Was this a dodgy massage?!

[Dodgyornotdodgy]

I swear I am NOT a troll - MNHQ can confirm I am a long time poster who has NC. I would particularly like the opinions of masseuses/masseurs but anyone really.

I get massages all the time and this has never happened before.

Masseur (so male - not a problem, have masseurs fairly often too. Not sexist and not assuming all men are pervs).

During the leg portion of my massage he crossed my leg over and massaged the bottom of my thigh. The bottom of my thigh was over my vulva. It was extremely arousing, obviously. I didn’t really know what to say - he did it on both sides.

I guess my AIBU is - AIBU to think this was deliberate and he knows what he is doing?! Or am I just quite sex starved and bizarre?

I realise people will come on being like why didn’t you say anything but 1) I wasn’t really sure if he was doing anything on purpose ajd 2) to be honest it was pleasant!

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I once had a female physio I was seeing about back/ hip issues.
She said she sometimes put her fingers inside a client’s vagina to massage / investigate or something. Can’t quite remember, but I got the feeling she was suggesting it.

She must have seen the look of horror in my face and didn’t pursue it.

Can any physios tell me if this is a thing?

@Tigertigertigertiger

I once had a female physio I was seeing about back/ hip issues. She said she sometimes put her fingers inside a client’s vagina to massage / investigate or something. Can’t quite remember, but I got the feeling she was suggesting it.

She must have seen the look of horror in my face and didn’t pursue it.

Can any physios tell me if this is a thing?

I had a HCP do that to me. Fingers up the anus to help my Lower back. The HCP didn’t explain, no warning, nothing.

I ended up in tears, feeling violated, in pain (because it was painful too) and somehow feeling guilty
Yes I was young and I never went back.

I’m somehow ashamed to say that it did actually sort my back pain too (not that I would ever consider having that done ever again)

@MananaTomorrow thank you for sharing your experience. That is really horrible. A careful explanation in advance might have made it somewhat ok.

I’m really curious to know whether that was a legitimate procedure.

@MananaTomorrow @Tigertigertigertiger

😱😱😱😱😱

Sorry this happened to you OP. But..( and I blame this on the fact the drama in watching is full of people not telling other people some vitally important information resulting in huge misunderstandings- at least six times so far) could you not just have said stop??

Expressing yourself is amazing once you get used to it. “ Sorry that’s too close for comfort, could you not?”

There is a movement used in chiropractic treatment. You go in the anus to adjust the coccyx. BUT, only with everything consensual, plus the chiropractor consenting as well. It’s very rarely used.

@Joined4this

But..( and I blame this on the fact the drama in watching is full of people not telling other people some vitally important information resulting in huge misunderstandings- at least six times so far) could you not just have said stop??

Sorry, I don’t understand the beginning of the this sentence? but I didn’t want him to stop because it was pleasant. It was a very subtle thing and then suddenly it was very nice and I was enjoying it. Hence the sense of confusion after the fact (and I suppose during)

@DobbyTheHouseElk

That’s crazy!

😂😂😂 oh my god this thread has got me laughing

[quote LessTime]@Maireas
I would never get a massage, but I suppose it must be a very intimate experience

I must have had hundreds of massages over the years and I will chose a male if there is one available. I've never experienced anything that could vaguely be described as intimate. It feels great but not in a sexual way.

I find the situation that the OP found herself in really creepy. I guess this thread is a good warning that people should be careful. Wear sensible knickers, hold on to your towel and say something if ever you feel uncomfortable. [/quote]
While I can see OP's irritation with this, I can also consider it not a bad manual for life.

"Wear big knickers, hold on to your towel and say something if you're uncomfortable." It could be a Douglas Adam's quip.

The internal adjustment thing is real. I sometimes wish I could have it. I struggle with my tailbone terribly.

I tend to get sports massages and often these are by physios. I guess the disposable undies must be more popular with other types of massage.

I totally agree woman should be able to wear whatever they want and it’s not up to them to have to dress in a certain way so as not to be sexually assaulted. I take back my sensible knicker comment. I’d feel awkward if I was having a recreational massage in a thong and I’m not shy or body conscious but I guess different people are comfortable with different things.

@VodselForDinner

I think if your vulva is near the bottom of your thigh/knee, you have bigger issues.

