Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Money - has dd got a point?

380 replies

bendmeoverbackwards · 13/01/2022 16:57

Dd is nearly 15. A few years ago she had quite a bit of money from an event plus money from relatives, birthday money etc. She used some of it to buy a laptop and a few other bits. She agreed she would save the rest and I opened a separate savings account for her where, at the time, she was earning a bit of interest.

Then interest rates dropped so I shopped around to get her a better rate. I opened a Junior Cash ISA which is paying 2.25%. However the money is locked in until she is 18.

She's now very upset that she can't access the money. She wanted some expensive trainers for Christmas, I said I would pay up to £X and she would fund the rest. However she thought she would take it out her savings and I thought it would come out of her monthly allowance from us (£50/month).

I opened the ISA partly because of the interest, and partly because I didn't want her frittering away her savings on clothes.

She says it's her money and for her to decide.

OP posts:
HauntedPencil · 13/01/2022 18:09

Would people really let a 6 yr old spunk £100 on toys or are they being contrary?

I think it's pretty normal to save birthday money at this age!

Mine are 11 and 9 and they get a bit of money which I let them spend if they need something now but it's not that much.

ArthurTudor · 13/01/2022 18:09

@Topseyt

my 6 year old recently got £100 for her birthday - I put it straight in the bank and there was no discussion about toys. I do this for all gifted money, even if it's £5. Is that unreasonable? Should I be allowing her to go to a toy shop and pick things?

It is unreasonable to lock all of it away. At 6 you could allow them to spend some and save some, and they would be under supervision when out shopping anyway.

What if someone asked your child what they bought with the birthday money they had given them? They are then told that you squirrelled it all away and nothing at all was bought for the child to enjoy. That would mean that there was no present for your child, which would not have been the intention behind giving the money.

You say that you'll refuse to change your approach though, so you obviously think it is the perfect one. Your child and the friends and relatives might just be uncomfortable with it though and feel short-changed.

There is a middle way still at that age (but less so or not at all for teenagers).

Maybe when she's older and wants something in particular that will be an option. The people who gave money know I save it. No one cares.

Only on MN is it outrageous to save a childs bday money in an account in their own name. Even calling it theft 😂

My child doesn't need more presents. More 'stuff' isn't important.

HauntedPencil · 13/01/2022 18:10

Also can't see anything wrong with OP letting her DD use some of her money towards trainers either - totally fine surely?

Thirtytimesround · 13/01/2022 18:11

She was given money by others, you were supposed to be helping her put it in an account, and instead you’ve locked it up so she can’t access it until she’s 18?? Wow I’d be livid and very upset if I was your dd.

It wasn’t your money to lock up. Apologise and replace the money. It does not matter if it isn’t earning optimal interest, the point is that it gave her some autonomy and freedom from your (controlling and high handed) behaviour.

I’m so shocked you locked it up til she’s 18 without getting her permission first or even having a discussion about that. If you don’t treat her with respect she won’t behave respectfully to you… You’ve been warned… Maybe go and read a book on good parenting then apologise to your dd.

ArthurTudor · 13/01/2022 18:12

[quote chocolatepudandchocolatesauce]@ArthurTudor

I do the exact same thing as you. My children do not need more toys and junk. All gifted money goes into the bank. My children know it is their money and when they are an adult they will be much more pleased to have a house deposit rather than more plastic tat that has long been binned.

I am teaching my children to save for special things rather than spending money just because they have it. This is a valuable lesson in delayed gratification and I think instills a much better attitude to money than just spending it all straight away.

As for the OP, she was acting in the way she felt best for her daughter. It hasn't worked out as planned and she is now reflecting on that decision but at no point was she malicious in what she chose to do.[/quote]
Finally someone who doesn't think I'm stealing from my child by putting it in an account in their own name 😂. I agree about delayed gratification too.

Hesma · 13/01/2022 18:12

You f**d up do I think it’s fair you buy her the trainers… and yes, I know exactly how much they cost

HauntedPencil · 13/01/2022 18:12

I would probably negotiate with DD to keep some in the better account and keep a smaller amount in a separate account and add some of the £50 to it as and when for spendy things. I've just started using Hyper Jar for mine

elelel · 13/01/2022 18:13

Its not unreasonable at all and when she's 18 she'll be glad to have the money (& the interest accrued!).
Its better to teach her the value of budgeting with the trainers and she can pay them off with you over time. Or get a cheaper pair.
When she's 18 and going out to clubs or parties etc she'll want every penny she's got.

This has got to be the most bizarre post on here.

Take her money away to teach her how to budget by paying off something she was able to afford to buy outright.

Save it so instead of annoying a pair of trainers at 15 she can use it clubbing at 18.

Not often I'm stuck for words but this one has got me to Hmm

elelel · 13/01/2022 18:13

*instead of enjoying a pair of trainers

HauntedPencil · 13/01/2022 18:13

She put it in a notice account folks she didn't go and spend it on crack - calm down like.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 13/01/2022 18:14

Then that's her choice at 18. She can understand the consequences then. It's also about not having more 'stuff' at a young age. She has enough toys, I don't want her spoilt.

