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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DB wants half his ex's house

255 replies

username103842 · 14/01/2022 16:38

DB was with his partner for the last 6 years. She has been very successful career wise and earns a high salary and had her own house before they met. Despite working himself (he earns about half what his ex does) he just moved in and did not pay a single bill in the whole 6 years. He did buy some furniture occasionally but other than that she paid for everything.

She split up with him a few month ago and he is now back at our parents house. He could rent his own place but it has dawned after all his bills he wouldn't have much left. He actually would have more than many I think he is so use to have his whole wage he has got a shock.

Anyway with encouragement of my parents he has decided he is going to see a solicitor to get half of her house Confused. I don't have a clue of the legalities and doubt he will get anywhere. I try not to get involved in it all but I'm getting daily phones calls from him and my parents about it. Which is driving me mad so I have stopped answering most of them.

I know this isn't actually any of my business so please don't start with them comments. I feel like I am forced to be involved when I actually want to say it's wrong. I suppose the only reason I am asking AIBU to think that way is when you thinking of other situations like when a cohabiting couple have children and the mother doesn't work/contribute financial to the house. I certainly wouldn't feel the same in that circumstance.

OP posts:
Wheresthebeach · 14/01/2022 17:42

@Foolsrule

Time to explain the term cocklodger to Mum and Dad.
This! Thank God they weren't married. She had a lucky escape.
ChargingBuck · 14/01/2022 17:43

I agree my only possible theory is that my parents are worried he will never move out from their house now. So are encouraging it in order for him to get some money to move out with!

Shame he didn't manage to save anything while ligging off his ex & having all his salary to himself, innit.

Are you going to warn his ex, & support her if he actually goes ahead with his stupid idea OP? Or tell your family how outrageous they are being?

LilithOfEden · 14/01/2022 17:43

Former solicitor here. I had a partner similar to your "D"B, and he moved in with me and stayed there well past his sell by date in very similar circumstances to the one you describe. The best thing I ever did was not getting involved with him other than emotionally. When his marching orders were on the cards, he liked to read my property law text books, I think in the vain hope of finding some way of staking a claim in my property. I knew he had no chance, and neither does your cocklodging brother.

Thirtytimesround · 14/01/2022 17:44

Sorry you have such deluded and unethical parents and brother. How depressing. Up to you how you deal with them, I’m not sure I’d be able to keep my mouth shut watching them harass the ex.

He’s got zero chance of getting money from her. He’s either seen a dodgy lawyer or majorly misunderstood what he was told.

Alcemeg · 14/01/2022 17:44

I used to work at the Royal Courts of Justice and sometimes sat in on cases. There was one hearing that was very similar to this. The bloke argued that because his ex-wife was better qualified than him, and used to working, it would be no big deal for her to recoup the costs of giving him half of everything, whereas it would take him a lifetime because he didn't work.

I can't remember the exact words the judge used, but it was along the lines of "Is that the best argument you can come up with? Well, haha, sorry, on yer bike mate."

scoobydoo1971 · 14/01/2022 17:45

If I was this woman, I would see a solicitor to construct a counter-claim for unpaid debt and what other damages could be dreamed up. Unless they had tenants in common or similar, he would not have any automatic property rights over this woman. If he contributed to 'improvements' in the value of the property (say, installing a bathroom or kitchen, and keeping the receipts for materials) then he maybe able to claim some money back. However, in the current legal framework of England & Wales it is unlikely. Your brother is a loser, but you won't be able to change him. He may find an unethical legal representative to send a 'letter before action to try to scare some money out of this woman. Lets hope her house insurance has legal cover for claims against it (mine does). That will teach him...and she can thank her lucky stars they never married! This is the reason I will never ever live with a man again, as the risks of being looted by a chancer are just too much!

HirplesWithHaggis · 14/01/2022 17:46

@Georgeskitchen

I wouldn't put any bets on him not being able to claim anything. Pretty sure if he lived there above 2 years he could possibly be entitled to something
On what grounds? In the UK?
Shehasadiamondinthesky · 14/01/2022 17:47

He'll get nothing. What a total waster.

GoodnightGrandma · 14/01/2022 17:47

I assume it’s going to cost her to contest it ?

Jay36 · 14/01/2022 17:48

I’d just leave it, clearly he’s an idiot but the solicitor will tell him that or won’t and charge him foe a case he won’t win. Either way not something worth fighting your family over as the solicitor can be the ‘bad cop’

3mealsaday · 14/01/2022 17:48

Where the fuck did all his money go if he wasn't paying rent and hardly any bills and she paid for everything?

Genuinely baffled. Does he have a gambling problem or something like that?

JDaytona · 14/01/2022 17:49

What an absolute plonker.

Yes I would warn her anonymously.

Does he have a chunk of cash to spunk on this? He has no chance.

Why on earth does he think he's entitled to any of it?

eagerlywaitingfor · 14/01/2022 17:51

Is he paying any rent to your parents?

cherish123 · 14/01/2022 17:52

He's being ridiculous

TrufflesAndToast · 14/01/2022 17:53

I’d be mortified if my family members were trying this on and would tell them in no certain terms how pathetic and embarrassing it is. Why haven’t you said anything to them?!

PrincessPaws · 14/01/2022 17:55

What a cheeky fucker your 'D'B is, and your parents aren't much better egging him on! Why the hell should he think he is entitled to a single thing when he has contributed nothing? He's had years of no bills and no rent, he should have a lovely nest egg of his own to play with

SeasonFinale · 14/01/2022 17:55

@Georgeskitchen

I wouldn't put any bets on him not being able to claim anything. Pretty sure if he lived there above 2 years he could possibly be entitled to something
Ooh look the OP's brother is here ^^
MzHz · 14/01/2022 17:59

@Getyourjinglebellsinarow

If they brought it up again I'd tell them exactly what I thought about his plan.
This is where I’d get too as well.
GoodnightGrandma · 14/01/2022 18:00

@TrufflesAndToast

I’d be mortified if my family members were trying this on and would tell them in no certain terms how pathetic and embarrassing it is. Why haven’t you said anything to them?!
I agree. Embarrassing.
IDidntKnowItWasAParty · 14/01/2022 18:03

How can he and your parents be so deluded? and entitled? Your DB should be paying his EX a load of comensation, not the other way round! Set him straight! Is he a complete jerk in all areas of his life?

IDidntKnowItWasAParty · 14/01/2022 18:04

@Georgeskitchen Pretty sure if he lived there above 2 years he could possibly be entitled to something

Where is the legal basis for this?????? Not married, no kids, no contribution.............

Branleuse · 14/01/2022 18:05

Have you not told them that you dont agree with him pursuing this from her, nor do you think he will get anywhere with it, so whilst you cant stop them, can they please stop trying to discuss it with you

CriminalOrator · 14/01/2022 18:06

He’s dreaming.

FreedomFaith · 14/01/2022 18:11

Please come back and tell us about his temper tantrum when he gets told no. I'd almost be wanting to encourage him to go to solicitors just for the laugh and for them to take his money over nothing.

Skiptheheartsandflowers · 14/01/2022 18:13

You'll be the bad guy though if you say anything. I would stick with 'well, I don't know the legalities so best to see what the solicitor says' broken record style to all of it. He/they can pay a solicitor to tell them how stupid it is.