AIBU I’m turning down this job offer?

[Whatwouldyoudo24]

Name change because this would be outing if you knew me!

I recently had a job interview and then the next day, a job offer.

During the call to offer me the job she said she had some feedback for me, and then proceeded to tell me I was dressed ‘very inappropriately for a job interview’. I was wearing a black flower skirt that is just above the knee, a mustard jumper that is high neck and very thick black tights with black flat shoes. I did have my green coat on for part of the tour as it was outside.

I don’t think it was inappropriate at all, it’s something I worn to work previously and have never had anyone say anything negative about it at all. Something about the phone call, the word inappropriate and my gut is making me feel uneasy about accepting the role now but I can’t tell if IABU?

It isn’t a suit industry, the interviewer was wearing black leggings, leather boots and a long top.

Am I being silly or maybe over sensitive? I’ve never been told I’ve dressed inappropriately for anything before so I might just not appreciate it, though usually I’m relatively good at accepting when I’ve made a mistake!

@MyrtlethePurpleTurtle

All the interviewer is saying surely is that aiP is the best candidate for the job but needs to up her sartorial standards

But is unwilling to explain what they are in order to help OP decide whether she can/will meet them

I interview regularly and what someone wears is not what we score ffs. Id be v concerned by her comments. You obviously scored high enough to be offered the job. Id be turning that one down if i were you in your circumstances. What you were wearing sounds perfect and the last post i sat on a panel for had a salary of approx £100k (not london)

How the job market has managed thus far without hyper vigilant MNers and their highly effective twat radars vetting potential opportunities I cannot imagine

Lack of imagination not particularly evident...

Something about the phone call, the word inappropriate and my gut is making me feel uneasy about accepting the role now

Listen to your gut. If you needed the job badly, then maybe it would be worth the risk, but she has already demonstrated to you that she has poor management skills, given her brush off when you asked for more information on what was wrong with what you wore. If it was unimportant to you, you wouldn’t have asked.

Might you want to apply to work there again in future? If so, you can give your very bland reason for not taking the job. If you think it’s unlikely you’d want to work there, you could give genuine feedback that you were concerned that she would give you negative feedback, which she was then unable to justify with a response. What possible reason could there be for giving negative feedback on an interview, without explaining why or what should be changed. The only reasons I can imagine, are that she is a poor manager, or that she wants to make you feel insecure.

She has a point. But she has conveyed it badly. I've interviewed loads and had people turn up in trainers and crumpled t shirts, it screams "I'm not serious about this" regardless of qualifications and experience. It's difficult for women as men can just pop a suit on. Lots of women in admin where I work wear the latest fashion which seems to be cold shoulder tops or those floaty frilly blouses, which is more what you would wear meeting mates for lunch imo.

Take it on the chin and ask her to send you the company dress code so you can wear appropriate attire.

I'm baffled by the suit comments too. I saw a picture of this year's Apprentice contestants recently, they all looked like they had travelled back in time 15 years.

I have no suits, I'm not buying any either. I'm self-employed and get interviewed all the time and regularly get offered work. People judge me on my skills not if they like my jumper.

@NeverDropYourMooncup

I'd probably decline on the grounds that the person making the call had advised me my clothing was very inappropriate and had pressurised me to give an instant acceptance, so, upon reflection, I had concluded that the company culture was not one I would be comfortable with.

That way, they know exactly what was said.

I agree with this, the person who spoke to you about your ‘inappropriate’ attire was massively inappropriate herself. I’ve been interviewing for years, and never commented on what a candidate was wearing. Because it’s not appropriate! Having read your update that you’ll be refusing the post, I’d give the company feedback as above. By email, quoting exactly what was said. Look elsewhere, OP, and good luck to you.

@RasputinsPickledPenis

I had an interview where I was made to fill out an application form on what was essentially a coffee table. The woman interviewing me complained because she could see down my top as I lent over to write. I was wearing a smart top- it wouldn't have happened if the table wasn't so low!

Sounds rather Men In Black.

@MichelleScarn

l did try to expand on it at the time and asked what about it was inappropriate but she just said ‘let’s not get bogged down by that sort of thing, the good news is we are still happy to offer you the job’

Ooo that makes it even worse to me, you've done this bad thing, but we won't tell you what, but look how nice we are still letting you in...

This struck me immediately. She sounds a bit of a bully to me.

@Pieminster

OP thinks she was smart enough. Myself and others think she was too casual. OP, you were wearing clothes you wear to work every day. You should have upped your game, that's what the interviewer was saying I think. She was weird to say it esp when offering you a job but why won't you listen to anyone saying you were too casual? Because you were. Accept it

Op was very rationale and fact-based in comparing her level of casual to other people's outfits.. "It was a bit too casual" would also have been really easy, clear feedback for the interviewer to give, and that feedback was not given.

You know nothing about the industry nor have you actually seen the outfit.

And yet you are utterly sure you know better than OP what was going on..... what arrogance!

