Am I justifiably pissed off?

[weekfour]

Friend has been eternally single. We are both 40's and it just reached the point where she'd lived to her own rules for so long that she struggles to share her space with men and things fizzle out.

I'm married with 3dc. Me and husband both have full time, full on jobs. She's always wanted to be a mum and had talked about finding a sperm donor.

Last year she unexpected fell pregnant. Was over the moon and has had the baby. She co-parents 50/50 with the father who is very engaged. She works three days a week.

Last week we catastrophically fell out and I'm still quite annoyed. I want to know if I'm being unreasonable or not...
We were having dinner in a larger group of women. During the dinner we were talking about exercising. She said she can't exercise. I said, course you can. I mentioned that some gyms have creches. She then spat back at me 'we don't all have husband's knocking about to pick up the slack'. She then went on to tell me that I 'made her feel like shit' with my 'perfect life'.
Another friend then tried to intervene and she told her that she looks down on her.

I'm so frustrated. I feel guilty for having a partner. And also annoyed, she actually has really good help because babies Dad wants to and does 50%. I always try to make accomodations for her being on her own. She could go to the bloody gym if she had the inclination, she just isn't making it a priority.

This isn't the first snipe she's taken like this.

We've now not spoken for a week. It's such a shame because we've been friends for so long and usually support each other well. IABU to still be angry?

Also, I don't know what to do. I hate the confrontation but at the same time I'm sick of her thinking she can speak to me like this.

She’s entered into an arrangement willingly like this so it’s a bit rich to turn around and complain about it

You said the above. I asked you why couples are allowed to complain about arrangements they willing,y enter but single parents aren’t. You said

Of course single mothers deserve support, but I just dont think she fits into the category of a usual single mother

Therefore single mothers who aren’t ‘usual single mothers’ don’t deserve support?

@Sowhatifiam

Just because I don’t think she fits into the category of a usual single mother, doesn’t mean I don’t think she needs support. I do think it means she can’t turn around and complain to OP about her perfect life as though this pregnancy and situation fell on her / she did plan to have a child in this scenario. She still deserves support hit that doesn’t mean she’s a victim of circumstance re being a single parent. It was optional.

But you quite clear,y said single mother ps deserve support, just not those who are not ‘usual single mothers’. I mean, what does that even mean?

She is still allowed to be fed up with how it worked out, even if she’s not ‘usual’. . She’s still allowed to feel stressed and depressed. She’s still allowed to wish she had made other choices. Good friends don’t judge. Good friends attempt to understand what might be going on for someone after such an outburst. The number of people here who presume she can just go to the gym without looking at the broader picture is staggering.

@Sowhatifiam

Ok I actually see how you’ve interpreted my comment - I did not mean to phrase it like that. ALL mothers need support: this particular mother I don’t think should be complaining about her lot as a single mother as she chose it. She still deserves support; to clarify. Also yes of course she can complain, but the nature of her complaints to OP were not correct, in my opinion.

Maybe she can’t go to the gym but she could do home work out, if that was something that was important to her. Although I suspect that OP as her friend would know if her schedule meant gym was possible. Eg if she doesn’t work and has financial security and the father takes the baby 50% of the time why couldn’t she, if she wanted to?

So by that logic no mother can ever complain about her child, her experiences of motherhood because she chose it?

Although I suspect that OP as her friend would know if her schedule meant gym was possible. Eg if she doesn’t work and has financial security and the father takes the baby 50% of the time

Yeah, loads of people assume stuff about people without actually knowing. The friend may have been reaching out for support and was slapped down by the OP without any consideration of the potential wider picture.

@Sowhatifiam

It’s about context though isn’t? You are just being deliberately argumentative - it’s what she said to the OP, not her having complaints. It’s her targeted attack at the OP for the OP’s life. She hasn’t said “my life is hard” “I’m finding motherhood hard” she’s said “you and your perfect life” and that OP has a husband so it’s all fine.

Maybe she meant financially she can't afford to. I work 3 days a week, imma single mum, I can't afford a gym, especially a gym and crech. I get why your annoyed but sometimes I don't think women in relationships appreciate life is hard as a single parent and we inevitable live very different lives to those in a partnership