AIBU I’m turning down this job offer?

[Whatwouldyoudo24]

Name change because this would be outing if you knew me!

I recently had a job interview and then the next day, a job offer.

During the call to offer me the job she said she had some feedback for me, and then proceeded to tell me I was dressed ‘very inappropriately for a job interview’. I was wearing a black flower skirt that is just above the knee, a mustard jumper that is high neck and very thick black tights with black flat shoes. I did have my green coat on for part of the tour as it was outside.

I don’t think it was inappropriate at all, it’s something I worn to work previously and have never had anyone say anything negative about it at all. Something about the phone call, the word inappropriate and my gut is making me feel uneasy about accepting the role now but I can’t tell if IABU?

It isn’t a suit industry, the interviewer was wearing black leggings, leather boots and a long top.

Am I being silly or maybe over sensitive? I’ve never been told I’ve dressed inappropriately for anything before so I might just not appreciate it, though usually I’m relatively good at accepting when I’ve made a mistake!

Yeah - I don't like 'very inappropriate', when it seems you were at worst a bit too far down the 'casual' end of 'smart-casual': 'very inappropriate' would've been jeans and a hoodie, or a playsuit and stilettos or something, I dunno.

That said, I don't think it helps that the other candidates were even more casual, because they weren't offered the position and perhaps that's partly why. I also agree that you should've gone smarter than what the existing employees were wearing. That's not the yardstick for an interview.

Mind you, nothing has tickled me as much as wearing a 'day dress and pretty cardi' to a waitressing interview. Waitressing is tough. Using your leg to shove heavy bags into a skip, with 'bin juice' leaking out. Sweeping and mopping at one am after a busy shift. Lugging cases of lager up the cellar steps. 'Pretty cardi'. Excellent.

I think she was dressed far more inappropriately! For those saying the OP should have worn a suit, shouldn't the interviewer have also worn a suit, then?

I wouldn't work for that woman, OP, but I think I'd have to say something more about the clothing issue in the letter rejecting the job.

"I enjoyed the interview and felt I would fit in well with the other staff. However I was upset when you said that I was inappropriately dressed. I don't believe I was dressed differently to the other staff or applicants and in fact I think as interviewer you were dressed more casually than I was. When you wouldn't explain what you meant, you made me feel very uncomfortable. For that reason I won't be accepting your job offer."

I’d run a mile. If this is how they speak to you when you aren’t even in the job, I can only imagine how they will speak and treat you once you are in.

If she’ll say things like that to you then you’ve just had a taste of what it would be like if you joined the company. Definitely turn down! I once was rejected from a job but the way the man screamed at me after I queried a question he’d asked me in the interview meant I instantly felt glad I’d been rejected. Sometimes you just have to go with your gut.

I don’t think a flowery skirt and mustard jumper is appropriate interview wear
Depends on the industry. I work in fashion and we’d probably never employ someone who suited up for interview: it would be inappropriate interview wear.

I wouldn’t take this job, OP. Not only the initial comment, but the refusal to expand on it – your potential new manager likes playing mind games.

I would definitely be turning the job down and I would be telling them the reason why something along the lines of ‘unfortunately I will not be accepting the position as it concerns me after our last phone call with how any problems that may arise would be dealt with going forward. Thank you and good luck finding the right person for the position’.

Without seeing the clothing no one can say if it was really appropiate. I have two tunic tops - one is very business style and the other cut/fabric is much more casual

Depends on the industry and actual job. I think your outfit was too loud and casual, but then again it depends on the job role itself.

Imagine your appraisal with her? You'd be told you weren't doing your job properly but never mind, they'd keep you on. And when you asked what you'd done wrong you wouldn't get a straight answer.

I work in a formal profession so would always wear a jacket to interview someone and everyone I interview would wear a jacket but times are definitely changing, the days of the full on suit seem to be numbered.

It doesn’t sound at all like your outfit was “very inappropriate” and I’d really really question why they felt the need to say this whilst making a job offer and then failed to tell you specifically what was meant. It sounds like a put down/power play move to me so I think you’re absolutely be right to be very cautious. It’s very odd, imho after going through the hassle of a recruitment process and finding someone appointable as a recruiter you’re desperate for them to accept.

I think I’d lean to turning it down or as PP suggested asking for a meeting to discuss the role so you can find out more about this person.
If you do turn it down I might consider saying that you were a bit taken aback by the very inappropriate comment and the refusal to clarify it and you’ve concluded it wouldn’t be a good fit.

I'd agree you should email to turn down the job and explain why, but don't just email the interviewer, copy it to their HR and/or senior manager so your feedback doesn't get "lost".

Am at the posters declaring how this isn't appropriate for an interview

The outfit sounds far more professional than any interview outfit I've ever worn, for my role casual is fine. I'm a snr manager in a FTSE10 company but wear jeans and nice jumpers, so a skirt with jumper and tights sounds fine.

I'd turn the role down and say exactly why, none of this 'not the right fit' bullshit. They need to get that feedback.

