AIBU I’m turning down this job offer?

[Whatwouldyoudo24]

Name change because this would be outing if you knew me!

I recently had a job interview and then the next day, a job offer.

During the call to offer me the job she said she had some feedback for me, and then proceeded to tell me I was dressed ‘very inappropriately for a job interview’. I was wearing a black flower skirt that is just above the knee, a mustard jumper that is high neck and very thick black tights with black flat shoes. I did have my green coat on for part of the tour as it was outside.

I don’t think it was inappropriate at all, it’s something I worn to work previously and have never had anyone say anything negative about it at all. Something about the phone call, the word inappropriate and my gut is making me feel uneasy about accepting the role now but I can’t tell if IABU?

It isn’t a suit industry, the interviewer was wearing black leggings, leather boots and a long top.

Am I being silly or maybe over sensitive? I’ve never been told I’ve dressed inappropriately for anything before so I might just not appreciate it, though usually I’m relatively good at accepting when I’ve made a mistake!

@user1641832968632486258

asked what about it was inappropriate but she just said ‘let’s not get bogged down by that sort of thing, the good news is we are still happy to offer you the job’

Oh hell no, I wouldn't want to work for someone who engaged in that kind of bullshit.

Either it's important enough to bring up with you, in which case she should also explain in specific terms so you can address the concerns - or it is not important and she should not have said anything. That is not constructive feedback, it's a put down.

It just sounds like a power play to make you feel indebted to them just for being made an offer.

Can you imagine what your appraisals would be like working for them? Being criticised without being given useful detail and then told not to make a fuss when you try to gain clarity.

Ugh. No.

This. She would be your manager? HELL NO INDEED.

2 reasons not to accept the job:

1. The critique about your outfit, which sounds absolutely fine.

1. The need to have an immediate response to the offer. Just no. That is inappropriate! They can’t ask that.

Too many red flags - go with your gut.

That would REALLY piss me off.

She criticised you personally by telling you your choice of interview attire was very inappropriate.

When asked to be specific she dismissed your question rudely by telling you not to get bogged down by it?

Really rude and unprofessional of her.

I would be tempted to go over her head and tell HER superior how unprofessional and inappropriate SHE was and that you wouldn't dream of accepting an offer to work with a company who thinks this is how a candidate should be spoken to and treated.

I wouldn't dream of taking the position.

Bullet dodged OP.

Can’t have been that inappropriate if they offered you the job.

I wouldn’t be accepting a job with them.

If you decline make it clear it’s the company culture that means it’s not the right job for you and your skills.

I would not take the job. They criticised you and refused to answer you when you asked for clarification. But expect you to be glad that they are offering you a job. I couldn’t work for someone who plays power games like that.

If you really want the job OP, maybe you can ring them to accept on Monday, and ask them for clarification of the dress code. What you wore to interview does not strike me as particularly appropriate or inappropriate, though you may have veered too much to casual. Comparing your clothes with the other interviewees means nothing - they did not get the job, after all. They want you for youyr skills, so if you want to go, dress a notch up from what you wore for interview, and a notch up from what she wears at work. She may be a bad manager, or just inexperienced and not good with social skills.

I work in a very serious job, and don't even own a full suit anymore. The most I would do is put on a suit jacket over a dress/top and skirt.

From what you've described, there's something going on with that interviewer you are not aware of, as the feedback she gave you was not only cryptic, but gave you no chance to "improve" on whatever the issue was.

If this person is going to be your manager in this role,^^ SHE WILL BE A NIGHTMARE. I'd decline the job, and tell her why, copying in HR so they know too.

I mean there’s two things going on here: a) the dress code and b) her weirdly passive aggressive behaviour.

I do think whatever you think you are going to be wearing day to day you wear a suit. Why wouldn’t you? You can’t get this wrong. The outfit you describe would have been far too casual for the environment I work in and I think not wearing a suit to an interview - or at least well tailored separates — makes it look like you can’t be arsed.

But I think telling you you were dressed inappropriately as she she gives you the offer is fucking weird and a really obvious put down. Why on earth did she do it then? Either it’s an unpleasant culture or she’s trying some head game.

I think not wearing a suit to an interview - or at least well tailored separates — makes it look like you can’t be arsed

I wouldn't expect anyone to wear a suit necessarily to an interview anymore these days. Not everyone can afford one for a start!

@thepeopleversuswork

I mean there’s two things going on here: a) the dress code and b) her weirdly passive aggressive behaviour.

I do think whatever you think you are going to be wearing day to day you wear a suit. Why wouldn’t you? You can’t get this wrong. The outfit you describe would have been far too casual for the environment I work in and I think not wearing a suit to an interview - or at least well tailored separates — makes it look like you can’t be arsed.

