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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU I’m turning down this job offer?

266 replies

Whatwouldyoudo24 · 15/01/2022 17:45

Name change because this would be outing if you knew me!

I recently had a job interview and then the next day, a job offer.

During the call to offer me the job she said she had some feedback for me, and then proceeded to tell me I was dressed ‘very inappropriately for a job interview’. I was wearing a black flower skirt that is just above the knee, a mustard jumper that is high neck and very thick black tights with black flat shoes. I did have my green coat on for part of the tour as it was outside.

I don’t think it was inappropriate at all, it’s something I worn to work previously and have never had anyone say anything negative about it at all. Something about the phone call, the word inappropriate and my gut is making me feel uneasy about accepting the role now but I can’t tell if IABU?

It isn’t a suit industry, the interviewer was wearing black leggings, leather boots and a long top.

Am I being silly or maybe over sensitive? I’ve never been told I’ve dressed inappropriately for anything before so I might just not appreciate it, though usually I’m relatively good at accepting when I’ve made a mistake!

OP posts:
Whydoesthecatalwaysdothat · 15/01/2022 22:11

Also, no need to explain yourself. Just say that you've had time to consider and have decided that it's not the right fit for you.

I wouldn't bother going above her head to complain. It's pointless.

I guarantee this job will be advertised again within six months.

AlizeeEasy · 15/01/2022 22:12

Overdressing is completely unnecessary. As long as someone is presentable there is no need to wear a suit. A manager I work with once forgot she was conducting interviews that day and had come to work on dress down Friday wearing a Whitney Houston t shirt. I think that gives a better glimpse into the type of environment they would be working in and would hopefully have helped put the candidates at ease

perimenofertility · 15/01/2022 22:13

Good god, unless you are very desperate then turn down the job! If they feel it's acceptable to treat you like this when offering a job, imagine how they will treat you when you work there. Turn it down and put it down to having a lucky escape.

perimenofertility · 15/01/2022 22:15

@Whatwouldyoudo24

If I do decline, I was thinking of just saying something along the lines of ‘Thank you so much for offering me this position, I really enjoyed meeting the team and would like to thank you for taking the time to answer all of my questions. After discussing the offer with my husband I have decided it wouldn’t be the best fit for me at this time, I wish you all the best with future candidates’
This gives the impression that your husband doesn't want you to take the job. Be clear in your message. Explain that the comments on your appearance were inappropriate.
Cam2020 · 15/01/2022 22:21

Always a suit for an interview, regardless of culture once you're an employee.

Redwinestillfine · 15/01/2022 22:27

If you decline tell her why. You were excited about the opportunity but her comment about your outf and reluctance to expand raised a red flag about whe the culture would be a good fit...

WinnersDinner · 15/01/2022 22:28

@Cam2020

Always a suit for an interview, regardless of culture once you're an employee.
Silly comment

Some workplaces would see someone turning up in a suit as the reason to say no

Most creative agencies for example

Pleasebeafleabite · 15/01/2022 22:30

@HyacynthBucket

If you really want the job OP, maybe you can ring them to accept on Monday, and ask them for clarification of the dress code. What you wore to interview does not strike me as particularly appropriate or inappropriate, though you may have veered too much to casual. Comparing your clothes with the other interviewees means nothing - they did not get the job, after all. They want you for youyr skills, so if you want to go, dress a notch up from what you wore for interview, and a notch up from what she wears at work. She may be a bad manager, or just inexperienced and not good with social skills.
This is far too sensible an answer for this thread

OP has to email HR, tweet the CEO and do a Daily Mail sad face at the very least to draw attention to this demeaning experience

How the permanently outraged of MN keep their red flag spidy senses in check long enough to hold down a job for longer than a week I’ll never know

RasputinsPickledPenis · 15/01/2022 22:30

I had an interview where I was made to fill out an application form on what was essentially a coffee table. The woman interviewing me complained because she could see down my top as I lent over to write. I was wearing a smart top- it wouldn't have happened if the table wasn't so low!

MegBusset · 15/01/2022 22:32

"Always a suit for an interview, regardless of culture once you're an employee."

I haven't worn a suit for an interview, or even owned a suit since the mid 1990s. It's just not the thing in my industry. I wear dress/cardi or jumper/skirt according to the season and have a pretty much 100% interview success rate.

I am very picky about line managers and too long in the tooth to put up with any BS like this. Sod that.

Cam2020 · 15/01/2022 22:32

Most creative agencies for example

Funny, I worked for a rather large one in London but never wore one again. It's about demonstrating an awareness of what's appropriate, and an interview is a formal occasion that requires formal dress.

