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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Money - has dd got a point?

380 replies

bendmeoverbackwards · 13/01/2022 16:57

Dd is nearly 15. A few years ago she had quite a bit of money from an event plus money from relatives, birthday money etc. She used some of it to buy a laptop and a few other bits. She agreed she would save the rest and I opened a separate savings account for her where, at the time, she was earning a bit of interest.

Then interest rates dropped so I shopped around to get her a better rate. I opened a Junior Cash ISA which is paying 2.25%. However the money is locked in until she is 18.

She's now very upset that she can't access the money. She wanted some expensive trainers for Christmas, I said I would pay up to £X and she would fund the rest. However she thought she would take it out her savings and I thought it would come out of her monthly allowance from us (£50/month).

I opened the ISA partly because of the interest, and partly because I didn't want her frittering away her savings on clothes.

She says it's her money and for her to decide.

OP posts:
Gonnagetgoing · 13/01/2022 17:23

On a separate note, I recall my SIL is actually saving her DS's child benefit (doesn't need it) so he has a lump sum - approx 17K when he is an adult. Not a bad little nest egg.

KiloWhat · 13/01/2022 17:23

You've broken her trust.

CheshireCats · 13/01/2022 17:24

This is awful. So controlling. Your poor DD.

elelel · 13/01/2022 17:25

I could open her another account so it's kept separately as savings but she could access it if she wanted.

Put it back where it was Hmm

HikingforScenery · 13/01/2022 17:25

@KiloWhat

You've broken her trust.
A bit extreme
HauntedPencil · 13/01/2022 17:26

Definitely worth checking OP I wouldn't have thought it was
Impossible to access - just maybe an interest penalty

3mealsaday · 13/01/2022 17:26

Lend her the money and dock £10 per month from her monthly allowance until they are paid off.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 13/01/2022 17:27

@bendmeoverbackwards

I should add that before I opened the ISA, she had the savings in an account that used online banking. So with one click she could transfer money from savings to her current account to spend. She is really not good with money.
But that doesn't mean you can take it from her and lock it away in an account she has no access to - that's bordering on theft.

It's her money - she gets to decide what she does with it, not you.

KiloWhat · 13/01/2022 17:28

@HikingforScenery I don't think it is. She trusted OP with her money and OP didn't explain she thought she'd lock it away until she's 18.

Original poster
bendmeoverbackwards · 13/01/2022 17:28

Ok I've got the point now and realise IABU. Thanks for all your comments.

OP posts:
Topseyt · 13/01/2022 17:30

You've screwed up I'm afraid. Locking her birthday and Christmas money away for three years without her agreement was a dick move, even though we'll intentioned.

People gave her this money so that she could choose her own gifts. She has perfectly reasonably chosen to buy the trainers but cannot because of your actions.

I think that by way of an apology you should actually now buy her the trainers yourself. While you are waiting for them to arrive you should close the ISA (paying any early redemption fees yourself) and get her money back for her.

Give it to her. A 15 year old is perfectly old enough to manage her own bank accounts and to learn that when it's gone it's gone.

WonderfulYou · 13/01/2022 17:31

£50 a month is a lot for a 15 year old. Surely she can just use this money as that’s what her allowance is for.

I wouldn’t let her spend her savings especially on things like trainers when she’ll get to 17 and wished she didn’t keep spending it so she could afford a car.

godmum56 · 13/01/2022 17:33

@bendmeoverbackwards

No I didn't discuss the implications of the ISA. My thinking was - she had already spent some of it - absolutely fine. She gets an allowance of £50/month from us and she will hopefully get a part time job when she's a bit older. I wanted her to have a bit of money saved for her future and earn a bit of interest in the process.
yes but its not your money to control
chainoverreaction · 13/01/2022 17:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

KiloWhat · 13/01/2022 17:33

I don't think you can close a junior ISA unless the child dies/becomes terminally ill. Or it runs out due to fees as the balance is so tiny.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 13/01/2022 17:35

@WonderfulYou

£50 a month is a lot for a 15 year old. Surely she can just use this money as that’s what her allowance is for.

I wouldn’t let her spend her savings especially on things like trainers when she’ll get to 17 and wished she didn’t keep spending it so she could afford a car.

£50 a month really won't go far at all. I got that as an allowance 15 years ago!

And they're not your savings to spend - if she wants to spend it on clothes and food, that's her choice to make.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 13/01/2022 17:35

But I’d she buys the trainers out of her 50 quid then she’d got nothing,

My dd nearly 16 gets 75 per month and we buy almost all her clothes. Certainly shoes, coats and jeans. She sometimes buys herself vintage tops.

Boombastic22 · 13/01/2022 17:38

Does seem a bit extreme to be locking her gift money away til she’s 18! Can you buy the trainers? If it’s the relatives gifting £100s for longer term saving then that’s different

Whatayear81 · 13/01/2022 17:38

Impossible to answer without vague idea of money involved

My gut though is… he’ll yes you’re being unreasonable
And even if you weren’t, 15 is tricky age and may be idea to show some compromise

19lottie82 · 13/01/2022 17:38

£50 a month is a lot for a 15 year old…..

£11.53 a week? Really?

TheSoapyFrog · 13/01/2022 17:39

YABU. And I don't think a lot of the suggestions here to remedy your cock up are particularly fair on DD.
If you lend her the money now then she has the debt hanging over her. If you give her the money and take it back from her allowance, she goes short every month until you're paid off. If you leave it and she pays for it out of her allowance, she'll have to wait a few months until she could afford them and go without all the other things she would use her allowance for.
Every single thing inconveniences her unnecessarily in some way.
You need to get that money back in its entirety and return it to her, even if it means sacrificing the tiny amount of interest or having to pay fees.

Topseyt · 13/01/2022 17:39

But I'm now thinking of leaving it where it is and lending her the same amount. I could open her another account so it's kept separately as savings but she could access it if she wanted.

No. What on earth would be the point of that? Just get her money back for her and return it to where it was. You can't lock someone else's money away from them like that.

Why are you opening and closing bank accounts for a 15 year old? She can do that herself.

It sounds to me as though she trusted you with her money but now she can't get at it. I'd be furious too if someone did that for me.

You've got a chance to earn her trust back - by buying her the trainers, getting her money back for her (all of it) and giving her a big apology.

SE13Mummy · 13/01/2022 17:39

It sounds as though you've found a way forward for the trainers situation which is good. It won't get her any interest but maybe talk to her about Premium Bonds being a vehicle worth exploring? DD1 (now 17) uses hers as a way of saving money from her holiday job etc. and likes knowing she can access it easily enough to purchase things but can't fritter it away without thought. DD2 is only 12 and knows her savings are in Premium Bonds. She doesn't control hers yet but enjoys the occasional £25 win.

ItWorriesMeThisKindofThing · 13/01/2022 17:39

I think people are missing that she said she was going to save it! The OP obviously took this at face value, but should have explained an ISA. She’s not stolen the money or anything though!

sashagabadon · 13/01/2022 17:40

You did the right thing and she’ll thank you when she’s 18 and those trainers are knackered and out of fashion anyway.