AIBU I’m turning down this job offer?

[Whatwouldyoudo24]

Name change because this would be outing if you knew me!

I recently had a job interview and then the next day, a job offer.

During the call to offer me the job she said she had some feedback for me, and then proceeded to tell me I was dressed ‘very inappropriately for a job interview’. I was wearing a black flower skirt that is just above the knee, a mustard jumper that is high neck and very thick black tights with black flat shoes. I did have my green coat on for part of the tour as it was outside.

I don’t think it was inappropriate at all, it’s something I worn to work previously and have never had anyone say anything negative about it at all. Something about the phone call, the word inappropriate and my gut is making me feel uneasy about accepting the role now but I can’t tell if IABU?

It isn’t a suit industry, the interviewer was wearing black leggings, leather boots and a long top.

Am I being silly or maybe over sensitive? I’ve never been told I’ve dressed inappropriately for anything before so I might just not appreciate it, though usually I’m relatively good at accepting when I’ve made a mistake!

@AlbertBridge

A mustard jumper doesn't sound smart enough for a job interview, to be honest.

What's it like in 1955? Hope the weather's nice.

Fucksake.

I would decline the job because she sounds bitchy and negative. I think her comment about your appearance was out of order and unnecessary. I would also feedback that her attitude has made you re-think the cultural fit. She deserves to be taken down a peg or two.

She had the job lined up for someone else perhaps but you were the better applicant

It totally sounds like she wanted to give the job to someone else. If she isn't someone you'd be working with and you liked the people you would be working with then I'd take the job. If you'd be working with her then I'd turn it down. And tell them exactly why.

I've attended an interview at one firm twice, several years apart. Second time out of curiosity to see if it was the same guy interviewing. Yes it was. Absolute arsehole vibes, I turned a second interview down both times.

Agreed
Your outfit sounds ok for a casual workplace but definitely Not ok for an interview,

Whats the industry?

I haven't worn a suit to work since about 1998.

Still gainfully employed, and have had several successful interviews in the intervening years.

Omg definitely run OP! Red flags are slapping you in the face.

If you were expected to wear something different for the role then a non insane manager would say:

“We’d love to offer you the role. Just to let you know, the expectation for daily work wear is only neutral colours (or whatever clear rule), I hope that’s doable for you please let me know if you have any questions?”

Also the comments about suits - I work in financial services and no one even wears suits there anymore! If you turned up to an interview in a suit people would think you were massively lame. It’s all about chic combos or dresses and cool oversized blazers!

Some people on this thread seem to have only just woken up from a many decades long sleep judging by some of the responses! I don't know anyone who would wear a suit to an interview!

You don’t want to work for her!
But I’m also happy to understand that they may have just wanted everyone suited up, though none of the interviewees were at all, one person was wearing red chinos and a jumper and another a floral dress with black tights. but no other candidates did either so clearly management here either don’t understand the reputation their company has or the industry they are hiring in, either way another big red flag.
I would send the accurate feedback suggested above in your refusal. I’ve never accepted a job interview on the spot. Even if I’m super keen ‘That sounds great, I’m excited about this, please send through a formal offer and a contract for me to look at.’

Decline the offer in writing and say precisely why (the person making the offer took it upon themselves to express a view about your personal appearance without being willing to provide any reason for their views and then was dismissive when you quite reasonably asked - in the context of you being asked to consider whether you would accept their offer - for them to explain their position. Send it to the top of the organisation.

You've dodged a bullet.

I agree that she probably had another candidate in mind but was overruled. She did not fancy you working for her and I think would be happy for you to decline so they can offer quickly to her candidate. That is why she put pressure on you to accept (or not). Either way, she is a nightmare manager and don't waste your time there.

@RasputinsPickledPenis

I had an interview where I was made to fill out an application form on what was essentially a coffee table. The woman interviewing me complained because she could see down my top as I lent over to write. I was wearing a smart top- it wouldn't have happened if the table wasn't so low!

Her saying that was incredibly inappropriate!

I’d definitely turn this down, especially as she’d be your manager.

‘Inappropriate’ is quite a shaming term, particularly given she couldn’t explain why. Not a great indicator for her management or communication ability. It reminds me of those recent threads about ‘pickup artists’ (stay with me here ) - the thing about a compliment bookended with a vague insult.