WinnersDinner · 15/01/2022 22:34

@Cam2020

Most creative agencies for example

Funny, I worked for a rather large one in London but never wore one again. It's about demonstrating an awareness of what's appropriate, and an interview is a formal occasion that requires formal dress.

In some industries and for some workplaces

Not all

People should research before the interview. Not just turn up in a suit.

I've never work a suit to anything in my life, and never will most likely

AlbertBridge · 15/01/2022 22:56

That manager does sound like a passive aggressive, snippity, low-key bullying PITA. I bet she's the reason there's a vacancy.

Flickflak · 15/01/2022 23:00

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

AmberArtichoke · 15/01/2022 23:09

You wear a suit or something equally smart and business-like to an interview. End of. I would never dream of employing someone who turned up wearing leggings / trainers or a jumper - it speaks volumes about your attitude towards the job and the company. Regardless of what you would wear once employed, interviews are first impressions and if you're not dressed extremely smartly, more often than not, you'll fail at the first hurdle. Remember these are people who know relatively little about you so far - first impressions count for so much.

ClafoutisSurprise · 15/01/2022 23:12

There are three red flags here:

  1. Giving any sort of negative feedback when making an offer - weird and bound to set things off on a bad note. Candidate is good enough or not, and development needs can be picked up when they start.
  1. ‘Inappropriate’ - it’s a very judgemental term. Puts me in mind of misconduct or seriously poor judgement. I couldn’t work anywhere that thought I was inappropriate in any way. If they really had to raise this, it could have been framed as a ‘this is what you need to know’ comment about the company’s guidelines or expectations on dress. No need for OTT disapproval.
  1. You don’t even know how you went wrong and they wouldn’t tell you when you asked.

That would be too much for me to be comfortable with. I wouldn’t accept.

HotPenguin · 15/01/2022 23:14

I don't think what you were actually wearing is the issue, it's the line managers weirdness. If it was me I would have said "we were really impressed with your interview, though I just wanted to let you know we do have quite a smart dress code" or similar. Why embarrass someone you are trying to hire? You were perhaps not quite smart enough by their standards, but I doubt you were "inappropriate" For me ,"inappropriate' would have been a boob tube/mankini/t-shirt with swear words on.

WinnersDinner · 15/01/2022 23:14

@AmberArtichoke

You wear a suit or something equally smart and business-like to an interview. End of. I would never dream of employing someone who turned up wearing leggings / trainers or a jumper - it speaks volumes about your attitude towards the job and the company. Regardless of what you would wear once employed, interviews are first impressions and if you're not dressed extremely smartly, more often than not, you'll fail at the first hurdle. Remember these are people who know relatively little about you so far - first impressions count for so much.
Except it's not end of

There are some industries and workplaces where wearing a suit is the reason you wouldn't get the job

Odd how many people on here can't seem to understand their experience isn't gospel

2pinkginsplease · 15/01/2022 23:15

Why bring what you were wearing up if she wasn’t willing to discuss it further?

Not sure if I’d want to work for her, she doesn’t sound very professional with not willing to discuss or back up her thoughts.

AmberArtichoke · 15/01/2022 23:15

Ask for a copy of their company policy on dress code. It clearly depends which industry you're in, as they do vary. I'm in teaching and we're very strict. If we expect pupils to dress smartly, which we do, then staff should certainly be expected to set a good example.

InconvenientPeg · 15/01/2022 23:16

What you were wearing is completely irrelevant here.

The crux of it is, she gave you feedback, using an emotive word, and then refused to or couldn't explain.

Total red flag.

Whydoesthecatalwaysdothat · 15/01/2022 23:22

@Cam2020

Most creative agencies for example

Funny, I worked for a rather large one in London but never wore one again. It's about demonstrating an awareness of what's appropriate, and an interview is a formal occasion that requires formal dress.

How long ago was that? Confused
Frazzled50yrold · 15/01/2022 23:28

If this woman was on the interview panel I'd guess she may not have been in favour of you getting the job. Query it with the company and go beyond her, you need clarity on this before you accept or refuse the job.

ihatesoaps · 15/01/2022 23:31

@EarPlugAfficionado

Does sound like someone I’d want to work with. Maybe someone wanted to hire you more than she did (she wanted a different candidate) and now she’s bitter.
My thoughts exactly! Her snide comment is her way of hoping you won't take the job so it will be offered to someone she preferred
Daineseturbo · 15/01/2022 23:50

Yep, Red flag. In this day and age, when people can choose to whatever they want to be, a lot of people working from home wearing pj’s, and Covid coming along and making people reassess what is actually important to them….. does it really matter you were wearing a mustard jumper and flowery skirt? Short version: tell them to get stuffed.