Was this a dodgy massage?!

[Dodgyornotdodgy]

I swear I am NOT a troll - MNHQ can confirm I am a long time poster who has NC. I would particularly like the opinions of masseuses/masseurs but anyone really.

I get massages all the time and this has never happened before.

Masseur (so male - not a problem, have masseurs fairly often too. Not sexist and not assuming all men are pervs).

During the leg portion of my massage he crossed my leg over and massaged the bottom of my thigh. The bottom of my thigh was over my vulva. It was extremely arousing, obviously. I didn’t really know what to say - he did it on both sides.

I guess my AIBU is - AIBU to think this was deliberate and he knows what he is doing?! Or am I just quite sex starved and bizarre?

I realise people will come on being like why didn’t you say anything but 1) I wasn’t really sure if he was doing anything on purpose ajd 2) to be honest it was pleasant!

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@UmmH

The mirror was attached to the wall - which I don’t understand at all! Unless he is supposed to go round the other side to do this manoeuvre. That’s why I was thinking of mentioning it to them as the mirror placement is so odd.

He was staring at me and my nakedness (aside from thong) and looked away when he saw me see him looking.

The short answer is, there is no way of knowing for 100% without seeing the actual massage itself, but it made you question so i would say you can request a female massager for next time at tge hotel? They normally very relaxed about it and would understand.

I am from mainland Europe ( central- east)and i was going to say the technic sound the Swedish/ German type which is very popular and requires in depth knowledge. They do years of studying and go to deep tissue etc and can feel a little too strong, heavy, stretchy when you compare it to the the ones you normally get in England.

This reads like male banter. It’s exactly how a group of men would treat it in a WhatsApp group if the masseuse were an unassuming young women. I can only assume that’s why people are being so blasé, because there’s a misjudged feeling of empowerment. But there isn’t it there? Not really. Because this event didn’t occur in a social vacuum and we all know it’s not the same thing.

This thread made me laugh a lot and at some points I'd have paid good money for this massage! 😉 But unexpected and uninvited I'd have felt a violated, nervous and confused. I had a sort of similar massage thing years ago where I felt he went to close to my breasts and too much up inner thigh. He was recommended to me by my SIL... asked her later with my then DH (her brother) and turns out he did happy finishes! DH was furious that she thought this was OK for either herself or me!

From having read all of your posts I think the most likely thing is that he knew it might arouse you. He is a masseur so he will know that is always a risk. Perhaps he thought that was ok as it’s subtle or perhaps he was getting a little kick out of it. You will never know for sure. Most of the time I think it’s odd people have to push back against their gut and constantly question themselves. The important thing is how you feel and whether or not you want to complain.

If he is completely unaware then he needs to know that other women might feel the same thing and be less happy.

[quote Dodgyornotdodgy]@HippeePrincess

Lots of people have understood but I appreciate it’s very very confusing (I have included a diagram)[/quote]
Believe me when I say your diagrams aren't helpful.

@HippeePrincess

I did my best - it’s not easy to draw

The diagram has made my day!

OP, he was staring at your naked body. This alone is cause for a very serious complaint. Together with the stimulating massage is

You said you were wearing disposable knickers not a thong. They cover you up well. It be weird to lie on your front with no cover so I presume he wouldn’t be looking at your boobs? If he is massaging you then he is going to be looking at you. It all sounds a bit weird.

Ok, I'll have a go at using my describing words...

If someone with decent-sized hands holds your thigh, and then starts massaging, you can find that they almost meet on the other side.

As they move back and forth it pulls on your thigh/skin, which with deep massage definitely means that your senses are heightened, and can start to react. Pulling on the thigh in a rhythmic way definitely then moves your bits in a way that frankly mimics straight on stimulation, but you're getting the sensations through the nerves.

I've been trying to find a proper physio photo to demonstrate, this is the closest I could get.

I've cropped so hopefully no one is outraged that their photo has been used.

Meanwhile, very pertinent article in, of course, American Cosmo about someone experiencing the same thing as you, but it lead to a happy ending... and then the internal struggle with whether either of them had violated the other's wellbeing etc.

So, as for photo, but imagine hands next to each other, not opposite.

Stop justifying your feelings, concerns, reactions OP. If at some point you need to talk it through with someone, there are professionals for that.

That position on me would DEFINITELY achieve what you are describing OP..