Yeah she sounds like a crap manager. I would suggest bringing it up one more time. Something like:

"Before anything else, I just wanted to clarify something because it's been playing on my mind. You mentioned that my outfit wasn't appropriate, but didn't go into why. I'd like to understand so I know what I'd need to adjust to fit in with the company culture. Could you give me some specific feedback, because right now I'm just a little confused, as I thought my outfit was similar to everyone else's".

If she just had a bad/stupid day and either apologises or gives you reasonable, constructive feedback, then I guess you could go ahead with the job.
If she is again vague or if she is defensive/ overly critical in some way, then that would confirm she'd be awful to work for...?

This would be a big alarm bell for me. Not only do I think it was odd to mention it, her follow up response was also very off

I took a job once and had to ring twice chasing up the contract. That was an alarm bell I should have listened to

The job was awful, after a couple of weeks I was ready to leave. So badly ran. I left after six months and then the two managers above me got the sack shortly after

Proceed with caution. I think she would be hard to work for

It would depend how much I wanted / needed the job to be honest. If it was a dream job, great salary, good hours etc then I'd consider it but otherwise I'd run for the hills. I think it's a strange thing to mention in a job offer, if not actually letting you know what you did 'wrong' or what it is they expect.

Can you imagine now that translates to your work. Yes you're not really doing your job correctly but I'm not going to let you know exactly why that is, so you can't improve.

I wouldn't take it. Not with that kind of feedback especially as she is not willing to expand on it when asked. A poor manager indeed.

I agree @UseOfWeapons.

There are very few occasions when it's appropriate. I'm thinking of working in a prison or healthcare where a new worker may not know about the dress requirements. Even then this would not be the way to tackle it.

Depends on the industry but it sounds fine to me, plus she was dressed very casually- more than you.

I would email that in light of the fact that she would be your manager, you'd like to understand how you should be dressing for the role as she said you were very inappropriate. That means her comments to you are also down on an email. See how she responds. Be honest and say it had bothered you.
I do think I'd not take the job but she should be put in a position to justify her comments frankly.
She sounds unprofessional and I would not want to work with her. Is it financial services? I'm wondering if this was my old boss!

@Alonelonelylonersbadidea

Depends on the industry but it sounds fine to me, plus she was dressed very casually- more than you.

I would email that in light of the fact that she would be your manager, you'd like to understand how you should be dressing for the role as she said you were very inappropriate. That means her comments to you are also down on an email. See how she responds. Be honest and say it had bothered you.
I do think I'd not take the job but she should be put in a position to justify her comments frankly.
She sounds unprofessional and I would not want to work with her. Is it financial services? I'm wondering if this was my old boss!

Agree with this. I would phrase it as 'Before I make a decision, I would like to ask for clarification on...'.

I doubt the response will reassure you, though, given the mind games/power play involved in the very vague 'inappropriate' comment followed by the refusal to elaborate.

Leaving aside the issue of whether the clothes were appropriate or not, the concern here is about her management style. She sounds like an old manager I used to work with who was a notorious bully and actually ended up laying hands on one staff member someone on the job. I'm sot saying this woman would take it to this extreme, of course, but her behaviour is that of these self styled pick up artists who neg women they fancy by giving them a small insult. Perhaps she was trying to get you to accept a lower salary? Since you've said you don't need the job, I'd decline. Whether or not you want to give honest feedback about why depends on the size of the industry.

@LovedayCL

It was. I was only young (18//19) so I didn't know what to say. I also really needed a job!

It was for a bar job at a hotel. The hotel featured on The Hotel Inspector a few years ago and she was still a knob.

I can't imagine wearing a skirt and jumper to a job interview. It's nothing to do with how people dress once there to be honest. I would always wear a suit or a dress and jacket.

It sounds like you don't really want the job anyway though so...

@2022success

I can't imagine wearing a skirt and jumper to a job interview. It's nothing to do with how people dress once there to be honest. I would always wear a suit or a dress and jacket.

It sounds like you don't really want the job anyway though so...

The clothes aren't really the point here, the behaviour of the potential employer is...

Run for the hills - if this person will be your manager especially! Go with your gut she sounds like she will be a constant problem

@dafey

It doesn’t matter what the dress code is for the office, and what your interviewers are wearing (unless it’s fashion industry), you wear a suit or at least smart outfit plus suit jacket. It’s an interview, not a day in the office.

I don't own a suit & never had an issue, this sounds very outdated

I agree. Plenty of people turn up for interviews in jeans these days!

@2022success

I can't imagine wearing a skirt and jumper to a job interview. It's nothing to do with how people dress once there to be honest. I would always wear a suit or a dress and jacket.

It sounds like you don't really want the job anyway though so...

I neither own a dress nor a suit. What's wrong with trousers? Having to wear a dress or skirt sounds really outdated!

Anyway OP I would say what you said you would say but instead of mentioning your DH, just say that having thought about it over the weekend it's not the best fit at this time blah.

@JuergenSchwarzwald

I rarely wear skirts actually so for me a suit would be trousers.

As PP have said, this looks less about what OP wore and more about a potential clash between her and her prospective boss.