YANBU

@ChiaraRimini

I'd agree you should email to turn down the job and explain why, but don't just email the interviewer, copy it to their HR and/or senior manager so your feedback doesn't get "lost".

Yes, definitely cc people in.

The outfit seems to be generating an inordinate amount of discussion. It’s a shame you didn’t post a headless photo like the Style & Beauty threads so we could appraise your sartorial choices objectively. 😂

I had a weird experience with a role I applied for. I was invited for an informal chat with the recruiter before the formal interview. The informal chat involved asking me discriminatory questions like was I planning to have children soon. 🤔 I went back for the formal panel interview just for the interview practice, though I already knew it was going to be a shit place to work & would decline any offer. The recruiter was as good as gold with the HR rep present on the panel. On the informal visit, I’d been able to loiter in the main office and the staff gave off a weird defeated vibe. I subsequently got a job in a different department in the same organisation and heard horror stories about the recruiter through the grapevine. He was notoriously awful. Even if he hadn’t asked illegal questions in the shady informal interview, the demeanour of his team had already tripped my sensors. Sometimes you just know, even if you can’t put it into words.

Go with your gut on this one OP. You posted for a reason.

During the summer I wore a beautiful expensive summer dress to an interview. Unbeknownst to me it was completely see through when the sun shone. It wasn’t as if we just sat down either, we had a tour of wonderful bespoke architecture and courtyard. On a very sunny day. If I could be bothered, I would probably be embarrassed. Anyway I might have dodged a bullet as the Head of Department stated that he “took no prisoners” four times.

Honestly sounds like a red flag to me. I think she was putting you in your place if that makes sense, and she'd be awful to work for.
I once had a nightmare, where the interviewer picked holes in my CV, laughed at a previous job (a researcher for a political party) and was scornful about my arts degree. I thought he was a tosser, so was polite but assertive back to him. They offered me the job, and I turned it down... (tbh because I'd been successful at another interview where they were professional and it suited me better) Tosser then mouthed off to the recruitment consultant who'd arranged the interview and got his boss (director) to complain as well.

Years later, interviewed for a post & really liked the company... Final question was "if we offer you the position, will you accept it?" suddenly realised the familiar name was the director at previous company...
My answer was "if I accept the position, I can guarantee I will take the job",
Worked there for years and he agreed tosser bloke was a tosser, apparently he couldn't keep staff... No wonder

Always trust your instincts

She sounds crackers, if it’s not a job you particularly need, I’d avoid it. As PPs say, I’d also mention at the end of your email you were startled to have your clothes criticised, and you thought it worth noting as it may be off putting to future candidates etc.

It’s important to note that for other people’s sake.

I don’t know whether what you were wearing was appropriate for that work place or not, but you weren’t dressed oddly. If someone turned up for an IV with me in something we wouldn’t want people wearing, I’d just note as a side comment eg we’re quite a casual office but we don’t allow vest tops - but fitted t shirts are fine (or whatever)

In answer to your question, your life, your rules. It wouldn’t be a deal breaker for though. Also, if the money/position etc was worth I would go for it.

All the interviewer is saying surely is that aiP is the best candidate for the job but needs to up her sartorial standards

And yet the interviewer was wearing leggings and a long top - I consider what the OP was wearing to be more appropriate than that!

Alarm bells would be ringing for me and I would politely decline and tell them I didn't feel I would be a good fit for their culture.

"Thank you for the interview and the subsequent offer of employment. On reflection, however, I don't think I will be a good fit for the [sartorial] expectations of the organisation, and I wish the successful candidate all the best of luck in their new role."

(Subtext - they're going to need it.)

I can't help wondering what feedback they gave to the other candidate in the flowery dress, and the person in the red chinos, and it really did make me think of a few scenes in the Devil Wears Prada...

It sounds to me that the message is not to wear that skirt or jumper (together or separately) at work. Which doesn’t tie up with your description of what everyone else wears. This is an ambiguous start, and I dare say you’ll get more confusing feedback about items of clothing if you work for them.

Seriously backwards in this day and age of freedom of expression, individuality, let alone working from home (read: pyjama bottom) culture.

What she was wearing is irrelevant really.
You always dress smarter for an interview than you do for work.

However if they thought it was that inappropriate they shouldn’t have offered you the job so unless it’s an amazing opportunity I would be turning it down.

Another possibility is that this woman really wanted to give the job to someone else (a friend?) but was outvoted by the rest of the team, so she just wanted some excuse to say something negative to you.

It’s a red flag to me the way she raised it but then didn’t give you any useful information. If it had been raised and then she told you about the office dress code that would be one thing but this is like being told off rather than anything constructive.

I did once get feedback from a manager while being offered a job that she didn’t think I should get it, but the other interviewing manager did and had overruled her I took many steps to make sure I was never in her team.

Were you interviewed by a panel?

I had really odd feedback when offered a job once and in hindsight it’s clearly because the person making the call, and who would be my manager, was outvoted in picking the candidate. She was hellish to work for.