But your relatives/friends have given her money in lieu of a gift. Would you throw away gifts because you "don't want her spoilt"? The money has been given for your DD to spend on what she wants, not for you to hide it away from her until you decide she's responsible enough to spend it Hmm

It's not theft, the account is in her name. How extreme to call it theft!

Nope, not extreme at all. You've taken a gift from her and forbidden her to use/access it until she's an adult. That's theft. The fact that the account is in her name is irrelevant if she can't access it!

HauntedPencil · 13/01/2022 18:16

@fairylightsandwaxmelts

Then that's her choice at 18. She can understand the consequences then. It's also about not having more 'stuff' at a young age. She has enough toys, I don't want her spoilt.

But your relatives/friends have given her money in lieu of a gift. Would you throw away gifts because you "don't want her spoilt"? The money has been given for your DD to spend on what she wants, not for you to hide it away from her until you decide she's responsible enough to spend it Hmm

It's not theft, the account is in her name. How extreme to call it theft!

Nope, not extreme at all. You've taken a gift from her and forbidden her to use/access it until she's an adult. That's theft. The fact that the account is in her name is irrelevant if she can't access it!

This post is utterly BATSHIT
fairylightsandwaxmelts · 13/01/2022 18:16

@HauntedPencil

She put it in a notice account folks she didn't go and spend it on crack - calm down like.
It doesn't matter - it wasn't her money and she didn't have her DD's permission to do so.
fairylightsandwaxmelts · 13/01/2022 18:17

@HauntedPencil - oh well, the world would be a boring place if we all felt the same :)

HauntedPencil · 13/01/2022 18:17

No one gives a 6 year old over 100 in cash FGS. Putting it in a bank account isn't theft. I can't believe some of the things I read on here sometimes

helpfulperson · 13/01/2022 18:17

At least the children of the controlling parents will be able to afford to move out at 18 and live their own lives.

HauntedPencil · 13/01/2022 18:18

The kid is SIX. They are a financial dependent

HauntedPencil · 13/01/2022 18:19

@helpfulperson

At least the children of the controlling parents will be able to afford to move out at 18 and live their own lives.
Yes I'm sure therapists are rammed with adults who's parents committed the heinous crime of putting cash in an account for them at six rather than setting them loose in Toys R Us with it.
ArthurTudor · 13/01/2022 18:19

@fairylightsandwaxmelts

Then that's her choice at 18. She can understand the consequences then. It's also about not having more 'stuff' at a young age. She has enough toys, I don't want her spoilt.

But your relatives/friends have given her money in lieu of a gift. Would you throw away gifts because you "don't want her spoilt"? The money has been given for your DD to spend on what she wants, not for you to hide it away from her until you decide she's responsible enough to spend it Hmm

It's not theft, the account is in her name. How extreme to call it theft!

Nope, not extreme at all. You've taken a gift from her and forbidden her to use/access it until she's an adult. That's theft. The fact that the account is in her name is irrelevant if she can't access it!

It's not theft as it's not a crime. I did not take her money for myself. Delaying access is not a crime.

I see your point about it lieu of a gift, and no I wouldn't remove a gift. However the money gives us options and choices that we don't have with a physical gift, and it's a choice (I've made on her behalf) to delay receiving it.

Iputthetrampintrampoline · 13/01/2022 18:20

Not wishing to sound unreasonable but an allowance of £50 p/m is not a great deal for a 15 yr old either, it amounts to not even a pair of jeans let alone much else. And I think you shouldnt have locked her money away either without it being mutually decided, She might be foolish with money but its her money,

nitsandwormsdodger · 13/01/2022 18:21

A laptop these days is an essential school item that I would expect to pay for as a parent , expensive trainers that would be for her to save up / work for . You have been prudent financially but your daughter should have known her money was untouchable and involved in the discussion around her own money .
£50 allowance for a 15 is a lot what. Does that cover ?
15 is the age to fritter birthday money on clothes and crap she has the rest of her life to be sensible

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 13/01/2022 18:21

It's not theft as it's not a crime. I did not take her money for myself. Delaying access is not a crime.

I didn't mean theft in a criminal sense, more a moral one.

I see your point about it lieu of a gift, and no I wouldn't remove a gift. However the money gives us options and choices that we don't have with a physical gift, and it's a choice (I've made on her behalf) to delay receiving it.

But it's not your choice to make - it's not your money. She was given it as a gift and if she wants to spend it on toys, that's her decision, whether she's six or sixteen.

ArthurTudor · 13/01/2022 18:21

Yes I'm sure therapists are rammed with adults who's parents committed the heinous crime of putting cash in an account for them at six rather than setting them loose in Toys R Us with it.

Indeed. A little perspective is needed on this thread.

It's a parenting choice, it does not make me an awful parent whose child would be desperate to get away from

HauntedPencil · 13/01/2022 18:21

£50 is probably more than a lot of people can afford right now. What planet are we on here? OP has already said she'll sort getting the trainers.

MrsAntonioConte · 13/01/2022 18:22

My mum was like this. Pissed me off no end.
YABU

Swipe left for the next trending thread