DB wants half his ex's house

[username103842]

DB was with his partner for the last 6 years. She has been very successful career wise and earns a high salary and had her own house before they met. Despite working himself (he earns about half what his ex does) he just moved in and did not pay a single bill in the whole 6 years. He did buy some furniture occasionally but other than that she paid for everything.

She split up with him a few month ago and he is now back at our parents house. He could rent his own place but it has dawned after all his bills he wouldn't have much left. He actually would have more than many I think he is so use to have his whole wage he has got a shock.

Anyway with encouragement of my parents he has decided he is going to see a solicitor to get half of her house . I don't have a clue of the legalities and doubt he will get anywhere. I try not to get involved in it all but I'm getting daily phones calls from him and my parents about it. Which is driving me mad so I have stopped answering most of them.

I know this isn't actually any of my business so please don't start with them comments. I feel like I am forced to be involved when I actually want to say it's wrong. I suppose the only reason I am asking AIBU to think that way is when you thinking of other situations like when a cohabiting couple have children and the mother doesn't work/contribute financial to the house. I certainly wouldn't feel the same in that circumstance.

I was that woman ! He won’t get a penny .

I didn't expect so many replies!!

To try and answer some of the general questions...
It all started from a ridiculous conversation he had with a friend. The friends tells him a story about 'a friend of a friend getting half the house...' it's either probably nonsense or half a story. So now he is convinced he is entitled. He has no savings whatsoever and also thinks due to said friend he will be able to claim legal aid.
The constant phone calls are to ask me to look it up on line or find a solicitor or how to claim legal aid. I recently told them I'm too busy. Their tone changed and I haven't heard from them since.
A PP wrote about my parents enabling behaviour that is definitely true. My DB plays the victim constantly. He was completely the victim in this break up ( I don't actually even know why they split). He and my parents somehow blames his ex for him suffering financially now . They can't seem to see the fact he has 6 years with no bills and could have saved a fortune!

Been dipping in and out of this thread

He and your parents are bonkers entitled idiots! How are you normal?!

He's not entitled to a damn thing! As many pps have said.

He certainly isn't entitled to legal aid to pursue it!

Legal aid in such matters is I believe now reserved for those divorcing abusive spouses.

Hell get absolutely nowhere! Though in your shoes I'd let him crack on and waste his time and money! Some dodgy lawyer will likely lead him on and make a fortune out of him, decent sensible ones won't deal with him at all.

My ex during our divorce went through several lawyers simply because he refused to listen to what he was and wasn't entitled to (both financially and in terms of a number of contact hearings relating to dd - which was ironic considering he was shit at contact and as a parent generally!)

I changed to a better lawyer after my 1st was very slow, I'd stupidly let this ride until it resulted in a major cock up for me on financial side (she didn't submit a form in time) and my 2nd lawyer upon seeing who he had for the 1st hearing I had with her (his 6th or 7th lawyer!) Asked me if he'd been through a few! I was like "How'd you know that?" And she was like basically "cos she's rubbish and you only hire her if nobody else will take you!"

It was honestly comedic at points (though didn't feel it at the time)

Brother sounds like he needs a wake up call - and to grow the fuck up!

But then I have a sister who is v similar and I don't see her changing either. Mid 40's now!

@username103842

I didn't expect so many replies!!

To try and answer some of the general questions...
It all started from a ridiculous conversation he had with a friend. The friends tells him a story about 'a friend of a friend getting half the house...' it's either probably nonsense or half a story. So now he is convinced he is entitled. He has no savings whatsoever and also thinks due to said friend he will be able to claim legal aid.
The constant phone calls are to ask me to look it up on line or find a solicitor or how to claim legal aid. I recently told them I'm too busy. Their tone changed and I haven't heard from them since.
A PP wrote about my parents enabling behaviour that is definitely true. My DB plays the victim constantly. He was completely the victim in this break up ( I don't actually even know why they split). He and my parents somehow blames his ex for him suffering financially now . They can't seem to see the fact he has 6 years with no bills and could have saved a fortune!

Legal aid?! For this “case”? Hahahaha. Good luck with that like.

I’d be so embarrassed to be related to him.

He is taking the absolute piss and you should tell him so.

He won't be entitled to anything as his ex can prove he didn't pay towards the upkeep/maintenance or owning of the house.

What a piss taker.

Is his mate's name Jay - and would he describe his life at the moment as 'somewhat in-between stages'?!

Why are they constantly phoning you about it? What are you supposed to do with the information?

My thinking was - and OP's update rather bears this out - that they're partly seeking validation from her in their quest for what they must at best realise is probably 'too good to be true'.

Without wanting to be unkind to them, it doesn't sound like the family 'smart genes' in any way fell equally on them all - and I can see them hoping for the one who did get the lion's share of the intelligence to lead on this. Ergo they aren't actually intending on proactively going to a solicitor - they're wanting OP to lead on it, do all of the legwork, blacken her own name, put her head above the CF parapet and, it wouldn't surprise me, take a large responsibility for the failure of the case and paying the legal costs when if it should fail.

Dh has a relative who is convinced that if you have a child with a man they are legally obliged to house you and the child till they are 18.

They are so vehement this is true that several people now parrot this “fact” 🤦🏻‍♀️ it’s pure wishful thinking batshittery.

Seems there’s more of them out there though! Well done on pushing back, you don’t want to get the blame when it fails or be told you should foot the legal fees because you found the lawyer.

