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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DB wants half his ex's house

255 replies

username103842 · 14/01/2022 16:38

DB was with his partner for the last 6 years. She has been very successful career wise and earns a high salary and had her own house before they met. Despite working himself (he earns about half what his ex does) he just moved in and did not pay a single bill in the whole 6 years. He did buy some furniture occasionally but other than that she paid for everything.

She split up with him a few month ago and he is now back at our parents house. He could rent his own place but it has dawned after all his bills he wouldn't have much left. He actually would have more than many I think he is so use to have his whole wage he has got a shock.

Anyway with encouragement of my parents he has decided he is going to see a solicitor to get half of her house Confused. I don't have a clue of the legalities and doubt he will get anywhere. I try not to get involved in it all but I'm getting daily phones calls from him and my parents about it. Which is driving me mad so I have stopped answering most of them.

I know this isn't actually any of my business so please don't start with them comments. I feel like I am forced to be involved when I actually want to say it's wrong. I suppose the only reason I am asking AIBU to think that way is when you thinking of other situations like when a cohabiting couple have children and the mother doesn't work/contribute financial to the house. I certainly wouldn't feel the same in that circumstance.

OP posts:
Toanewstart22 · 14/01/2022 18:14

Your brother
And your parents

Are a bit… thick, aren’t they!

ivykaty44 · 14/01/2022 18:14

say to your parents, why not get db to buy a house for himself and then after 6 years he could give half to me, when they say that s not the same. say no I didn't get to live their rent free

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 14/01/2022 18:16

The only conceivable way I can think that this could possibly be relevant would be if he believed her to have been his employer, offering him a verbally-understood live-in, all-expenses-paid 'job' providing 'lover' services to her - and now he is seeking a redundancy package.

Of course, this would have to mean that he was the biggest romantic catch ever.... he certainly sounds like he's the biggest 'something' ever. Utterly breathtaking entitlement.

I agree that your parents may be partly supporting him in the hope that he will have the money to move out of theirs - but for somebody with so little self-respect or sense of personal responsibility, who has burned through six years of salary, without bills to pay but still with nothing left to show for it, the overwhelming chances are that, even if some insane judge did order her to give him loads of her money/assets, he still wouldn't move out, as he would see it that he could have all the money and still keep the free board, bills and lodging that he has now.

In fact, if he genuinely believes that lodging free with somebody for a relatively short period of time entitles you to half of their house when they finally see sense and throw you out the arrangement comes to an end, the only logical conclusion to that is that, should he leave your DPs' house, he will be taking them to court for 'his' half of their house.

It never ceases to amaze me just how little shame and how much sense of entitlement some people have.

Branleuse · 14/01/2022 18:19

@Georgeskitchen

I wouldn't put any bets on him not being able to claim anything. Pretty sure if he lived there above 2 years he could possibly be entitled to something
Id absolutely put a bet on it. If they neither married, nor had his name on the deeds, then even if he had paid rent, he still wouldnt be entitled to anything. Wouldnt be much point in marriage if you could get the same protection and benefits just for shagging someone who (already) owned a house for a few years.
theremustonlybeone · 14/01/2022 18:19

Your parents and your DB are having a laugh. I am rather upset as a mother to three boys that your parents find it perfectly acceptable to advise there lazy son to go and try and get half of someone elses home. I can only assume your DB has told them he contributed to the house hence their foolish advice. I hope his ex is sharp enough to instruct a lawyer and tell them to piss off.

YankeeDad · 14/01/2022 18:20

@username103842 I agree with all of the comments that your DB is in the wrong, and with some of the more colourful terms being used to indicate that.

But it's also your family, so I think it would be totally understandable if you wanted to find a way to disengage on this topic whilst remaining civil.

Your DB has made it very clear what he wants, and you have a reasonable guess as to what your parents may want (ie him to move out), but what do you want in this situation? It would be more than fair to figure that out, and then work out how to try to get it.

If you just want to stop being called about this topic, then maybe when someone calls about it, you tell them: "I'm afraid I really have no new ideas to offer about that, but can we talk about XYZ" where XYZ is a tactically chosen subject that you're happy to discuss but they're not. Soon, they may stop calling about your brother and his attempted money grab ...

HollowTalk · 14/01/2022 18:21

@ivykaty44

say to your parents, why not get db to buy a house for himself and then after 6 years he could give half to me, when they say that s not the same. say no I didn't get to live their rent free
Exactly! There is only one person who owes money in that relationship!
AnneElliott · 14/01/2022 18:21

Surely he'll just get the furniture he paid for? I agree he has no chance - and very cheeky of him too! Shame on your parents for encouraging him!

