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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DB wants half his ex's house

255 replies

username103842 · 14/01/2022 16:38

DB was with his partner for the last 6 years. She has been very successful career wise and earns a high salary and had her own house before they met. Despite working himself (he earns about half what his ex does) he just moved in and did not pay a single bill in the whole 6 years. He did buy some furniture occasionally but other than that she paid for everything.

She split up with him a few month ago and he is now back at our parents house. He could rent his own place but it has dawned after all his bills he wouldn't have much left. He actually would have more than many I think he is so use to have his whole wage he has got a shock.

Anyway with encouragement of my parents he has decided he is going to see a solicitor to get half of her house Confused. I don't have a clue of the legalities and doubt he will get anywhere. I try not to get involved in it all but I'm getting daily phones calls from him and my parents about it. Which is driving me mad so I have stopped answering most of them.

I know this isn't actually any of my business so please don't start with them comments. I feel like I am forced to be involved when I actually want to say it's wrong. I suppose the only reason I am asking AIBU to think that way is when you thinking of other situations like when a cohabiting couple have children and the mother doesn't work/contribute financial to the house. I certainly wouldn't feel the same in that circumstance.

OP posts:
SunshineOnKeith · 14/01/2022 16:57

I try not to get involved in it all but I'm getting daily phones calls from him and my parents about it

I think you need to ask then what his basis is for thinking he is owed half? Ask if he's paid half the value of the house/mortgage over the 6 years they were together.

I think faux-innocent questions are the only way they might see sense

NumberTheory · 14/01/2022 16:57

I would perhaps talk to your parents gently, without DB around, about this not being a winning route to go down legally and that if they want him out of the house they should be encouraging him to save his money up, not spend it on solicitors who will probably take a good FA mount of time and thousands of pounds to tell him they’ve tried their best but it isn’t going anywhere.

If I had been at all friendly with ex I would be considering giving her a heads up, though that does seem a bit disloyal.

phishy · 14/01/2022 16:58

I agree my only possible theory is that my parents are worried he will never move out from their house now. So are encouraging it in order for him to get some money to move out with!

Or they’re butt hurt that a woman has much more than their darling useless son.

ClafoutisSurprise · 14/01/2022 16:58

Horrible that your parents are egging him on. His behaviour is bad enough, but they are a step removed from the situation. Do they strongly dislike this woman or something? I can’t imagine why else they would feel their sons is entitled to anything on the basis of what you’ve said.

Sincerely hope she stands her ground and isn’t tempted to pay him off other than to hand the furniture back.

Kuachui · 14/01/2022 16:58

they were only together for 6 years and he contributed nothing 😂😂😂 he wont get shit

Username20222022 · 14/01/2022 17:00

I feel sorry for her. Imagine getting solicitors letters demanding you give this little shit half your house. When he stayed for free living there and didn't save a penny.
I hope she just throws it in the bin.

Dud scrounger pay council tax while he lived there?

Fluffycloudland77 · 14/01/2022 17:00

Is she the type to back down for an easy life?

Sunbird24 · 14/01/2022 17:02

OP why are they calling you about it on a daily basis? Do they expect you to actually do anything or just join in the delusional claptrap?

I wonder what your parents would think if you were in the reverse situation with a house you owned and an ex trying to claim half of it…

Chloemol · 14/01/2022 17:07
  1. I would warn her of his intentions so she can get her act together
  2. I would tell both parents and brother he won’t get anywhere, other than having large solicitors bills to pay as it’s he4 house, she paid everything, he may get his furniture back
  3. I would advise your parents to put a time limit on his stay, so he can find somewhere else
candlelightsatdawn · 14/01/2022 17:07

Well this is terrifying.

Your parents created a sponge.

The sponge went to sponge on a women loving life with no bills for 6 years .

Sponge returned home and the parents who created him and his sense of entitlement now have the nerve to try and put the problem they created back on this women because the don't like the sponge, sponging on them 😵‍💫

Have I got this right ?

What's worse is your being dragged into it probably in some type of weird hope you will validate this or and I in hopes you will come take the problem off their hands.

Legally he doesn't have a leg to stand on, morally he doesn't have any legs.

WhereYouLeftIt · 14/01/2022 17:08

"I try not to get involved in it all but I'm getting daily phones calls from him and my parents about it. Which is driving me mad so I have stopped answering most of them."
What on earth are they saying in these phonecalls?Confused

"my only possible theory is that my parents are worried he will never move out from their house now. So are encouraging it in order for him to get some money to move out with!"
So he's pissed six years of salary up the wall? He was paying for nothing, so where did all that money go?

