AIBU I’m turning down this job offer?

[Whatwouldyoudo24]

Name change because this would be outing if you knew me!

I recently had a job interview and then the next day, a job offer.

During the call to offer me the job she said she had some feedback for me, and then proceeded to tell me I was dressed ‘very inappropriately for a job interview’. I was wearing a black flower skirt that is just above the knee, a mustard jumper that is high neck and very thick black tights with black flat shoes. I did have my green coat on for part of the tour as it was outside.

I don’t think it was inappropriate at all, it’s something I worn to work previously and have never had anyone say anything negative about it at all. Something about the phone call, the word inappropriate and my gut is making me feel uneasy about accepting the role now but I can’t tell if IABU?

It isn’t a suit industry, the interviewer was wearing black leggings, leather boots and a long top.

Am I being silly or maybe over sensitive? I’ve never been told I’ve dressed inappropriately for anything before so I might just not appreciate it, though usually I’m relatively good at accepting when I’ve made a mistake!

No I would not accept the job. Alarm bells are ringing- I think basically you are being offered the job and you are also being tested in a way. If you accept the job you’re also accepting being treated as a child and that’s how you’ll be treated in the role.

I would decline the offer without giving a reason.

I don’t think it’s an appropriate outfit for an interview.

And while people are saying she had a cheek saying it, I guarantee you the panel will have mentioned it when discussing who to give the job to.

Because interview panels discuss candidates, both the good and the bad aspects of them.

In fact I would go so far as to say that if you were equal to another candidate who was dressed smartly then you wouldn’t have been offered the job based on how you presented at interview.

The fact that she swerved giving a response when you asked for clarification would be the thing that concerned me. If this is indicative of her management style then working for her would be a nightmare!

Definitely agree with the no votes, and also the PP who said it was more of a put down than constructive criticism.

If they are nitpicking about this without an adequate explanation before you've even started they are probably going to be a hell of a lot worse to work for.

Is it in a school by any chance?

@gwenneh

You’ve just had a preview of the company culture. It does not get better from there.

That would be enough to turn a job down for me. I’ve ignored red flags like that in the past and I’ve learned from them.

Agree. Run, don’t walk. As she wouldn’t expand, it was a put down, not feedback. Designed to undermine you without giving you any recourse to discuss or information to improve. They’ve shown you what they are like. It’d be a definite ‘no thanks’ from me.

I think you should ask if you could have a half hour meeting to discuss some further questions about the role in general, before you accept.

You need to get more of an idea as to whether she’s somebody you could work with or not. I would be cautious - I accepted a senior role working for somebody who had come across like a narcissistic control freak during my interviews, and they were even worse in real life !

@FangsForTheMemory

I think the fact that she would tell you this when offering you the job is extremely odd. I wouldn't take the job. I have had alarm bells ring at interviews before and the one time I took the job in spite of my misgivings, I was very sorry I did.

I agree.

If I do decline, I was thinking of just saying something along the lines of ‘Thank you so much for offering me this position, I really enjoyed meeting the team and would like to thank you for taking the time to answer all of my questions. After discussing the offer with my husband I have decided it wouldn’t be the best fit for me at this time, I wish you all the best with future candidates’

Don't mention your husband! Just say after considering your offer I have decided...

I wouldn't bother with the husband bit, that's irrelevant. Just say you don't think you're a good fit but thanks for the time and opportunity and best of luck for the future. And run free into the night.

To say the way you were dressed was 'very inappropriate' is quite a specific way of putting it. If you hadn't described your outfit I would have been imagining a mini skirt, crop top or something showing lots of cleavage.

If she meant 'wasn't really as smart as we would usually expect for an interview' (regardless of how other employees were dressed), then I would say it was fair enough and maybe you should take it on the chin. I wouldn't personally wear what you wore to an interview but I probably work in a different industry.

The way she said it and the fact that she wouldn't expand when you asked for further clarification would really put me off to be honest. As it is, personally I turned down a job when they were weird at the time of the offer, I've since worked for a partner company and know for sure I made the right choice - they are terrible to work for.

It doesn't make sense, if it wasn't smart enough fair enough but say that then. Plus that contradicts the fact she was wearing leggings to an interview

Why on earth would you mention your husband when declining a job offer?

Oh to be honest it was only because when she offered me the position she was looking for an answer right away so I just said I wanted the weekend to discuss it with my husband as it would be a big change in routine for our family! I can easily leave that but out

It doesn’t matter what the dress code is for the office, and what your interviewers are wearing (unless it’s fashion industry), you wear a suit or at least smart outfit plus suit jacket. It’s an interview, not a day in the office.

I don't own a suit & never had an issue, this sounds very outdated

Definitely don't go and work their - she sounds dreadful! Criticising you then refusing to explain.

Just a thought - was the jumper possibly too tight? If not, then I can't think what she may have meant (going by your description). Maybe she just completely made it up, to get in some criticism from the outset to set the tone. People can be evil!

She was weird to say it esp when offering you a job but why won't you listen to anyone saying you were too casual? Because you were. Accept it

I don't think so

There isn't a law that says interviewees must dress more smartly than standard employees. If your clothes weren't against the dress code of the company she has absolutely no business bringing it up as inappropriate even if she personally thinks you should have worn something smarter, and I think it speaks volumes about the sort of manager she would be if she thinks it's appropriate to nitpick like that or comment on what you wear when not breaking any formal regulations.

@Whatwouldyoudo24

If I do decline, I was thinking of just saying something along the lines of ‘Thank you so much for offering me this position, I really enjoyed meeting the team and would like to thank you for taking the time to answer all of my questions. After discussing the offer with my husband I have decided it wouldn’t be the best fit for me at this time, I wish you all the best with future candidates’

No, own the decision yourself, don't involve anyone else in.

Think you've dodged a bullet btw

Having said that, is it a very traditional/oldfashioned environment?

the fact she was wearing leggings says no

Also the setting makes a huge difference. I interviewed for an SEN school where you're required to roll around on the floor, I wore my usual clothing (was there as agency staff) of leggings, flats, but a slightly nicer dress. One person turned up in a suit and looked ridiculous, not even SLT dressed that way

Is it a school?

@user1641832968632486258

asked what about it was inappropriate but she just said ‘let’s not get bogged down by that sort of thing, the good news is we are still happy to offer you the job’

Oh hell no, I wouldn't want to work for someone who engaged in that kind of bullshit.

Either it's important enough to bring up with you, in which case she should also explain in specific terms so you can address the concerns - or it is not important and she should not have said anything. That is not constructive feedback, it's a put down.

It just sounds like a power play to make you feel indebted to them just for being made an offer.

Can you imagine what your appraisals would be like working for them? Being criticised without being given useful detail and then told not to make a fuss when you try to gain clarity.

Ugh. No.

Agree with this. You can't tell someone they dressed inappropriately then not tell them why.

I wouldn't take the job OP. That would really put me off.

Pre-Covid this wasn't something I'd wear for an interview. Now, I do many online interviews and everyone is less formal.

It would put me off the company too.

if the company dress code was casual (jeans, t-shirts, trainers etc), then someone coming to an interview wearing a business suit could be seen as being dressed inappropriately and potentially not fitting in with company culture.