Depending on the likelihood I’d want to work in or with people from that company in future, I’d email feedback to her and the interview team / recruiter too. Something along the lines of thanking them for their time and the offer, you enjoyed finding out more about the company and role, meeting them etc.. however found the comment about your appearance concerning, given no specifics were provided.

The fact that OP (who knows the industry!) thought it was appropriate, the other applicants and the interviewer were all wearing more casual clothes would suggest the outfit was fine.

And even if it wasn't, saying it was "very inappropriate" is completely overblown. If it were truly "very inappropriate" she wouldn't have been offered the job because it would have raised concerns about her judgement, ability to read the room, experience, cultural fit etc. The time to raise it if it is a genuine concern is during the induction, highlighting the policy and showing by example what dress is considered "appropriate", not the way the recruiter did it. It definitely reads like a power play, and if she's at that now god knows what she'd be like to work for.

Expectations over work attire have changed even from I graduated in 2010. Post covid, when my colleagues and I go into the office we almost all wear jeans unless we've got a meeting set up; even male colleagues only tend to wear a suit if we're seeing clients. I go out to all sorts of companies and whilst I revert back to my pre-covid outfits of plain elbow length t shirts and black ankle length trousers for those, I can't remember the last business I visited where anyone wore a suit or formal business attire.

OP I would be honest about how her comments and lack of clarity made you feel and that it's had a part to play in turning down the position, unless it's a small/niche industry. If it's a fairly generic role let rip I say, CC in who you can. Just feedback isn't it, just like the interviewer was giving you

Red flag. She didn't just use the word inappropriately, she said very inappropriately. Then when pressed wouldn't explain.

If she would be your manager I definitely would take the job. She sounds awful. 1. On giving that feedback at all while offering the job 2. Even worse not proving specifics after giving negative feedback which leaves a person not understanding where they went wrong. And that rude, dismissive comment "oh let's not get in to all that" would have been the veil in the coffin fir her. A shitty or good manager can make or break a job.

How the permanently outraged of MN keep their red flag spidy senses in check long enough to hold down a job for longer than a week I’ll never know

Ridiculous comment.

It would be far worse to take a job where it's clear from the get-go that the recruiting manager is demeaning and patronising to the candidate, then gives mixed messages by offering them the job. And failing to be clear about the supposed dress-code faux pas. Clumsy is being generous, controlling and cryptic more like.

The OP's instincts are not lying. Never ignore your spidey senses, they're what keep you from danger (evolutionary-wise).

I can’t believe how many people are saying always wear a suit . I remember a guy who interviewed at my previous company a few years ago in a suit - people still never let him live it down. Literally no one cares what anyone wears in my industry (tech) it’s about whether you actually have the skills to do the job and get results.

Of course if you’re customer-facing (sales, etc) it makes sense, but come on guys. Suits for every job?! As someone who now hires I’d honestly think you were a bit naive and would worry you hadn’t had a new job since 1995.

How the permanently outraged of MN keep their red flag spidy senses in check long enough to hold down a job for longer than a week I’ll never know

It’s not about holding down a job, is it? It’s about the hiring manager being weird before the OP has accepted the job, so she can decide to say no based on it. I don’t think she needs spidey senses here, just a twat radar.

It didn’t have this on the back did it, OP? 🤔

@Mummadeze

I would decline the job because she sounds bitchy and negative. I think her comment about your appearance was out of order and unnecessary. I would also feedback that her attitude has made you re-think the cultural fit. She deserves to be taken down a peg or two.

This

I think you have an insight into what worker for her would be like. You are uneasy. Listen to your feelings and decline it

It’s not about holding down a job, is it? It’s about the hiring manager being weird before the OP has accepted the job, so she can decide to say no based on it. I don’t think she needs spidey senses here, just a twat radar

How the job market has managed thus far without hyper vigilant MNers and their highly effective twat radars vetting potential opportunities I cannot imagine

As an aside, how do we know the OPs high neck jumper wasn’t tight ribbed fine gauge material showing every bra line and her nips? Or short sleeve showing a full tattoo sleeve? Both would be “very inappropriate” at interview