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AIBU?

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Original poster

Money - has dd got a point?

380 replies

bendmeoverbackwards · 13/01/2022 16:57

Dd is nearly 15. A few years ago she had quite a bit of money from an event plus money from relatives, birthday money etc. She used some of it to buy a laptop and a few other bits. She agreed she would save the rest and I opened a separate savings account for her where, at the time, she was earning a bit of interest.

Then interest rates dropped so I shopped around to get her a better rate. I opened a Junior Cash ISA which is paying 2.25%. However the money is locked in until she is 18.

She's now very upset that she can't access the money. She wanted some expensive trainers for Christmas, I said I would pay up to £X and she would fund the rest. However she thought she would take it out her savings and I thought it would come out of her monthly allowance from us (£50/month).

I opened the ISA partly because of the interest, and partly because I didn't want her frittering away her savings on clothes.

She says it's her money and for her to decide.

OP posts:
fairylightsandwaxmelts · 13/01/2022 17:55

As I said I won't be changing my approach - she's got plenty of toys and there's just no need for more. Better to have a lum sum in the future for a car or something. That's just my opinion and approach as a parent, I'm not saying others are wrong for spending.

What if she doesn't want to spend it on a car and blows it on something else you disapprove of?

It's not your money to take from her. It's theft.

IDidntKnowItWasAParty · 13/01/2022 17:57

Lend her the money then take it from savings at 18

Another vote for this.
Also, I would in future involve her in discussions about her money, she's old enough to have some input/control.

RedskyThisNight · 13/01/2022 17:57

@Darbs76

My kids savings is tied up until 18, to save them wasting it on expensive trainers etc!
But your children's saving are probably birthday and Christmas money from relatives etc. Who presumably would like them to spend it on something that is a "preseent". If said relatives bought them trainers for their birthday, would you take them back because they were a waste?
sillysmiles · 13/01/2022 17:58

If this was a significant amount of money, then I think you were right to "lock it away" as such so that she can't fritter it away.
But talking to her about that would have been good.
But also she can't just assume that all future expenses - car, driving lessons, university etc will be paid for by you - she should be saving towards that too.

Maybe it's time for a general overall money/future discussion.

Out of curiosity - how much are the trainers?

elelel · 13/01/2022 17:58

@ArthurTudor

Thank you to those who have responded to my question. Very interesting to see how different people approach money.

As I said I won't be changing my approach - she's got plenty of toys and there's just no need for more. Better to have a lum sum in the future for a car or something. That's just my opinion and approach as a parent, I'm not saying others are wrong for spending.

She did actually see the cash in her birthday card and said "that's for the bank", so I also disagree that controlling their money teaches them nothing. Obviously this is at the level of thinking of a six year old so it might not be a very full understanding yet.

Interesting debate.

You can only control them for so long. When she gets her 'lump sum' she might blow it on shite anyway.

Mine did alright with spending their Christmas and birthday money. They learned how much things cost and over the years with a combination of pocket money/allowance and part time jobs they learned how to save and budget themselves. Now they both have healthy current and savings accounts at 18 & 20 and while they have spent more than I would on certain things over the years it was their money to spend, not mine to control.

Whatayear81 · 13/01/2022 17:59

Are you the op?

chainoverreaction · 13/01/2022 17:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

ArthurTudor · 13/01/2022 17:59

@fairylightsandwaxmelts

As I said I won't be changing my approach - she's got plenty of toys and there's just no need for more. Better to have a lum sum in the future for a car or something. That's just my opinion and approach as a parent, I'm not saying others are wrong for spending.

What if she doesn't want to spend it on a car and blows it on something else you disapprove of?

It's not your money to take from her. It's theft.

Then that's her choice at 18. She can understand the consequences then. It's also about not having more 'stuff' at a young age. She has enough toys, I don't want her spoilt.

It's not theft, the account is in her name. How extreme to call it theft!

RedskyThisNight · 13/01/2022 18:00

My DS has recently started a part time job. He's chosen to spend £200 on one of those expensive Lego sets. I think this is a waste. I've asked him to think about how many hours he had to work to save up that money. He still wants the Lego set. I am not about to tell him that he should be saving his money so he can buy a car. Chances are that once he's had one frivolous purchase he'll calm down. You learn sensible spending habits by having freedom to spend, not being tied down by parental rules.

MananaTomorrow · 13/01/2022 18:00

As I said I won't be changing my approach

@ArthurTudor, you have a 6yo. That’s very different than a 15yo. Come back when your dc has grown up and then we can discuss.

But to be putting money away at age 6yo for a car when they will be…. 20+yo (because your average 18yo won’t be able to pay for petrol/maintenance/insurance etc…) is planning very very far ahead Hmm

ArthurTudor · 13/01/2022 18:01

@Whatayear81

Are you the op?
😂 I'm asking if age matters. So no.
ArthurTudor · 13/01/2022 18:01

@MananaTomorrow

As I said I won't be changing my approach

@ArthurTudor, you have a 6yo. That’s very different than a 15yo. Come back when your dc has grown up and then we can discuss.