But I think telling you you were dressed inappropriately as she she gives you the offer is fucking weird and a really obvious put down. Why on earth did she do it then? Either it’s an unpleasant culture or she’s trying some head game.

Why wouldn't you?

There are many industries where wearing a suit would be a big reason why you wouldn't get the job

That's why

I feel for posters on here, so many seem stuck in the 80's

Different industries and different cultures have different dress codes but from your description of your outfit, the interviewer’s outfit and those of employees you saw around the building I fail to see how your look could be considered “very inappropriate”. If this woman would be your manager I strongly recommend you turn the job down - I know the type! No need to go into reasons when you call.

She sounds like a rude bitch. I'd definitely turn the job down. Sounds like she would be a nightmare to work for.

Please, do not mention your husband when you reply though. You need to own it.

Always trust your gut. Don't ignore. I've made that mistake many times. I don't think it's appropriate for them to say that to you!

I think I'd feel the same way. Is this a sign of what they are really like. It is very odd but I'd ne tempted to ring her back and just what about your outfit was inappropriate? It's an odd comment to make and I'm not entirely sure I'd want to work for them

The hiring manager sounds like a control freak. Could it be that the other people you saw in the office report to someone else. If it were me I wouldn’t take the job though to be honest. She could be trouble and you are already getting a hint if this.

I agree with the poster who said maybe she had her eye on another candidate but was outvoted so is being passive aggressive.

I would definitely give feedback if asked though about being taken aback by what she said to you.

I’d decline. I’d also tell her why in writing. She is very rude.

@Whatwouldyoudo24

If I do decline, I was thinking of just saying something along the lines of ‘Thank you so much for offering me this position, I really enjoyed meeting the team and would like to thank you for taking the time to answer all of my questions. After discussing the offer with my husband I have decided it wouldn’t be the best fit for me at this time, I wish you all the best with future candidates’

I wouldn't say any of that OP. It sounds much too subservient, that's exactly how she wants to make you feel.

I'd say:

Thanks for the job offer but I'm going to decline as I've received another offer that I'm going to accept as it's a better fit for my career path.

Don't give her any inclin that her comment upset you, and don't apologise or explain your decision. She means nothing to you. Just tell her in no uncertain terms indirectly that you didn't get a good impression of the company from her.

I can never understand people being like that when they're trying to attract a new candidate to want to work there , they are clearly delusional and slow on the uptake that the candidate isn't a prisoner who is forced to stay where they aren't wanted, they can spin on their heels and walk away.

I was offered a job by my potential manager who waffled on for 20 minutes about the role, herself, future plans etc whilst I struggled to a word in edgeways. I'm not sure I actually officially accepted the role! I should have seen the massive red flag as I spent the next 3 years listening to her waffling on with self importance before I finally pulled myself together and handed my notice in!!

I'd probably decline on the grounds that the person making the call had advised me my clothing was very inappropriate and had pressurised me to give an instant acceptance, so, upon reflection, I had concluded that the company culture was not one I would be comfortable with.

That way, they know exactly what was said.

@RoomOfRequirement

It doesn't sound very interview appropriate from your description, but they clearly still want you so if you think the job would be good for you I wouldn't let it put me off! I think there's a difference in what I'd wear at an interview vs what I'd wear once in the position.

This

I would probably wear a suit jacket to an interview (even if I took it off as soon as I sat down), but I have never worn a full suit or "well tailored separates" and I have not had a shortage of job offers. In fact for every job interview for jobs I have been offered I have worn shoes with bright red flowers on - they're now my lucky interview shoes. I do usually keep my appearance sober-ish for interviews but at most it's surely "a little underdressed" not "very inappropriate" - and it wouldn't bother me at all if I were interviewing you. Agree with the other posters where it makes them nervous.

I have a fantastic boss now, as is my boss's boss. In my previous job the bosses were horrendous. My current job is probably technically more stressful than the old one but I'm like a different human because I don't have a terrible manager.

@NeverDropYourMooncup

I'd probably decline on the grounds that the person making the call had advised me my clothing was very inappropriate and had pressurised me to give an instant acceptance, so, upon reflection, I had concluded that the company culture was not one I would be comfortable with.

That way, they know exactly what was said.

I think this is exactly the right thing to say. In an email, with HR copied in.

Hell would have to freezer over for me to accept that job after that comment!

Seriously, what the hell was that comment about if she can't even back it up? I can guarantee you will have problems with this one if you accept.

Twice in the past, the person interviewing me was rude. One was laughing at something I'd put on my CV (not in a nice way) and the other one told me to stop reading my CV that was in front of him and upside down to me. I got the job in both cases and both of them were bosses from hell. I never ignore my gut feeling now...