Laying on back, one leg crossed over the other at the thigh would have the back/underside of the thigh flab at the top squishing into my vulva... pressure there would transfer to my clit verrrrrrrrry easily indeed.

I would complain I think - if it was the one thing on its own, possibly I might not.. but the three things - not telling you before hand about the cupping, the massage itself and the mirror thing, all together that makes me think he at the very least.. wants talking to!

He could be innocent, he could be unaware that for some women that position and area would achieve .. that... he could be using someone elses room and have ballsed up when moving you/arranging towel... (though that doesn't excuse looking!) he could have forgotten to warn you about the marks left by cupping and check you wanted that doing...

But if thats the case that thats THREE areas he's forgotten/ignorant/behaved badly... which certainly warrants a talking to!

Worst case he's a filthy perve getting off knowing he's aroused without consent.. or made women feel uncomfortable and confused, and doing as he damn well pleases without consent.... ugh.

You said you were wearing disposable knickers not a thong. They cover you up well

I quite clearly say I was wearing a disposable knickers that were a thing. I think I say it on page two. He actually said as he handed them to me “this is a tanga”.

@WiddlinDiddlin

Thank you for understanding what I mean!

@lborgia

The photo is not the right position as she is not on her back and her legs are not crossed over but your description is spot on!

I will write the spa an email today so it’s in writing and clear

OP, I wasn't saying it was the same, just showing that hands on upper thigh were capable of sliding around.

@lborgia

Ok sorry, I appreciate the effort to explain

The responses on this thread are sickening

OP - I think I want to be your friend but on a serious note I'm really pissed off for you. I think I'd have had exactly the same reaction - assuming it was unintentional and feeling a bit embarrassed it had felt good. But he's presumably licensed, trained... he'll know the areas that are off limits even if it's not that obvious to us that it could be arousing. So it really bothers me that you're (understandably) left confused about how to feel. He must know it wasn't right.

I remember getting a massage in Vietnam. All was going well until she removed my bikini top and started massaging my breasts. I didn’t know if that was normal or not just laid there getting rather turned on. I count it as my first lesbian encounter 😂

I think this is really close to sexual assault. I'm not sure that it's as funny as people seem to think

I'm with those posters who find this thread (and some of the responses) disturbing. OP I think you're handling this very well.

Sorry about that. I missed where you said the knickers were tanga's

I think it's ended up being a weird thread with some odd posts because initially the OP posts were jokey and light despite the potentially serious basis of the thread. She said the massage was pleasurable and that she nearly had an orgasm early in the thread and forgot to mention the towel, mirror and cupping incidents until late in the thread.
I get that the whole reason the OP posted was that she wanted clarity about what happened but I don't think it's surprising that some posters comments seem flippant in retrospect.
Basically the OP now thinks she has been sexually assaulted. If I was the OP I'd let the hotel know. I'd also ask for this thread to be deleted. The OP has clarification now and must be feeling sick that she found the experience enjoyable at the time.

The diagram makes it all so clear

It’s not unusual for someone to become sexually aroused when having a massage. We were taught how to discreetly ignore this and work on other areas when it happens with a man. Unless you started moaning I doubt he would have any idea

I read this as it ran last night and i'm just catching up this morning.

I thought i'd read it carefully but i've only just this minute caught on that you were on your back! I was trying to picture it all with you on your front. My god i must have been tired last night.

I think in that position he must have known it was arousing surely?

Yes I would have felt particularly weird and vulnerable with that going on while i was on my back

The staring when you stood up - were you naked from the waist up while he was doing the thigh thing?

@LessTime

I think the thread is also varying in tone but I think it’s fine that I was lighthearted. I don’t feel like I’ve been violated, even though if it was deliberate that’s probably what happened. I feel very unsure about what’s happened and I think my lighthearted posts were also totally fine at the time. Basically I wasn’t really sure if it was untoward or not. I’m still not really sure but I agree in combination with the other things it’s all a bit suspect.

I don’t see why I would delete the thread - it’s been amusing to me as well as helpful. I certainly don’t think I should feel bad about it!

The staring when you stood up - were you naked from the waist up while he was doing the thigh thing?

To clarify, he didn’t stare when I was standing up, he stared when I was rolling over on the table. I had a towel on my top half/one leg when he did thigh thing. Tbh though when he had the leg flat after and was massaging im not confident he couldn’t also see my beaver.