of clothing/alternative outfit with them to an interview?

The feedback is so unusual that I’m inclined to believe that whatever you were wearing looked out of the ordinary. Perhaps the brightness of the colours? The style? Too informal? Something stood out.

If you feel uneasy about the job, don’t accept the offer. Problem solved.

And generally you don’t get to eye up other interviewees as the timing of interviews generally allow for people to be discrete.

Were you confident there would be an available toilet or facility for you to change outfits?

All sounds rather strange.

You’re incredibly modest if you have to go into the toilet to put on a suit jacket.

She sounds absolutely foul. Obviously you've made the right choice!

@Iamthewombat The PP didn’t say people under 40 don’t wear heels at all, they said people under 40 don’t wear heels to WORK.

Lucky escape OP.