HollowTalk · 14/01/2022 18:22

Does this mean that he can get half of your mum and dad's house in a few years time?

Ancientdreams · 14/01/2022 18:22

I know someone who lived with their partner for over ten years. He paid her rent/bills in cash and also claimed he helped with home improvements and decorating. He asked a solicitor for advice who said there was no point in pursuing it for the money is would cost in legal fees. She agreed to give him a nominal sum in a private arrangement but never actually did.

1FootInTheRave · 14/01/2022 18:25

What a disgusting rat he is.

SeasonFinale · 14/01/2022 18:26

@Ancientdreams

I know someone who lived with their partner for over ten years. He paid her rent/bills in cash and also claimed he helped with home improvements and decorating. He asked a solicitor for advice who said there was no point in pursuing it for the money is would cost in legal fees. She agreed to give him a nominal sum in a private arrangement but never actually did.
Good for her.
PatriotCanes · 14/01/2022 18:26

And yet you say the relationship wasn't a success?

  1. Warn the ex.
  2. Stop taking their calls.
  3. Have a look around your house and make sure there's no where that looks like a spare room, or an sofa an adult could lie on, or space for a blow up bed anywhere not even in the shed.
turnaroundtime · 14/01/2022 18:26

@CatOfTheLand

He sounds abusive, toxic and stalkerish.

I hope she can get an injunction towards him.

It's a shame you can't warn her.

Ffs no he doesn't. He just sounds useless and dependant
Orchid876 · 14/01/2022 18:30

Not answering your phone is a good plan, your family sound insufferable! It's laughable he thinks he's entitled to anything, but sorry OP, I kind of hope he engages a cowboy solicitor who takes him for a few hundred £ before he realises he's not entitled to anything. And your parents need to grow a backbone and tell him to move out, without involving you in their drama!

AdultingInTheCountryside · 14/01/2022 18:33

Wow your brother is a cheeky little f* lived rent and bill free in a house he didn’t own and now wants some of it. Lovely

Summerfun54321 · 14/01/2022 18:35

So the basis of his claim is that he just wants some more money so that his life now is easier. Don’t we all!

TheFormidableMrsC · 14/01/2022 18:37

He will get nowhere with this. Not married, her asset, not on the deeds, no contribution. He'll get nothing which is exactly what he deserves. You must be mortified OP.

Isgooglebroken · 14/01/2022 18:45

he has decided he is going to see a solicitor to get half of her house

I hope the solicitor is expensive. He deserves to learn a valuable lesson.

DM was with her partner 15 years and spent her £10,000 savings on decorating, improvements, furniture etc not the kinds of things you keep receipts for.

She got nothing when they split up.

MojoJojo71 · 14/01/2022 18:45

What a prick. So he lived with her rent free for 6 years and now wants half of her hard earned house? He’s a cheeky fucker and if he were my brother I’d tell him so.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 14/01/2022 18:45

Hi attitude rather reminds me of that of the couple in our area who, quite a number of years back, chopped up the floorboards of the upper floor of the council house to use as firewood, and then sued the council for failing to provide them with a habitable house that was large enough for their needs (now that there was no longer an upstairs) - expecting hefty compensation and a replacement house. They were swiftly disabused of their grossly entitled notion (and rank stupidity) - and quite rightly pursued by the council to compensate them.

Actually, for the people saying that it has nothing to do with OP, from an inheritance pov, pound to a penny he will pull some kind of 'justification' (maybe backed up with vexatious legal action) with the expectation that their DPs' house should all belong to him - whether he is still living there at the time of their death or even just based on the (potentially few) years that they've provided him with free board during his adult lifetime.

In fact, if they're currently on board with what he's trying on at the moment, I wouldn't put it past him to coerce them to change their will to exclude OP (and any other siblings) - on the grounds that people who bother to work and make an effort to provide for themselves should just hand it over to any 'more deserving' freeloaders they encounter on the way.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 14/01/2022 18:46

*His attitude

museumum · 14/01/2022 18:47

If this was my family I’d tell them all once and clearly that I thought he was 100% wrong to claim anything from her and I’d never be discussing it with them again.

Zombiemum1946 · 14/01/2022 18:54

Sounds like the ex did the smart financial thing. As everyone else has said this is going nowhere other than a solicitors wallet.

skyeisthelimit · 14/01/2022 18:55

Your DB is very unreasonable and she must be so glad that they never married.

He may have paid for some furniture etc, but I expect if she totted up his fair share of all the bills over the 6 years, it would be more than the furniture.

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