PMSL

Well if you enjoyed it no harm done then

@Joined4this

Well if you enjoyed it no harm done then

Not wanting to pick on this particular comment but really? So if someone is attacked sexually against their will, confused about what's happened, and their body shows an arousal response which their conscious mind enjoys no harm is done? Jesus fucking christ. Please someone more articulate and with more energy than me, explain why this is not ever ok. Not to speak the basis of a hell of a lot of sexual abuse and one of the primary reasons people who've been abused feel so much shame - because their body showed an arousal response that they couldn't switch off and they feel therefore responsible and guilty. Etc etc.

Unwanted sexual touching in a situation where the toucher has power over the person being touched is abuse.

@PurpleDaisies

Am I the only one bothered by so many posters joking around about what could be sexual touching without prior consent?

No

😂😂😂 oh my god this thread has got me laughing

I just don't get this. I understand some people have wet themselves and snorted all over the keyboard because of some hilarious posts but I can't see how anyone could find this thread funny. How do you think your comment is going to land with those who have disclosed sexual assault?

Suction cups leave those marks
I don’t believe he was trying to make you feel sexual it was your “flabby bit” being pressured and rubbing against your vag which he didn’t mean to cause

I think anyway

I guess this thread is a good warning that people should be careful. Wear sensible knickers, hold on to your towel and say something if ever you feel uncomfortable.

How about Mr Creepy Hands just doesn't be a perv? Why is it always the woman who has to moderate her behaviour?

Any experienced masseuses/masseurs would know exactly what they are doing, and likely responses.

I did encounter this on business trips in Asia, and felt a bit uncomfortable. I'd always have a masseuse, never a masseur. The first time I encountered it was just a nice massage, very relaxing, enjoyable, but then I felt . After a second time this happening, I just did stopped. Maybe a cultural difference? I never felt threatened, it felt very nice, but sexual, and that's not what I wanted.

Personally, I've never had such an issue at a UK spa.

@iklboo

I guess this thread is a good warning that people should be careful. Wear sensible knickers, hold on to your towel and say something if ever you feel uncomfortable.

How about Mr Creepy Hands just doesn't be a perv? Why is it always the woman who has to moderate her behaviour?

I've 'taken back' the comment about the knickers. I 100% agree that it's up to people who sexual assault or harass others NOT to do it regardless of what their victims do. The reason I made that comment was meant to be more about not feeling vulnerable and awkward when you are in a potentially difficult situation. Several women on this thread said they didn't say anything when they felt something was wrong. I thought that feeling vulnerable would make it harder to speak up. However I didn't communicate that at all!

@Joined4this

Well if you enjoyed it no harm done then

I was sexually assaulted as a child. I 'enjoyed it' in the sense that my body reacted in a way that was out of my control. I can assure you that a lot of harm was done. I'm sure this was just a flippant comment and you didn't mean any harm but I think comments like this can add to the shame for people who feel guilty for 'enjoying' their sexual assault.

@GreenEyeOfTheLittleYellowGod

I am extremely sorry to hear of your experience and I can’t even begin to imagine how you felt/feel.

[quote Dodgyornotdodgy]@GreenEyeOfTheLittleYellowGod

I am extremely sorry to hear of your experience and I can’t even begin to imagine how you felt/feel.[/quote]
I'm doing okay now, I just hate comments like that because I feel they can be extra stigmatising for victims of sexual assault. Sorry for hijacking your thread!

I'd say as well, go with your gut. You felt it wasn't quite right so it wasn't. Someone who touches and massages people's bodies for a living must know what they're doing when they get too close to your genitals. I'm glad you don't feel harmed by it but he definitely needs reported.

I always specifically ask for masseuses, so never had a male. I know what the OP means about a boundary between a good massage, and feeling that something is wrong, and for me it was a fuzzy line. My specific case was related to sports injury massage as a teenager. This was arranged through our (amateur) club. In hindsight what the masseuse did was certainly in appropriate. I did not call it out the time, being younger, less experienced. The same happened with two close friends/team mates, but we only discussed it years later. I don't mean that it was "bad" or left any impact on me, but not happy with it looking back.

@deadflowers

It’s amazing to hear other women on this thread who have felt something was amiss during a massage. I guess it’s one of those things you can only imagine if it’s happened to you

Sounds creepy. I wouldn’t be laughing!
I also don’t think it’s ‘all men are pervs’ hysteria to not want a male masseuse. I always ask for a female. I don’t want some random bloke squeezing my bum cheeks, thanks.