Was this a dodgy massage?!

[Dodgyornotdodgy]

I swear I am NOT a troll - MNHQ can confirm I am a long time poster who has NC. I would particularly like the opinions of masseuses/masseurs but anyone really.

I get massages all the time and this has never happened before.

Masseur (so male - not a problem, have masseurs fairly often too. Not sexist and not assuming all men are pervs).

During the leg portion of my massage he crossed my leg over and massaged the bottom of my thigh. The bottom of my thigh was over my vulva. It was extremely arousing, obviously. I didn’t really know what to say - he did it on both sides.

I guess my AIBU is - AIBU to think this was deliberate and he knows what he is doing?! Or am I just quite sex starved and bizarre?

I realise people will come on being like why didn’t you say anything but 1) I wasn’t really sure if he was doing anything on purpose ajd 2) to be honest it was pleasant!

---

If you've found this page in your search of the massage oils that have been recommended by fellow Mumsnet users, you might find our guide to the best massage oils useful. Hope this helps! MNHQ

[quote Dodgyornotdodgy]@PurpleDaisies

When it was time to turn from my front onto my back he held a towel up. He couldn’t see me directly BUT I then noticed there was a mirror opposite him and he absolutely could see me from that angle snd was looking/looked away when I saw him.

I spent a bit of time wondering if I should raise this with the spa as a “btw it’s pointless having a mirror there and using a towel as they can see” but then the leg business happened and I forgot all about it[/quote]
Oh that makes the whole thing sound much more dodgy. I was assuming accidental arousal which can sometimes happen during a massage. That makes it sound like it could be deliberate. So you saw him looking at you in the carefully placed mirror?!?

I agree with the later PPs you need to at least complain about the mirror incident to the hotel/spa, and I would also explain that you felt the position and massaging of your thighs like that wasn't appropriate and made you uncomfortable due to the proximity to your genitals. You don't need to mention arousal.

You should do drawings for biology text books

Did everybody or did everybody not understand what I meant? I think if the goal was achieved then perhaps I really ought to be drawing for textbooks. Maybe textbooks make a meal out of it, all the detail

@TooManyPJs

He was definitely looking in the mirror. The mirror placement makes no sense to me, unless he was supposed to go round my other side to hold the towel up!

@Dodgyornotdodgy

You should do drawings for biology text books

Did everybody or did everybody not understand what I meant? I think if the goal was achieved then perhaps I really ought to be drawing for textbooks. Maybe textbooks make a meal out of it, all the detail

@TooManyPJs

He was definitely looking in the mirror. The mirror placement makes no sense to me, unless he was supposed to go round my other side to hold the towel up!

The drawings for textbooks was just a joke because the drawing of the leg was funny - the leg drawing was more than sufficient to get across your meaning, just didn't look much like a leg 😬

That mirror placement is odd and it should be taken out of the room. It's too much opportunity for something like this to happen.

@TooManyPJs

I was just joking in return!

The towel and mirror thing is not great - we were taught how to turn clients without exposing them and basically you pin the draping towel down then instruct the client to roll in the direction that means the towel stays down, if that makes sense - so from front to back, you roll them in towards you so the towel is pulled away from you, and so long as you’ve got a good grip, everything stays fully covered. We were also told to always keep everything that you aren’t working on covered at all times - the only exposed bits should be the client’s head and the bit you are massaging. You lose marks on your exam if even their feet or hands stick out from under the towels.

Regardless of the intention, he has clearly made you feel uncomfortable and so I think that you should mention it. If he did it accidentally it will give him the chance to address his practice and make sure this doesn’t happen again, and if it was on purpose you may not be the first person to experience this - his employer may see a pattern developing.

@CousinKrispy

OK do you mean that because your legs were crossed over and he was rubbing nearby (on the back of your thigh, near the top), the movement was causing your vulva & clitoris to be joggled about by the friction of your own leg crossing? Not that he was putting his own hand on them?

I think it's probably accidental if that's the case, obviously if it happened again and you weren't comfortable with it you could just say "I'd rather you didn't do that" if it's not dodgy.