But to be putting money away at age 6yo for a car when they will be…. 20+yo (because your average 18yo won’t be able to pay for petrol/maintenance/insurance etc…) is planning very very far ahead Hmm

I know it's different being 6 not 15. That's precisely my question!

The car was just an example.

Whatayear81 · 13/01/2022 18:02

To spend a bit of money when you’re 6. Your Money, in a little wallet, and you get to shop and pick - like an adult

Would be a real treat!

sanbeiji · 13/01/2022 18:02

OP it's great that you've realised your wrongdoing, but kids won't learn if shielded from the consequences of their actions.
The majority of teenagers don't understand the concept of saving/investing until they've run out of money for something they really want/earn it themselves.
At uni plenty of students in overdraft in their first year. By second the majority stay within budget and go on to become responsible adults.

Also... they have their whole lives to save and invest. Unless it's several grand it won't even make a dent in anything big. Let them enjoy it if you can afford to let them.

ArthurTudor · 13/01/2022 18:03

I hope you tell the people who gift your child money it goes into savings and she can't decide what to do with it

Yes I do. Loving this thread 😂 how outrageous of me not to allow a six year old to buy more plastic crap for the landfill and instead put it away for later

sanbeiji · 13/01/2022 18:04

*sorry at least a couple of grand I should say

elelel · 13/01/2022 18:05

@ArthurTudor

There are more ways than 'plastic' to let your 6 year old enjoy her money. You can't really justify giving her none of her birthday money with environmental issues. There are options.

ArthurTudor · 13/01/2022 18:06

@Whatayear81

To spend a bit of money when you’re 6. Your Money, in a little wallet, and you get to shop and pick - like an adult

Would be a real treat!

When she's a bit older she will have pocket money so can do that then. Maybe when she's older (say 15 like the op) I won't save it and say buy what you want. I'm pretty certain that would be the case. But not age 6. And that was the point of my post. I'm questioning is there an age on these things. I like a good debate too!
chocolatepudandchocolatesauce · 13/01/2022 18:06

@ArthurTudor

I do the exact same thing as you. My children do not need more toys and junk. All gifted money goes into the bank. My children know it is their money and when they are an adult they will be much more pleased to have a house deposit rather than more plastic tat that has long been binned.

I am teaching my children to save for special things rather than spending money just because they have it. This is a valuable lesson in delayed gratification and I think instills a much better attitude to money than just spending it all straight away.

As for the OP, she was acting in the way she felt best for her daughter. It hasn't worked out as planned and she is now reflecting on that decision but at no point was she malicious in what she chose to do.

Topseyt · 13/01/2022 18:07

my 6 year old recently got £100 for her birthday - I put it straight in the bank and there was no discussion about toys. I do this for all gifted money, even if it's £5. Is that unreasonable? Should I be allowing her to go to a toy shop and pick things?

It is unreasonable to lock all of it away. At 6 you could allow them to spend some and save some, and they would be under supervision when out shopping anyway.

What if someone asked your child what they bought with the birthday money they had given them? They are then told that you squirrelled it all away and nothing at all was bought for the child to enjoy. That would mean that there was no present for your child, which would not have been the intention behind giving the money.

You say that you'll refuse to change your approach though, so you obviously think it is the perfect one. Your child and the friends and relatives might just be uncomfortable with it though and feel short-changed.

There is a middle way still at that age (but less so or not at all for teenagers).

ArthurTudor · 13/01/2022 18:07

[quote elelel]@ArthurTudor

There are more ways than 'plastic' to let your 6 year old enjoy her money. You can't really justify giving her none of her birthday money with environmental issues. There are options. [/quote]
There are several reasons for my choice. I'm happy with my decision. Just as you are happy with your decision to let your children spend.

PrincessPaws · 13/01/2022 18:07

I don't think you were fair when you unilaterally decided to move her money to where she couldn't access it. I'd be pissed if I were her too

MonicaGB · 13/01/2022 18:07

Inflation obviously hasn't hit pocket money then. I used to get £10 a week in the mid 90s!

Fandangofran · 13/01/2022 18:08

She'll never learn to be better with money if you don't let her make mistakes. If she blows her money then it's gone and she'll have to deal with the consequences of it. Better she learns now while the sums involved are relatively small.

My son gets his allowance - he can spend it however he wants but if he blows it all on crap that's that.

If he then wants money later - tough. He soon started to learn his lesson when he spent all his cash on rubbish then asked to borrow money from me to go to a football match.

He's very careful with money now.

SoTiredNeedHoliday · 13/01/2022 18:09

Its not unreasonable at all and when she's 18 she'll be glad to have the money (& the interest accrued!).

Its better to teach her the value of budgeting with the trainers and she can pay them off with you over time. Or get a cheaper pair.

When she's 18 and going out to clubs or parties etc she'll want every penny she's got.

Or perhaps if you explain that spending £X00 on trainers now in 3 years they will be worth almost £0 but leaving the cash in the fund it will be worth £X00 + 2.25%

She could look on ebay or depop etc and find some nearly new of the ones she wants.

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