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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DB wants half his ex's house

255 replies

username103842 · 14/01/2022 16:38

DB was with his partner for the last 6 years. She has been very successful career wise and earns a high salary and had her own house before they met. Despite working himself (he earns about half what his ex does) he just moved in and did not pay a single bill in the whole 6 years. He did buy some furniture occasionally but other than that she paid for everything.

She split up with him a few month ago and he is now back at our parents house. He could rent his own place but it has dawned after all his bills he wouldn't have much left. He actually would have more than many I think he is so use to have his whole wage he has got a shock.

Anyway with encouragement of my parents he has decided he is going to see a solicitor to get half of her house Confused. I don't have a clue of the legalities and doubt he will get anywhere. I try not to get involved in it all but I'm getting daily phones calls from him and my parents about it. Which is driving me mad so I have stopped answering most of them.

I know this isn't actually any of my business so please don't start with them comments. I feel like I am forced to be involved when I actually want to say it's wrong. I suppose the only reason I am asking AIBU to think that way is when you thinking of other situations like when a cohabiting couple have children and the mother doesn't work/contribute financial to the house. I certainly wouldn't feel the same in that circumstance.

OP posts:
Dillydollydingdong · 14/01/2022 19:57

He's got zero chance. Complete waste of time.

Mellowyellow222 · 14/01/2022 20:01

OP has he found a solicitor who no is willing to pursue this

My friend tried this years ago - but she had a child with her partner and had put a new kitchen into the house. She still didn’t get anything.

Thevoiceofreason2021 · 14/01/2022 20:01

What a water if time and money. He’d be better off using that money for a deposit

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 14/01/2022 20:05

Sadly in my experience there are however some solicitors who would be prepared to take his case on and waste his money on an apparently hopeless case.

Good! It’s what the grabby little prick deserves!

Crimeismymiddlename · 14/01/2022 20:07

Your parents must be very worried they are stuck with him forever. Let him waste money on a solicitor, after bank rolling your brother for six years she deserves a good laugh. He is entitled to nothing, it’s her house, he paid not a single bill, improvement or into the mortgage.
I know a women, who on breaking up with her jobless boyfriend received legal letters from him-paid for by his parents demanding half her savings, that he had not contributed to as he felt, due to the fact they had lived together he was entitled to, he never thought he was entitled to pay half the rent or bills though-they were her problem. I think the first one gave her a fright and she took legal advice, which was of course to ignore the stupid ignorant man.

mowglika · 14/01/2022 20:15

I’d tell your parents that if he goes down that route she will probably counter sue and get the bills and housing payments he should have contributed towards! It won’t happen of course but that may stop them hassling you

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/01/2022 20:21

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

Sadly in my experience there are however some solicitors who would be prepared to take his case on and waste his money on an apparently hopeless case.

Good! It’s what the grabby little prick deserves!

Unfortunately they would also cause the poor ex to have to instruct lawyers and waste her money.

What an immoral shithead he is. I'd tell him of it was my brother.

Lalliella · 14/01/2022 20:56

Hahahahahahaha!

Your brother’s a twat.

GettingItOutThere · 14/01/2022 21:11

you should really warn her, even anonymously.

hes an entitled little shit isnt he. what on earth has he done with 6 years of wages?!

MananaTomorrow · 14/01/2022 21:25

I’m getting the feeling that telling them it’s wrong will get you nowehere.

So I think I would get stuck repeating ‘I’m don’t know. You,l have to see with a solicitor’

Having said that, he was a cocklodger and didn’t even manage to put some savings aside etc… from you are saying. Which also makes him stupid tbh.
So clearly he has form.

billy1966 · 14/01/2022 21:43

Stalkerish???

Yea, to my mind.

She has ended things, he can't accept that, after living off her for years, and is now going after an asset he has never contributed towards?

Stalkerish?
Fxxkwit?
Waster?

Yea, definitely, all of the above.

Iloveacurry · 15/01/2022 08:30

He’s really not going to get very far is he? He paid no bills or rent in 6 years. Ok he bought some furniture but he can take that can’t he. Has your DB, and your parents to some extent by encouraging him, always been CFs?

dottiedodah · 15/01/2022 08:53

Seems like hes a bit of an opportunist! Surely once he sees a Solicitor ,that will set him straight .With no DC and not being married then he doesnt have a leg to stand on I presume .Your DP may be hoping he gets a pay off and can move away from being at home with them I expect!

