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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DB wants half his ex's house

255 replies

username103842 · 14/01/2022 16:38

DB was with his partner for the last 6 years. She has been very successful career wise and earns a high salary and had her own house before they met. Despite working himself (he earns about half what his ex does) he just moved in and did not pay a single bill in the whole 6 years. He did buy some furniture occasionally but other than that she paid for everything.

She split up with him a few month ago and he is now back at our parents house. He could rent his own place but it has dawned after all his bills he wouldn't have much left. He actually would have more than many I think he is so use to have his whole wage he has got a shock.

Anyway with encouragement of my parents he has decided he is going to see a solicitor to get half of her house Confused. I don't have a clue of the legalities and doubt he will get anywhere. I try not to get involved in it all but I'm getting daily phones calls from him and my parents about it. Which is driving me mad so I have stopped answering most of them.

I know this isn't actually any of my business so please don't start with them comments. I feel like I am forced to be involved when I actually want to say it's wrong. I suppose the only reason I am asking AIBU to think that way is when you thinking of other situations like when a cohabiting couple have children and the mother doesn't work/contribute financial to the house. I certainly wouldn't feel the same in that circumstance.

OP posts:
HidingFromDD · 14/01/2022 18:56

So did your parents give him half their house when he moved out? If the answer is no, ask them why they think the principle is any different here?

billy1966 · 14/01/2022 18:56

@CatOfTheLand

He sounds abusive, toxic and stalkerish.

I hope she can get an injunction towards him.

It's a shame you can't warn her.

This.

He sounds like scum, and your parents are not any better, encouraging him to cause this woman grief.

I would be deeply ashamed of a family that would behave like that.

GooseberryJam · 14/01/2022 18:57

@HollowTalk

Does this mean that he can get half of your mum and dad's house in a few years time?
Actually, the future event I would watch out for is him persuading your parents to leave their house entirely to him, since you've got your own already and he was so hard done by with Mean Ex. You can see already he would not consider that a step too far.
whiteworldgettingwhiter · 14/01/2022 18:58

So he's lived for free for the last six years off his gf, and now wants half of a house that he's never paid anything towards? What a prince 👑

I'd tell him and your parents exactly what you think of him, tell him to drop it, and tell them you don't want to hear any more about it. Cocklodger.

Cocomarine · 14/01/2022 19:01

Thank god for her she didn’t marry this piece of shit.
I’d be having NOTHING to do with him, and I’d distance myself a bit from your parents.
I certainly wouldn’t listen to any updates. Even without weighing in to give them a full piece of my mind, I’d have to at least do a calm, “remember I’ve told you that I don’t think he has any moral or legal entitlement and I don’t want to hear about it. Now - nice weather today, wasn’t it?”

And I totally agree with @GooseberryJam that he’ll have eyes on your parents’ house. See this time with them now - no doubt still not paying his way. I expect he’ll want more of a share than you - after all, he’s the one caring for them, right?

BitcherOfBlakiven · 14/01/2022 19:03

@Fluffycloudland77

Is she the type to back down for an easy life?
I fucking hope not.

I wouldn’t.

BringBackCoffeeCreams · 14/01/2022 19:07

Suggest your parents give him half of their house as he's lived there without contributing too. Much easier than going after hers.

YanTanTetheraPetheraPimp · 14/01/2022 19:08

Thank goodness she’s kicked him out, she’s had a lucky escape!

WingingItSince1973 · 14/01/2022 19:09

Wonder why she ended it? 🤔

willstarttomorrow · 14/01/2022 19:09

OP, I can feel your frustration from here! Just point out to you parents and brother that you do not have a legal background (assuming you do not) so you cannot really add anything and would prefer not to get drawn in because it adds nothing. Mumble something about getting proper legal advice but that will obviously be expensive and his choice. I have encountered men like this through work and honestly there is no point getting into a conversation- their entitled mindset does not budge.

mjf981 · 14/01/2022 19:13

@CatOfTheLand

He sounds abusive, toxic and stalkerish.

I hope she can get an injunction towards him.

It's a shame you can't warn her.

Staklkerish? How do you get that?! Very melodramatic.
LethargicActress · 14/01/2022 19:13

What is there for your parents and your brother to discuss with you about when they’re calling you every day? Are they expecting you to play a role in the farce somehow?

Kebabandchipsplease · 14/01/2022 19:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mellowyellow222 · 14/01/2022 19:17

As a single woman with a happy salary and her own house this irritates the life out of him.

What a money grabbing little shot. She supported him for six years and now your greedy brother and parents want to take half of what she worked so hard for?

I think this is a question of being guided by your values.

I would say once - I’m sorry but I don’t agree with you trying to take half of this women’s home. This goes against my personal morals. But I appreciate I will never change your mind - and you will never change mine. So I really don’t want to hear anything more about

IDidntKnowItWasAParty · 14/01/2022 19:18

Staklkerish? How do you get that?! Very melodramatic.

Not melodramatic at all, it's very accurate - she ended the relationship, he is now stalking her to try to steal half her house.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 14/01/2022 19:26

I would point out, just once, to your parents that if he runs up loads of legal fees then he will not only have no money from her house but debt too and he will therefore want to live with them for even longer.

Dontbeme · 14/01/2022 19:27

OP if any of your family have a spare key to your house, change your locks today. Your don't want "d"b installed in your home. I would earn his ex what he is planning.

Mellowyellow222 · 14/01/2022 19:28

Out of interest, what kind of morals did your parents show when you were growing up?

How would they react if someone tried to take half your home?

UsernameInTheTown · 14/01/2022 19:29

Sorry you got these disgraces as family OP.
Please warn the poor exGF.

DrSbaitso · 14/01/2022 19:30

Please, please, please update us on how he gets on...

LadyLolaRuben · 14/01/2022 19:30

Its not much different to moving in with a mate who helps you out when you've fallen on hard times. He's entitled to nothing

Livelovebehappy · 14/01/2022 19:31

Sounds like the apple hasn't fallen far from the tree. Easy to see why he has the morals he has if your parents are encouraging him. Unless he has bank statements showing he paid the mortgage for the six years he was there, I would imagine he will get zilch. What an arse.

BooksAndGin · 14/01/2022 19:33

He won't be entitled to a thing.

Tell your parents to stop encouraging it and kick him out, surely he rent with his wages?

BewareTheBeardedDragon · 14/01/2022 19:40

If your parents are encouraging him in hopes of him leaving their place, it is likely to have the opposite effect - he will piss lots of money up the wall on this totally spurious and almost certain to fail case which could otherwise have been saved for him to get his own place. Most unwise all round (as well as twattish)

Longdistance · 14/01/2022 19:50

If I was his ex, I’d throw a bag of lemons at him. He’s so bitter 🍋 🍋🍋🍋🍋