It depends on whether he repaired or renovated the house

I'm guessing your DB is the firstborn? Which explains why his Mummy's still telling him he's entitled and he's still believing it.

Whether or not he is entitled to anything will depend on details not known and not understood by those on the periphery/in the pub handing out their advice. That's why people go to a qualified lawyer for advice. I know this isn't news to you, but maybe the best line to take to the deserving s...s who still expect you to look after everyone! Saves you giving an opinion, for which you can be blamed now and later!

So: "Best if DB phones the solicitor as they'll want to ask him details I don't know." "What did the solicitor advise?" "S/he understands the law, best to take her/his advice". "This is really something for DB to do on his own ~ all his private details etc.!

Wish you luck with this. But please don't be sucked into doing their dirty work. They will expect you to persuade the solicitor/barrister/judge that your baby brother deserves everything, and will blame you if you don't succeed. His Mess. His Fantasy. His Job now.

Is it worth telling the ex what he’s up to? To give her a heads up, I guess.

Legal Aid is only available in a very small amount of claims, such as medical negligence when the claimant is a minor, family law when violence has been alleged.

There is no legal aid for civil litigation which is what this claim would be and to answer a previous post, any reputable solicitor will tell him he has no claim at the very start and won't send letters and charge £200 a pop.

@username103842

I agree my only possible theory is that my parents are worried he will never move out from their house now. So are encouraging it in order for him to get some money to move out with!

OP do take care that you don't get coerced into letting him getting his foot in your door if/when your parents finally see what an entitled person he is. Don't let him stay even a night, now you've seen the consequences you might incur...

I'm also inclined to give his poor Ex a discreet heads up if you can do that without causing WW3 in your family. 🌹

He won't get Legal aid. I can't see any grounds for legal aid for him based on your info. But heyho a solicitors firm will tell him.

He doesn't seem to be entitled to any share in her property as they were not married and he contributed nothing. She bought property in her name without him.

I think your DB is a CF for trying to pursue this.

I'm sure you feel the same OP.
I hope he leaves the poor woman (his exDP) alone. Your parents should not be encouraging this CF behaviour. They should be suggesting he leaves their home and finds himself lodging or a small bedsit house share or a flat in his own name.

Sounds like DB needs to start to learn to pay his own way in life. And earns a good wage so he can do this!

I'd be ashamed if I were them that he took advantage of his DP for 5 years living off of her and then is now trying to get money from her !! Awful behaviour. It would make me lose respect for my family member.

I do hope your parents don't offer to bankroll his legal expenses as they could amount to £10,000s!!! For no real case.

What did you loser brother do with all the money he saved?
Your parents are disgusting.

I am correct in understanding they have no shared children? Even then that would only be CMS as unmarried , IF he had the children resident with him.

But they don't and he doesn't.

I cannot see any grounds you DBro thinks he's entitled to anything other than a judge telling him off for living rent Free for 6 years !

Dh has a relative who is convinced that if you have a child with a man they are legally obliged to house you and the child till they are 18.

Does she believe the same if he is a SAHD? What if she is the major wage earner? What about if he becomes unable to work? What about same-sex parents, where both or neither of them are 'the man'?

She sounds like a 4yo who is still yet to learn the 'I want doesn't get' rule. Does she still believe in Santa?

You sound really decent OP. Stand your ground in not assisting with any of this fuckery. Feel free to ask him or your parents on what legal or moral basis he feels he should be entitled to half a bloody house. Also depending on your relationship with the ex, I'd be considering giving her a heads up, not that it would likely make any difference to the outcome, just so she doesn't have a nasty surprise/ die laughing when she reads whatever letters he can stretch to paying his solicitor to send.

Seriously he will get nothing whatsoever. I know several people who have been in the same boat.
My friend who was with her "common law husband" for 20 years was slung out by his family when he died.
Fought it out through the courts - got nothing.
They were not married and he had no will.
I'm sorry but he sounds like a proper gold digger. What on earth makes him think he will be awarded half the house?
All he will be awarded is court costs which can run into many thousands.

He thinks he's going to get legal aid for this "claim"?!?

Hahahaha! That's adorable. I would sit back with popcorn on hand, tbh.

Yes I remember a good few years back being out with my sister and some friends of hers, one of whom owned her own home. Her bf (god I hope she dumped him) after a few drinks told my sister that he planned on living with her for 5 years because he would be entitled to half her house then. Fucker

In Ireland it's a common mistake that many make to think that the co habitation law entitles you to a % of the house of your partner - it really doesn't.

What the law specifies is that if you have lived with a partner for 5+ years or 2+ if children are involved, then you are entitled to apply. You still have to prove to the court that you invested in the house and you may be awarded an amount that the courts deem fair based on what you've proven you put into the asset.

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

Dh has a relative who is convinced that if you have a child with a man they are legally obliged to house you and the child till they are 18.

Does she believe the same if he is a SAHD? What if she is the major wage earner? What about if he becomes unable to work? What about same-sex parents, where both or neither of them are 'the man'?

She sounds like a 4yo who is still yet to learn the 'I want doesn't get' rule. Does she still believe in Santa?

It’s pure fantasy. Whatever they think automatically becomes a FACT in their minds & they will argue brunette is blonde.

This is what happens when you have a favourite child you want to appease at all costs. It always goes wrong in adulthood.

He won't get far if not married.

Ha ha ha. What an numpty. He could have saved a deposit whilst living rent free. His ex is soooo well rid of your brother.