Santaisstilleatingmincepies · 15/01/2022 10:36

I would speak to the ex about sending him an invoice for 6 year's rent.

ThackeryBinks · 15/01/2022 10:41

I know of someone who was married for all of 5 minutes. Split because of his drug habit, depression and stealing money for said habit off her. This delightful human, let's call him Cock Lodger has just had a pay out from the house and will get a slice of her pension. She is a nurse. If this guy is married he's in for a pay day.

theremustonlybeone · 15/01/2022 12:45

ThackeryBinks they are not married. Also I have no doubt there is more to that story you have shared as he must have paid towards the home or had a joint mortgage.

I had a friend who was married and both contributed to the home. The wife contributed less but wanted half when they divorced. She got 25%.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 15/01/2022 13:13

I know you don't need to be told this, but I can't believe your parents think she should get anything from her! She supported him for 6 years and now she's broken up with him they still think she owes him?

Oh, they do exist. I had one of these, some years ago. 'Cocklodger' I believe is the MN preferred term and as these people are wont to do, one day he took one too many liberties and I threw him out. Some parents out there do believe their darling blue-eyed boy can do no wrong, and that any woman having the temerity to dump them should be made to pay for it in some way.

Whether that is the situation here, or whether the parents simply want a 'get the adult progeny out of the nest' free card (in which case as a PP pointed out they might be shooting themselves in the foot) they are about as cold, mercenary and presumptuous as it gets.

Enablers are the reason these people pull their crap. I'd tell them forcefully, OP, that they are to stop involving or even talking to you about this. I'd also tell them your express intention of tipping the ex off as to what your brother is doing. If he does see the solicitor, then in the unlikely event it transpires he does intend to go after her assets, I'd follow through on that threat.

Your brother is a breathtakingly arrogant dick.

TooOldToBeAGoth · 15/01/2022 13:48

What a nasty, spiteful sad little man.
Imagine trying to do something like this to someone who was generous enough to let him live in her house, loved him and gave him a far better life than he would have had alone.

Sorry op, I know he’s your bro, but wow. What a lowlife.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 15/01/2022 15:23

I'm assuming that you're in England, in which case he gets nothing. Other countries have different rules. My cousin lives in Ireland. She owned her house and paid the mortgage herself. Her boyfriend moved in with her. After a few years he starting using one of the rooms in her house to see clients. He didn't ask her permission to do this, he just told her he would and then did. When they split up she was forced to pay rent for business premises for him (I think for a year) to compensate for his loss of her house as part of his business.

Howshouldibehave · 15/01/2022 15:26

What an unpleasant way to go through life! Why on earth are they both ringing you daily about it though??

Anniegetyourgun · 15/01/2022 15:31

I wouldn't bother with warning the ex. She'll find out soon enough if/when the solicitor's letter arrives, and what would she do differently for having had advance notice? Conversely if he sees the light and doesn't pursue it she's had stress for no reason.

I don't particularly see the point getting confrontational with the family either. To say you disagree is fine and honest, but after that, just change the subject, and if they won't, politely terminate the call. Part of me wants to say don't tell them which side you are on, let them burble away about it, so you can tell us all how it goes! Obviously you can do without the hassle though.

BashStreetKid · 15/01/2022 16:03

What on earth did he do with his money all the time he was living rent- and bills-free? He ought to have been able to save a lot.

No solicitor is going to touch this on a no-win no-fee basis, so if he goes ahead with legal action it's going to cost a hell of a lot of money - to say nothing of the danger of having to pay his ex's costs. If he doesn't know that now, the solicitor is going to give him a nasty shock.

IWentAwayIStayedAway · 15/01/2022 16:25

Why did the clever ex partner get rid of such a catch lol

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 15/01/2022 17:07

Sounds like he wouldn’t have a hope in hell! Thank goodness

Bertiebiscuit · 15/01/2022 17:27

He's trying it 9n, in the worst way. I would have a quiet word with the parents and point out to them that they are encouraging him to waste time and money on a claim that will get him nothing, why should it - he leeches off her, good that she's free of him now, sorry you have such a waster of a brother

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