This is what I thought too. My question is did you have an orgasm? 😳

@Spudlet

Thank you! Yes, I have also never had this towel exposure issue before when rolling!

My question is did you have an orgasm?

No but if he had continued I 100% would have

OK do you mean that because your legs were crossed over and he was rubbing nearby (on the back of your thigh, near the top), the movement was causing your vulva & clitoris to be joggled about by the friction of your own leg crossing? Not that he was putting his own hand on them

This isn’t what he was doing. He was massaging my “thigh fat” into my clitoris area in circular motions

Ok I don't think the details really matter anymore. A couple of things felt off, you should speak to the spa management about it.

@CousinKrispy

Yes I agree

@Spudlet

Ok, so massage therapist here. I place legs in the position that I think the diagram shows, to get access to the muscles on the sides of the thighs. But no way do I work high enough to be touching any genital areas - we were taught extremely firmly to go no higher than mid-thigh on the inside of the leg. Also, I tend to be using my forearms or knuckles at that point of the massage so it tends not to be a particularly sensual experience (I’m a sports massage therapist…).

So IMO the positioning is fine, but the hands going that high, not so much

I was thinking maybe he's more sports massagey. That leg crossed over position is how you'd get a better glute stretch. Guess it all depends on how you feel about it, though. It shouldn't feel inappropriate, I imagine.

Sorry. I posted without reading the whole thread. Obviously you felt uncomfortable and that's not right. Report him. And don't feel guilty/complicit just because your body responded,

I had a very similar experience a few years back and I totally understand your diagram etc. Female masseuse though. Paper pants are a thing in many places particularly if you go for the full Hammam experience

@WorriedMumofTeen16

Thank you for this!!!!

@spudjulia

It really, really wasn’t sports massagey style thing at all - it was hot stone and very much a soothing/aromatherapy touch.

[quote Dodgyornotdodgy]@TooManyPJs

I was just joking in return![/quote]
Is there an emoji for that just went straight over my head. Doh! 😬😂

@girlmom21 I'm crying at your octopus comment!

OP I haven't got the energy to argue or justify this and it is only my opinion but I think he knew exactly what he was doing, he'll be doing it regularly and thinking he's getting away with it and men like him absolutely rely on your embarrassment and confusion.
And this thread has made me feel sick. Not blaming any woman who's posted here, but right here is the problem, why so many men get away with this stuff for so long.
Take care of yourself OP.

@heldinadream

Thank you for your opinion - much appreciated

Having reviewed your updates, I think the guy is most likely a perv. I would also be uncertain what to do next in your position.

I don't think you should feel guilty about feeling turned on. It was an awkward situation.

This post had me in hysterics, mainly due to the diagrams and comments.

But in all seriousness- I'm not sure it was right. The mirror thing definitely isn't and its strange its even there. Maybe they are meant to stand the other side though. Either way- since he's a bloke and you are not (not that I'd be happy if it was someone the same sex even) he certainly should not be putting himself at risk of being accused of anything and standing where there's any chance he can see. But if you actually saw him looking, that's even worse!
The touching- I think many people have been inappropriately touched by drs and all sorts because they justified it as being necessary or something. When it was not. So don't assume he didn't know what was happening. Some people are more easily turned on than others. But if it was more a sensual massage (as opposed to a sports one) then stroking in that area (even indirectly through other tissue) is bound to cause some sort of reaction? No one should be anywhere near that area IMO and certainly not someone of the opposite sex where it could be deemed (even if accidentally) inappropriate. Its just not worth losing their job over. I've only had one massage abroad and it was by a woman. But not particularly weird. Any I've had here have been women actually. But again, no experience like you've described.
Irrelevant of being aroused or not, if he was in an 'area' that made you question it, it can't be right?

I actually really appreciate the comments saying it’s not my fault for being aroused - I think it was my physical response to it that confused me the most/has made me unsure how I feel. As I said earlier, when I had a Thai masseuse be v inappropriate I did not enjoy it at all and therefore was angry/told everyone and didn’t go back. This was just a lot more confusing due to the physical response. I felt very shy with him afterwards which is perhaps what he gets off on/why he gets away with it.

The mirror thing alone would be enough to make a complaint