And your parents have no need to encourage this fuckery to get him to move out. They can just grow a pair of spines and tell him he's moving!

Needless to say, I am judging your brother and your parents.

phishy · 14/01/2022 17:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flowers500 · 14/01/2022 17:13

@LittleMissTake

Assuming:

a) the matter comes under English law
b) your DB was at no point in a marriage or civil partnership with his ex
c) the property is registered in your DB’s ex partner’s sole name
d) your DB made no substantial contribution to the cost of repairs or refurbishment to the home itself (contribution to a mortgage, bills, paying rent etc doesn’t count)
e) he has no clear evidence (written or oral) that his ex offered to share the beneficial interest in the house with him

then he is unlikely to be entitled to anything at all.

Sadly in my experience there are however some solicitors who would be prepared to take his case on and waste his money on an apparently hopeless case.

Yes this is exactly right.

He'll be able to blow what little money he does have sending unspellchecked solicitors letters from some dodgy establishment until the money runs out. She'll have a meeting with a solicitor and be told to ignore him.

phishy · 14/01/2022 17:13

Well this is terrifying.

Your parents created a sponge.

Yes!

DB wants half his ex's house
iloverock · 14/01/2022 17:14

He won't be entitled to anything at all if the house is in her sole name and they are not married.
Even if he did renovation work he has to prove there was an agreement between them that he would share the beneficial interest.

I know because I was her and the ex took me to court. All the way to final hearing and he lost. He now owes me £70k!

Puzzledandpissedoff · 14/01/2022 17:14

my only possible theory is that my parents are worried he will never move out from their house now. So are encouraging it in order for him to get some money to move out with

But you said he can afford his own place, except he wouldn't have much left after paying bills and he's "used to having all his wage"

Out of interest did/does he contribute to living at your parents', either before he left to live with his GF or now? Because it's hard not to wonder what part they played in encouraging him to be like this

saraclara · 14/01/2022 17:14

I would perhaps talk to your parents gently, without DB around, about this not being a winning route to go down legally and that if they want him out of the house they should be encouraging him to save his money up, not spend it on solicitors who will probably take a good FA mount of time and thousands of pounds to tell him they’ve tried their best but it isn’t going anywhere.

Yep. I don't understand why you're not saying anything, to be honest. I'd have said from the start, that it's not fair for him to even go there.

My DD lived with her ex, in the flat that he owned, for several years. She paid for food and towards the utilities and random purchases for their home but by his choice, nothing more.

When they split up, however a) it didn't even occur to her to pursue him for anything to do with the flat, and b) because she hadn't been paying anything towards the roof over her head, she'd amassed a fair bit in savings, so was able to provide a home for herself.

KatherineJaneway · 14/01/2022 17:14

Is 'entitled' his middle name?

IncompleteSenten · 14/01/2022 17:16

They weren't married and he paid fuck all.

Hopefully he'll be laughed out of court.

You should get in touch with her and let her know what this tosser is planning.

ConstanceL · 14/01/2022 17:16

This is bonkers, of course he is not entitled to any of her assets and it would be the same if he was an unmarried woman who had broken up with her home-owning partner. If they weren't married or had kids together or he wasn't named on the mortgage or deeds then he is entitled to nothing. Your parents sound like a pair of prats encouraging him. Sounds like his ex had a narrow escape from your batshit family, I hope she is thanking her lucky starts.

ConstanceL · 14/01/2022 17:17

*stars

Lachimolala · 14/01/2022 17:18

I’d give her a heads up if I was in your position just so she knows what he’s up to, I also think he’ll get nowhere and it’s a really shitty thing to do after she bankrolled him for 6 years.

Crankley · 14/01/2022 17:18

Tough. He contributed nothing, he was a cocklodger for six years and it's disgraceful of your parents to push him to do this.

Applesonthelawn · 14/01/2022 17:18

He'll get nothing and you'll be able to laugh at him forever for allowing his unfounded greed to cloud any sensible judgement. You don't need to warn her because she won't be worried, she'll just laugh too if she ever finds out. Just sit back and let it play out.

Embracelife · 14/01/2022 17:19

Dud she put his name on the house mortgage or lamd registry?
If no
Then ha ha no chance

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